I’ve been blogging for 4 1/2 months

May 24, 2010

It seems like a lot longer. I started on January 7th, for the sole purpose of writing because I was at home with a baby and couldn’t remember much of the past 2 months with her.

I’ve learned a lot these past months, and I understand what I know is the tip of the iceberg in so many ways. It’s been so much different than I thought it would be. I’m still figuring it all out. I don’t do ads because I have no idea how to. Seriously. I don’t know if the size of my blog is good enough for advertisers. So I took that part down. I’ve met amazing people on here, get to host things for Heir to Blair – who I adored for a year before I started my blog in hopes of her noticing me one day. I’ve learned about HTML, RSS (finally!) Google Reader and how to set posts to publish in the morning.

One of the main things I’ve learned is the power of words, specifically harsh ones. I’m guilty of this. At times, I empty my thoughts and emotions onto Blogger and hit publish without really thinking of what I am saying. My words, my tone, can hurt and anger. I react quickly to things that bother me, whether it’s a sales pitch or an annoying piece of advice.

In real life? I tend to hold my tongue a lot more. Really. But blogging is a little like driving a car – you’re anonymous and you can do a lot and speed away. Like honk, flip someone off, scream at another driver, tailgate, and cut someone off.

I don’t want my blog to be that, but I also don’t think I should constantly censor myself. These past few days have shown me I have to take responsibility for the words I write, no matter how much I believe in them. I have to be willing to deal with different points of view, with anger and even hatred directed towards me when someone finds what I wrote offensive.

It’s hard. If you can stumble on something about yourself that lashes out at you personally and read it without batting an eye, I’d like to talk to you. I’m not there. I don’t know many people who are.

Very rarely do I write things with a malicious intent behind them. Most of the time it’s just a frustration, a vent that I wrote about without truly considering what I said. I’ve never sat down and written a blog post with the sole purpose of hurting someone. Although some might sound like it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sorry for things I wrote on here. But I am sorry for the tone they had, or that I didn’t word it differently in order to explain myself without sounding like a very angry woman. I love blogging, I love the community and the friendships that have come out of this. I like to see different points of view and it’s been a growing experience to find out that *gasp* not everyone that reads this agrees with me. 🙂 Yes, my ego was a bit deflated over that.

I thank the bloggers who took the time to write honestly, yet respectfully, about how they felt on my posts, even if they didn’t think I was right. I thank all of you who wrote blog posts, sent emails, wrote comments, sent tweets and messages to me with support and even a bit of, “But you know what you wrote was a little harsh.” I know.

I promise to still write what’s on my mind, to not censor this blog because of feared lash back, but I also promise to slow down. Reread. Think carefully about what I meant to say. Read it like I was on the other end of the post.

I want my blog to show a strong, opinionated, kind, funny, slightly crazy 🙂 woman. So my words need to reflect that. Otherwise I let everyone draw their own conclusions about what I meant. Thanks for following, for reading, for all the feedback. I promise to make my blog worth your time when you click on it to read.

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