Sex at 17

July 14, 2010

When I was 17 I had sex for the first time. With Sam.

And my parents found out.

That was on of the worst moments of my life.

A friend’s dad told mine about his son “confiding” in him that we were sexually active, and he felt it was his duty to let my dad know about it. I was promptly marched upstairs, my mother called in, and point blank asked about it.

My dad said he already knew the truth so I said we had. Then my mom got upset, and they both just sat there and looked at me in shock.

Already being an evil child, to me it didn’t seem that big of a deal. In all honesty, I never really thought about what it could result in. The blindness of being 17 with no life experience.

I thought it was completely unfair that they told me I couldn’t see Sam anymore, because all my friends were having sex and got to see their boyfriends still. I was furious that my friends dad thought it was any of his business for telling my parents. I hated everyone for “interfering” in something I obviously had under control. I knew what I was doing. I liked babies. It wasn’t that big of a deal.

Until November ’09. When I had Bella. Suddenly it all clicked.

What was I thinking then? How on earth, at 17 with no job, no home, no education, no experience, nothing – how did I manage to have sex and not think it might have resulted in the biggest life change you can ever go through? Where was my brain?

I count my many, many blessings that in spite of how crazy I was, I only:

– had sex with Sam

– never got pregnant

– got to wait 6 years in a marriage until we both made the decision

because a lot of people doing the same thing didn’t get to have any of those things happen to them.

Thinking back, I wish someone had told on me more than just that one time. I did things I hope Bella never does.

Bella’s birth, and the first rough 6 months of her life, has made me more aware of the choices I make. It only takes one small bad decision to ruin a lot. Sometimes I think there should be a redo when you hit your 20’s/30’s and suddenly “wake up” and think, “Oh wow, what was I doing back then?”

I still bear the brunt of what I did in high school by living in this town and bumping into people that just don’t see me as a wife and mother. Or causing my other siblings to have a much more protected (somewhat in a good way) teenage experience. I heavily regret not waiting till I was married to have sex – and not just because it’s part of my faith – because it’s a practical choice. Raising a baby isn’t for a wuss, or for a 17 year old airhead who still thinks an umbilical cord snaps back inside of you like a tape measure after giving birth.

It’s such a huge impact on life, that it should be a choice made by two committed people. So props to you single moms because there is no way. NO WAY. I would have died from lack of sleep 2 weeks in.

There are some things in life you can never take back. As innocent, as unknown at the time as they might be, some decisions and choices haunt you forever, as unfair as it is. Because once you know what the consequences are – you’d never, ever think about doing it again.

Then you have kids and you start living it all over again through them.

15 Comments

  • Kari

    May 2, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Hi I have been reading through a lot of your blogs. This one bothers me though. I married my high school sweetheart 5 years ago, we got maried when we were 19 and 2 days before he left for basic training. We are now 24 and have 3 children. Hailiy age 6, Madison age 3, and Carson age 3 mos. See the thing that bothered me was the teen parent thing. I was 16 when I had our first, but unlike most young teens I knew what I was doing. I have lots of younger children in my family and i have a sister that is 5 years younger then me. I also did a lot of baby sitting and still do. I got a lot of crap for being a young mother and still do, but I know women in the 30’s that don’t care for their children and have had them taken away. My children are my world, and they are very well taken care of. Both of our girls are very smart. Its hard for me to believe sometimes that I have a child in 1st grade already, but we are so very proud of her she has had straight A’s all year, almost at a 3rd. grade reading level. We go to the library all the time and she reads to us every night. I teach my children everything they know. I am also I stay at home mom and my house is clean but being home all day with my 3 year old and 3 mos plus another 2 year old, 3 year old, and 4 year old ( friend’s children that I watch) makes it hard to keep all the toys picked up and the house the way I want it. When my husband comes home we eat dinner, give the kids a bath, then its story time, family time, put the kids to bed, clean up some and, then we end the night watching a movie together along with something else husband and wife do before we go to bed. My day starts at 5:30am and don’t end until about 10 pm plus getting up and down with a newborn through out the night. I much rather take our lil ones to the park or fishing than clean . I am a clean freak, but i have also come to terms with the fact that my house isnt going to be the way i want it with 6 lil ones messing it up all day long. I never get to sit down, i am lucky if i have the time to take a shower everyday, sometime i take a shower at 1 am lol. I know that having a baby isnt easy but there are some young mothers out there that are wonderful mothers. I am one of them. I would not my children to have children as young as i did though and thats our job to make sure that doesn’t happen.

  • Cindy @ This Adventure, Our Life

    July 14, 2010 at 5:22 pm

    Great Post Diana!! This is so very true. The decisions I make now are even different than I would have made last year, because now they all revolve around Bailey, every one of them. It is funny when you have a child you think Oh my what did I put my parents through, all the worrying, heartache, etc… I guess by the time I get to that point, we grow strong 🙂 cause sometimes it is hard to imagine Bailey doing all the things I did and others do!

  • Heather

    July 14, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    I shudder at the thought of my children doing even half of the crazy stuff I did as a teenager. The reality is that they will probably exceed my list of regrettable acts…although it doesn’t stop me from praying every second of the day that they are far wiser at that age than I was.

    As far as my parents…I never truly understood or appreciated them until my first child was born.

  • Jen

    July 14, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    Hey!! Not ALL your friends were having sex. Then again, not all of your friends had boyfriends. 🙂 I look back at some of the truly heinous decisions I have made throughout my short life and I am beyond grateful that I have such a normal, stable life now. I remember my mom telling me about some of the things she did as a teenager, and having 2 babies by the time she was 19. Her honesty really did help me make some good decisions. I made the bad decisions all by myself. I love your blog and your honesty!!

  • Cyn

    July 14, 2010 at 11:35 am

    Great post! Even though I’m not a proponent of abstinence-only sex ed, I do wish more kids would wait. It really is a huge responsibility to be a parent. Unfortunately, I just don’t know that it’s in the make-up of most teens to be able to see the negative consequences of their actions. Teens truly believe that they’re invincible, and I’m not sure how, as adults, we can convince them otherwise.

    1. Diana

      July 14, 2010 at 10:10 pm

      I think about that all the time – I honestly don’t know if there was anything that someone could have told me or showed me to make me understand I wasn’t invincible. So if I don’t know, how do I pass knowledge onto Bella about it?

  • Sarah

    July 14, 2010 at 11:32 am

    Oh crap what actually happens with the umbilical cord after??

  • Tweets that mention Sex at 17 | Hormonal Imbalances — Topsy.com

    July 14, 2010 at 11:16 am

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  • Tiffany

    July 14, 2010 at 11:05 am

    Well, rest assured, the worst moment – could have been worse. My parents found out I was having sex, when I told them I was pregnant. At 19. Perhaps your banishment was just the shake you needed to at least make you more careful. Clearly, you were better than me at taking percautions to begin with. LOL.

  • Kim

    July 14, 2010 at 10:48 am

    Amen. If only we could hit a redo button. I cringe to think what I will say when my kids start asking, “what did YOU do, Mom?” I’ll have to answer honestly, and pray that they will listen to what I learned.

  • Angela

    July 14, 2010 at 9:37 am

    When I think about all of the bad choices I made, I am shocked that none of them turned out worse for me! My poor parents; I never, ever understood until I had Abbey! Your posts are so honest and always make me think. Yet, in the middle of such truth and self-reflection is a snippet of hilarity (OMG on the umbilical cord snapping back after you give birth!) You’re such an engaging writer; I look forward to seeing your blog updates on my blog roll.

    1. Diana

      July 14, 2010 at 10:11 pm

      Aw. 🙂 Thanks so much. That was so sweet. And yes, I didn’t know what I put my parents through until I had Bella. And I’m sure much more sympathy awaits them in the years to come.

  • LA@TheReelFamily

    July 14, 2010 at 9:32 am

    Amen sister, Amen.

    At 27, I got myself pregnant and occasionally morn the loss of things lost like a big beautiful wedding and a few years of travel and fun with just the hubs. I can not imagine where my heart would have been at 17 or 20. The reality is I wouldn’t change my life for the world but I pray that my kids embark on the big life things in the time they choose and not the other way around.

  • Cathy

    July 14, 2010 at 9:12 am

    So, have you seen the show Teen Mom or 16 and Pregnant on MTV? HOLY MOLY! It makes me so angry sometimes.

    1. Diana

      July 14, 2010 at 10:16 pm

      Those shows walk a very fine line between glamourizing and honestly portraying motherhood as a teen. I feel like at times it’s more of a “story” that has to have some kind of an ending than a life that was changed forever. It tries to wrap things up at the end in an unrealistic way, although they do a good job showing how hard it is and how things don’t work out the way those girls plan for them to.

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