The Crazy Internet Lady

June 3, 2010

Ever feel like that? Ever tell someone, “I blog,” and they get that look of, “Oh my. I’m sorry you don’t have friends.”

It bothers me.

I have people in my life look at me like this a lot. To be clear – it’s not my family. They are supportive and wonderful. That includes Sam’s family as they are mine too. And it’s not my close friends.

Strangers. Friends I haven’t seen in a while. People I know, and chat with in passing. Other moms. It comes up in conversation and I get looked at like I have a third leg – everyone knows about it and can see it but no one knows how to tell me. “Honey, you have a little something behind you. I think…it’s another leg.”

Well, that would explain why my pants don’t fit.

I love blogging – actually I love writing. Love. I have piles of stories I wrote growing up, and I used to tell them to my siblings and nanny kids for hours. We had ones that went on for months at a time.

But some days, I do feel like the crazy internet lady. The one who “meets” people online, with all the implications that comes with. I sense that when I tell people about you all – especially the ones I’ve really gotten to know, and what I do on here – they take it as almost a sickness. Something I do that needs to be cured or helped. A rehab for blogging. I feel like they think, “Good heavens, poor little thing. Just sits in that house all day and has a pretend life.”

I feel that way at times. Like – what am I doing? I chat with people online I’ve never met? Pour my heart out to complete strangers? Sit on here while life passes me by?

Or not.

These past months of blogging have given me a purpose past being a mother. I love being with my child, but if it wasn’t for blogging, I would be a very disgruntled person. My child isn’t my outlet and fulfillment for my soul – nor should she have that responsibility. That’s a heavy burden to carry.

While I love having lunch with friends, traveling with Bella and Sam, talking on the phone, and visiting family, that doesn’t constitute as “me” time. Bella naps or is in bed for the night, Sam is at work or watching SyFy, after the house is clean, the laundry is done (or close), my fingers are itching to hit the keyboard and transfer my thoughts and emotions out.

I enjoy being able to fulfill the part of me that needs to document, to write, to create. I love sitting down with a head full of ideas and a hot cup of tea – Twitter on the other tab as I chat to you all. To tweek the HTML code just enough and see it change on my blog. To think of ideas on how we all can connect a little more. (New Mommy Blogger series tomorrow!)

I love thinking about what comes next for this, in a few months and years what this blog will be to me. I love the friendships I have made on here, the women I’ve connected with. I can’t wait to meet you. (BlogHer ’11 – I’m so there.)

Somehow, I need to be ok with telling people what I do “for fun”. It might have negative connotations at first. I have to be able to break those – to be confident enough in what I do on here and the joy it brings me that I can tell people, “I blog, and I love it.”

Because I do.

I don’t want to feel like I need to apologize, explain, or justify this to make others understand I am not sad or crazy. I simply have a different outlet than some people. And…I might find many are more understanding and accepting about this than I give them credit for.

I blog. I love it. This is what I do, part of who I am. It fulfills a creative side of me, beyond being a mother and a wife.

And you?

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