I don’t have it – at least, I don’t have a full blown case of it. My Dr. said that she thinks I have a mild form that can be helped with getting out more, leaving Bella with other people to encourage her and me that she will be ok, and assuring myself that I’m doing the best I can. If nothing else, it was just nice to talk to someone who I knew understood as a mother and as a doctor what was going on. I felt like I had the complete package to confide in.
So my parents have (quite happily) agreed to take Bella one morning a week while I find something to do – I’m not sure what yet as they also live in a small town wth limited activities, but there is yoga and pilates, or even just running errands by myself.
Sam also is going to take her for an afternoon on the days he’s off. He’s wanted to before but with breastfeeding it was hard to time it right. Now that she’s on some solids, it’s a lot easier for me to leave.
The Dr. said a lot of this has to do with a rough pregnancy, a tough first few months with Bella (no one can understand the toll barfing takes on you unless your child does it) and then the stress of moving, buying a home, and going back to work. Then on top of that, lack of quality sleep for months, although that has gotten a lot better the past few weeks.
So I learned part of my guilt is normal “mommy guilt”. Part of it is not. Whenever the guilt voice pops up, I remind myself I’m doing the best I can, and if I wanted to do something different – is it feasible? Would it be best for Bella? A lot of the time the answer is no. My guilt sometimes circumvents her chance to grow and learn new things.
We’ve all read the women who’s Dr. tell them, “Exercise and eat right, and get out of the house and your PPD will go away.” We’ve also seen the mess that can create when it doesn’t – hello Andrea Yates. However, I’m not in that severe PPD category, and I believe that can help mine. Also, it will be great for Bella to learn how to interact with different people without me around.
Yesterday Sam and I took off with her for a while to shop, visit my parents, go to lunch. We talked about me going back to work, and agreed I would look for a lower paying job in exchange for taking Bella with me, that he would take her with him on one of his day’s off during that time, that I could look for something only 4 days a week (nannies often work 10 hour days), and we can hire a housekeeper when I start working. Bi-weekly or weekly is to be decided. Housekeeper = ::head explosion:: This is something we can afford and that I think might be a sanity saver.
Thanks for the comments – for all the different points of view on this. If any of you want to talk or ask me anything about this, you can always email me at hormonal-imbalances at hotmail.com
And a quick sleeping update – Bella now takes 2 solid naps a day at about 2 1/2 hours each, goes to bed by 6:45pm and wakes up two times to nurse – usually 11:45pm and 3:30am. We bring her in to snuggle around 6 and all sleep until 8am. It’s been a very, very nice change of routine.