Flip Side of a SAHM and Changes…

February 20, 2010

   Being a SAHM can be really lonely. Today is one of those days. I am stuck inside, because it snowed 6 inches last night. I was going to take Bella to visit my parents but that’s out of the question. Sam is at work, and with him having the car, it means I’m here. Again. I’m telling you, after about the 4th day of him at work and me being at home during the winter I want to pull my hair out. Oh wait, it’s already coming out in clumps due to being post partum. DD and I are having a race to see who can go bald first. She’s only winning because she has less hair.
   I live in the town I grew up in. Pros and cons there. We moved back here after living in SoCal for several years. I missed the small town feel, everyone knows you and things are a lot slower paced. I felt like I constantly had to keep up with the neighbors in California, and that gets expensive. Going to the store meant timing it to avoid traffic. Finding a job (I was always a nanny there) meant usually listening to some mom prattle on and on about how she stays at home, really only needs a nanny to “help”, so she can go to the gym, store, tan, lunch with friends, girl’s night, dinners, and throw parties. Every day.

   So when we moved back here, to normal land, I felt really blessed to be back home. And in many ways I still do. But it is hard to come back after being a semi-crazy teenager, and expect people to look at you as a responsible grown up. And to realize that most of your friends aren’t people you really would be friends with anymore.

   We have some changes coming up. Sam is waiting to hear about getting a promotion where he currently works that would mean we would need to stay here for at least another year. Or he could get a transfer/promotion and we would need to move. Either way, this year will be the only year I can stay home and I’ll need to head back to work after that. If not sooner. I understand how many women would give anything to stay home even as long as I have so far, and I don’t take any day for granted. But I do want to live in a place where there are other families with kids Bella’s age. Where there are good schools, a neighborhood with parks and museums and zoos close by. I miss having friends my age that are interested in the same things as me. My very best friend lives 2 1/2 hours away, and so we see each other once every month or two. It would be amazing to live closer and go to things with her and take our kids.

   If we moved though, we’d have to sell our home. And just thinking about that makes me sad because I love it so much. And we would be much further away from my family. I would have to get used to the city again, the faster pace. I would definitely have to go back to work a lot sooner.

   I figure we’ll know soon enough. Sam will either get promoted here or transfered. Right now, lonely as I can be, I am counting my blessings as I listen to the laundry (cloth diapers – oh how I love to wash them!) Bella coo on her playmat, watch the snow whip around outside, and see the mountains covered in clouds as another storm rolls in. I think that eventually I will look back on this year as one of the best times I ever had, and I don’t want to regret that I didn’t realize what a good year it was.

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