Playdates and other tiny terrors

September 3, 2010

I joined meetup.com when I moved, in hopes of getting to know other moms in the area with kids around Bella’s age. One of them was the S&L (where I live) Healthy Moms. I was excited to see that most of their members were all about cloth diapering, being organic, andย getting healthy.

So when I got the invitation for a 7-12 month old playdate at someone’s home, you think I would have been all over it, right?

Nope.

Instead, I have spent the past week pondering even going. It’s next Thursday and all I can think of is,

  • “What if no one there likes me?”
  • “What if they all already know each other and I’m the weird person that showed up to some lady’s home?”
  • “Should I bring a gift for the hostess? Does that scream kiss up? If I don’t, and everyone else does, can I go home?”
  • “What if they look at me and think, ‘Um, to join this you have to be healthy and you look like you swallowed a bicycle tire.’?”
  • “What if Bella bonks some kid on the head and the mom flips out on me?”

So needless to say, I’m shaking in my boots (my imaginary new fall suede knee highs that I won’t be able to buy) from the thought of attending and….

The Unknown.

Which is the story of my life. ๐Ÿ™‚

So any tips on getting over this? Attending a playdate with moms you’ve never met at a home you’ve never been to? Playdate etiquette?

11 Comments

  • Mrs. MidAtlantic

    September 5, 2010 at 8:04 pm

    GO! It never hurts to try something once. If you don’t like the other women, don’t go back! And just be confident that if YOU like who you are, other people do too.

    I mean, I’ve never met you IRL, but I certainly enjoy what you have to say on your blog! That means something, right? ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Susan

    September 5, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    You better go Diana! Sounds like the devil has been puttin those thoughts in your mind. ๐Ÿ™‚ Anyway, I’ll bet that each of the women there has thought the same thoughts contemplating their first visit. I don’t think you need to bring a present, it will just make the others feel like “Oh, I guess I should have brought one too,” You are such a neat gal and have a lot to contribute, even though you don’t think so. It will be fun and at the end of the day you’ll be glad you went. Let us know…

  • TheNextMartha

    September 4, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    So is there any way you can get in contact with just one of the people and ask them a few questions? Then maybe you can judge if it is full of awesome or if you need to run like the wind.

  • Stephanie @ Confessions of a Trophy Wife

    September 4, 2010 at 10:06 am

    You HAVE to break the seal! I joined a playgroup through meetup.com several months back and I’m totally social-phobic and I went through the same back and forth thoughts that you’re having now and more and finally I was just like, screw it, we’re going! Worst thing that happens is it’s not for us! Let me say, I’m soooooo thankful that I decided to get out there! The group that we are in now is so great! I love the ladies and there are kids for my son to interact with and they’re all women who are looking for friendship; moms just like me! So, my advice is to get out there! You’re going to drive yourself nuts until you do. I know this from experience ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Kim

    September 4, 2010 at 7:34 am

    Remember this: You rock. Bella is awesome. If they judge you for weird, materialistic reasons then do you really want to be friends with them? And again, YOU ROCK. (am I a genius or what??)

  • Joanne

    September 3, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    I say go! If you hate it then what you wasted only a couple hours of your life. If you love it then maybe you made some real friends in the area! I would be the same way though. I’m super paranoid about stuff like that. But it sounds like it would be a nice way to meet people! especially with kids Bella’s age!

  • mama23bears

    September 3, 2010 at 5:38 pm

    don’t let the fear keep you from trying it out. if you end up not liking, i guess just dont go back. i think it will be great and everyone will love you! how could they not? i mean really! i would love to find something like this here. i just signed me & the babe up for mommy & me type class for this fall. i figure with the girls in school FULL TIME, it will be fun to meet other babies his age & just focus on him.

    go for it! if you do bring anything i would just bring some cookies, premade, with frosting!

  • Cindy @ This Adventure, Our Life

    September 3, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    I would just say go! I have found the play dates a hit or miss. Just go and see if you like it, if not stay shorty and leave, and if you do like it then ๐Ÿ™‚ good! Let us know how it goes!

  • Daisy

    September 3, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    You’ll never know the answers to those questions unless you go! And, if you don’t like it, then, you don’t have to go again. At least after you find out, it won’t be the “Unkown” anymore, right?

  • Angie

    September 3, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    One other thing – as the parent of an almost-three-year-old, I’ve seen a lot of divergence of personalities and behaviours of the kids in our social circle. I must say that exposing them to other kids their own age so they can learn appropriate ways of interacting through experience is really important for their social development.
    (And on the flip side, a child with very engaged parents but little social interaction with their peers can sometimes struggle to interact appropriately with other children as they grow up. I’ve seen this first hand.)

  • Angie

    September 3, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    Good for you for looking them up! I’ve been a part of a mommy group for 2.5 years, and we’ve been a great support network for each other through teething, potty training, big kid beds, and new siblings. I encourage you to gather up your courage and jump right in!

    In answer to your questions:
    – What’s not to like? ๐Ÿ˜‰
    – They might all know each other. But they came together for the same reason that you’ve been seeking them out: they want the support and camaraderie of other moms of kids the same age. And after a few visits, you’ll know more about their lives and families and parenting styles, and you’ll be one of the group too.
    – Instead of a gift for the hostess, why not a contribution of a snack to share? Muffins or a veggie plate for the mommies, and if the kids are old enough, maybe some fruit or goldfish crackers and cheese? That way you’re sharing with everyone, and you seem thoughtful without being too much of a ‘kiss up’.
    – Most moms that I know want to feed their kids healthy, but don’t look like fashion models. We wear yoga pants and hoodies and have soft stretched-out tummies. And while a lot of us start out all organic and healthy-like, as our kids age we soften with our convictions. (shhhhh!)
    – Bella might bonk a kid on the head. (Around 12 mos they seem to go through a stage where they try to poke out each other’s eyes.) But you know? Every kid bonks another one on the head. Sometimes often. But I think the more important thing is how you respond to it. If you’re paying attention and respond appropriately to shape her behaviour with other kids, the other moms won’t be concerned. Their bigger concern will be if you don’t respond (or when she’s older, discipline appropriately).

    I really encourage you to go to a playdate. Being part of a great Mommy Group has kept me sane!

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