What Hurts

You know what really hurts lately?

I mean, besides seeing everyone celebrate their kid’s first birthday?

The women who lose babies and make it beautiful and earthy and oh so magical.

Seriously.

I know everyone grieves differently, so I’m not here to judge how anyone does this process. But – in the same breath – these feelings and emotions are part of my process as well. So both are valid.

Just right now, their process really hurts me.

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We’re Learning to Sew. Maybe just Sam is.

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Craftsy

The other day, Sam asked me if I could sew his uniform patches on instead of having to take them somewhere, and pay, to have them done. I told him I might be able to – if we had a sewing machine and I learned how to use it.

I’d taken a sewing class in high school, but I mean. That was years ago and I haven’t done anything but (very poorly) hand sew somethings since then.

We went out and bought a cheap little Brother one that had off the chart ratings on Amazon. Nothing special – just the basics. As soon as we came home, I searched for an online sewing class to help me learn the machine. I found a free, short class on Craftsy, and that night sat down to put what I’d learned into use.

2014-07-06 22.02.10-2

Sam and I somehow had the thread on the bobbin going the wrong way, and I pulled up the class to check how to do it. He started laughing and told me earlier that day he’d watched the same one.

I have to admit – in the few weeks we’ve had the machine – he’s used it more than I have. He’s able to sew all of his patches on and fix things while I’m slowly plodding away with help from more beginning classes like Learn to Sew.

Once I started looking around on the Craftsy site, I ended up taking a photography course on The Essentials for Understanding Light and drooling over one about capturing life differently.

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A Day Out

This afternoon Bella and I went to the El Paso Exploreum. It’s like a Children’s Museum – most of it is based around science and hands on activities. We’ve been several times with friends, but today it was just her and I.

Bella at El Paso Exploreum

I’ve been taking her since it opened last January, and it’s fun (and wistful) to look back through the times we’ve gone and see how much she’s changed since then. She’s getting so darn tall and kid looking. The baby-ness has all but disappeared.
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When Your Rainbow Baby Dies

Kaden was my rainbow baby. My child after the storm. The one that was going to fix it all. The pain. The brokenness. The trauma.

The ache of starting motherhood at the beginning with a tiny one.

He was the answer.

Definition: A “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born following a miscarriage or still birth.

Saturday he would have been 11 months. I sat in church the next morning, and a woman next to me gently placed her hand on my shoulder as we prayed quietly. I didn’t know her, I wasn’t praying out loud. Yet her and her husband prayed for Sam and I, for whatever we faced that we would trust God in it. I was blown away by their love.

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“Chawie” Gets an Upgrade

This shop is part of a social shopper marketing insight campaign with Pollinate Media Group® and Purina One, but all my opinions are my own. #pmedia #ONEDifference

We love Charlie – or as Bella calls him “Chawie.” He’s been a part of our family for 2 years next month and, while there are days he drives me absolutely insane, I don’t know what we’d do without him.

Purina One 28 Day Challenge

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