A Recovering Mommy Blogger – Behind the Goodbye

October 25, 2010

Metta from 365 Days (her former blog) is a dear friend of mine. We became blogging “neighbors” back early this year, and from there became Twitter fanatics, blog hop hosters, guest posters, and supporters of each others blogs. One day I logged onto my computer, and saw her latest post: “Goodbye.” That was all it said, and I was devastated. However, her reasons for leaving couldn’t be clearer and make more sense than the way she’s about to explain them in, what else, a guest post here:

First I have to say thank you to Diana for letting me take over her blog to write this post.  She has always supported me with my blogging endeavors and questions about anything and everything.  So it makes perfect sense that this post resides here.

So now, to the point of this post…

Those of you reading this, who used to check out my blog, know that about 2 months ago I posted that I was no longer blogging.  I got a bunch of emails and comments of worry and I so appreciate it.  I’ve wanted to write about this decision, but I’m so glad I decided to wait until now, because really, if I wrote about 2 months ago, I would not have had the clarity and insight I hold today.

What I realize now is that my obsessive personality was spilling over to the pages of my blog.  I have a hard time doing things I find passion in within the realm of moderation.  When I finally quit smoking cigarettes over 7 years ago, I started obsessively working out and counting calories and lost a lot of weight.  And then when I started grad school, I then obsessively started eating my stress and quickly gained the weight back and then some.  When the hubs and I decided to try to have a baby, I obsessively studied when the perfect time of the month would be to try to have a baby, that it became a chore, rather than fun.  I could go on and on, but I think you get the gist of this personality trait of mine.

Blogging/Social Networking, became my most recent obsession.  Despite not wanting to believe it to be true, it turned in to a high priority.  I had to blog everyday.  I mean I did set up my blog to be a 365 days one.  I did guest blog posts.  I solicited guest blog posts. I planned and hosted giveaways.  I tweeted till the wee hours of the night insisting that it was all for the betterment of the blog.  I wanted to become one of those ladies who can actually make money from their blog.  I wanted to become one of those ladies with thousands of twitter followers.  I wanted to become liked by all.  I wanted wanted wanted and that turned into me thinking I needed I needed I needed.

All while this was going on, I went back to work and started to feel pulled in so many directions.  I told myself I could do it all.  But really, my life was spiraling out of control.  I started to have panic attacks again because of all the stress.  I started to have panic attacks again because I wanted, needed control, but I couldn’t seem to find it. 

Something had to give. 

But I didn’t stop.  I kept denying the source of it all. 

Then one day I broke.  My family life was suffering because of this obsession.  After months and months I finally stopped being in denial of this fact. 

Then I grieved.  I grieved for my blog.  But slowly, I stopped being sad and started seeing the heavy weight being lifted off my shoulder. 

At this point some of you might be thinking that this sounds all lame.  And part of that is because there are parts of this story I can’t share.  Some things have to remain sacred, you know.  Some things are between me and my family and that has to be respected.  I have to respect that.

My husband had a suggestion to me when he realized how much I enjoyed the blogging.  He encouraged, and really still does, for me to follow my passions.  So now, I have all these crazy ideas floating around in my head about how to be a writer…you know get published and get paid for it.  I’ve started doing research and writing down my ideas.  It’s a long process, but I’m not going to give up on it.  I’m going to keep plugging away, but still make sure I don’t let it take over my life.  Luckily I have an amazing husband who does a great job of bringing me back down to reality all the while encouraging me to have my own thing to call my own and cherish.

 And now that I’m almost 2 months into the new school year, I have no flipping clue how I did it all last year with the blog.  I’m so busy these days with teaching (and all that goes along with that career), taking care of Abigail, and continuing to cultivate and grow within my almost three year marriage, that if I get one hour a day during the week to veg out of the couch, in front of the TV, I’m lucky.    What I realize now, is that I didn’t do it all last year, though I thought I was.  My job was suffering.  My personal life was suffering.  I was suffering. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not writing all this down to say that it isn’t possible to do it all.  Many of my bloggy mommy friends do it.  They find balance.  However, me and my obsessive personality just can’t cut it right now.  So the blogging is on hold…perhaps indefinitely.  But don’t worry, this isn’t the last of my writing you will see from this recovering mommy blogger.  Whether it be a guest blog post every once in a while or a tweet or my ultimate goal of becoming a published author one day, my writing will be around, just not as much.

POST SCRIPT:  For the past 3 weeks I’ve been trying to find time to even write this post, and I have some time to myself to breathe right now because Abby is home from daycare because she was barfing all day yesterday.  Oh the joys of being a working momma…some time to myself while my sick Abby naps.  And the fact that it has taken me 3 weeks to have time to sit down and write this is kinda the whole point I’m trying to make about myself these days. 

POST POST SCRIPT:  If you haven’t had your Abby fill lately, here are some of her 11 month shots.  I just die of her cuteness on a daily basis!

 

24 Comments

  • krystal

    October 25, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    I love you Metta and have a super soft spot for you. Im proud of what you have been able to do. It takes a very strong person to not only recognize that issue but to put into action a plan to right it. Im looking forward to hearing more from you in the future.

    1. metta1313

      October 25, 2010 at 9:29 pm

      Well it really took a lot for me to finally admit this. It was hard to accept it, but I’m so glad I finally did.

  • themanager

    October 25, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    i totally understand your reasoning. i have tried to step back twitter and blogging because i was obsessing over it. i had to tweet, i had to blog, i had to be on facebook. i realized i wasn’t really living my life that way and blogging wasn’t so much fun anymore.

    i know i made the right decision for me & it sounds like you did too! i’m glad things are going well for you!

    1. metta1313

      October 25, 2010 at 5:27 pm

      It’s always so good to hear from someone going through the same thing. Like you know I’m not the only one makes me feel even better about my decision.

  • Alexia

    October 25, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    Thanks for sharing with us what happened Metta! In all honesty it is completely understandable why you’ve chosen to take a step away from the blogosphere for now. I have missed your words and posts, but it will make it so special when I catch your guest blog from time to time. Really enjoyed seeing Abby again. She’s just adorable (and soooo big)! Good luck with everything and with finding a way to get published ; )

    1. metta1313

      October 25, 2010 at 5:26 pm

      Hopefully I can do some guest blogging…you know when I have time and stuff :). And my Abby is growing way too fast! ZOMG!

  • Kim

    October 25, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Good for you for taking a step back and finding your balance. That’s a really, really hard thing to do. 🙂

    1. metta1313

      October 25, 2010 at 5:25 pm

      This balance thing is still a tough thing. Like right now I should be grading papers while Abby naps and instead I sit here replying to comments. But man, I just love all the love I’m getting here.

  • LCW

    October 25, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    Missed ya Metta, thanks for sharing.

    1. metta1313

      October 25, 2010 at 5:24 pm

      miss you too lady!

  • D

    October 25, 2010 at 11:33 am

    It’s so good to hear from you! You have been missed, but we all understand that you have to take care of your family and yourself first. Abby is looking adorable as always – so good to see her smiling face!

    Thanks for coming back and sharing. Take care!

    1. metta1313

      October 25, 2010 at 5:23 pm

      It’s good to know and I’m glad I was able to sit down and figure it all out and not leave everyone hanging.

  • Law Momma

    October 25, 2010 at 11:28 am

    Aw, yay! Glad to see you on a blog… any blog! 🙂 Missed your words, friend.

    1. metta1313

      October 25, 2010 at 5:20 pm

      Hopefully I can pop up on other blogs too. I enjoy seeing a post from me too…or is that too egotistical? Who cares really 🙂

  • Jess@Straight Talk

    October 25, 2010 at 11:04 am

    I’m glad that you did what was best for you. You are a fabulous writer and I hope to someday read a book by the fabulous Metta. Good luck!

    1. metta1313

      October 25, 2010 at 5:19 pm

      Thanks so much!

  • Blair@HeirtoBlair

    October 25, 2010 at 11:02 am

    I have missed you so, my sweet blogging friend. But I fully understand & support you.

    AND OH MY GOSH, THANK YOU for sharing new pictures of Abby. She looks so grown up now!

    1. metta1313

      October 25, 2010 at 5:18 pm

      Abby is way too grown up now. I can’t believe she is going to be 1 in a week and a half. And you know I have always cherished your support in the blogging world and out. I am so grateful for your amazing support in my plight even while you are going through your own stuff.

  • Diana

    October 25, 2010 at 10:56 am

    It’s such a wonderful post. I miss you a great deal, I don’t think I realized what a great support system we had for blogging until you were gone – and now there’s not really anyone I can talk to about giveaways, or html – you know.

    But you did the right thing. You really did. And maybe, if life throws some changes your way that slows things down, you’ll find you can come back. Until then, I love seeing your name pop up in a comment and getting your emails.

    (((Hugs)))

    1. metta1313

      October 25, 2010 at 5:16 pm

      Thank you so much for letting me post this here. And hey, you can always solicit my advice anytime :).

  • Krista

    October 25, 2010 at 10:40 am

    Good luck to you. I have no doubt that you will accomplish your goals while growing a strong and wonderful family.

    1. metta1313

      October 25, 2010 at 5:15 pm

      Thanks so much. If it takes me 50 years, I will be a published author gosh darn it!

  • Nicci @ Changing the Universe

    October 25, 2010 at 10:18 am

    Oh how I missed you so! Thanks for sharing why you chose to become a recovering mommy blogger. I hope you know that I miss your writing and your sweet, red-headed baby 🙂

    I hope you are doing better and are more focused on the things that are most important to you!

    1. metta1313

      October 25, 2010 at 5:14 pm

      I miss my writing too! I am doing a lot better and rest assured I will try my best to post pics to twitter for you. 🙂

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