Life as a SAHM

November 19, 2010

It’s not just my Twitter name. It’s now a reality. With Sam going in the Army, I will more than likely always be a stay at home mom.

I know some of you are thinking, “Lucky.” I count my blessings for that – I really do. The past few months have been some of the most stressful in wondering what on earth I was going to do to pull in enough money for a decent daycare and to provide extra income. Every day I wake up and thank God that I have one more day at home with Bella.

But like any stay at home mom, I have “What’s the point?” days. Today is one of them.

  • What’s the point in getting dressed today? Bella could care less.
  • What’s the point in going somewhere when it’s cold and it will still be there tomorrow to go?
  • What’s the point in cleaning my house when it just gets dirty again?
  • What’s the point in putting on shoes, makeup, clean clothes, or heck – underwear for that matter?

I think the hard part about being a SAHM, especially as the winter sets in, is the fact that there is always tomorrow. And you know that tomorrow is going to be eerily similar to today. Like to the point you can’t even remember what you did from one day to the next since it’s just a CD on repeat with an occasional spaz out to stir things up. And the exciting spaz out can be, “Oh look, Mommy found a chocolate bar!” And that moment is remembered because a few days (and chocolate bars) later, your thighs no longer squeeze into the pants that aren’t clean and you didn’t care about putting on in the first place until you ran out of, well…chocolate.

While months seem to fly by, days can be never ending. I start to run out of fun ideas. Planning trips is hard with a twice a day napper. Because by the time we change a diaper, get dressed, fix lunch, eat, clean up, pack the diaper bag, haul it to the car and drive to the place, it’s nearly time for nap again. So the “stay at home” part becomes more and more ideal.

Would I want to go back to work on days like this? A tiny part of me would, simply to get up and nicely dressed, head to Starbucks and spend the day talking about adult things. Instead of spraying poop filled diapers into the toilet, sprinting over baby gates, poking at something on the carpet and then thinking, “Well, it’s been there a week already. Maybe tomorrow.”

But most of me would never want to because I love being home with Bella so much. And I’m terrified that I couldn’t do it all as a working mom. Honestly. I would come home and simply fall apart because of the amount of stress I would be under to run a home, work, and be a wife and mother. I greatly admire working moms.

I wouldn’t change this for the world, truly. This is just a little reminder to me of what life is like with one child that I will look back on one day and think, “Oh yeah, I remember that.” As a whirl out the door to soccer games, ballet, school conferences, playdates and perhaps work at that point, I can read this and want to strangle myself for not understanding the chaos that would come in a few years.

So for now? I will wait for Bella to get up from nap, do lunch and play, wait for a second nap, and then try to take her out somewhere. Because having the privilage of staying at home means my work to raise my daughter is bigger than my “What’s the point” days.

Maybe I’ll stop and get a Starbucks and pretend I’m the nanny. :p

24 Comments

  • Having a good day? Then don’t read this. |

    January 13, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    […] for Bella’s sake. And I’ve got a routine down during the day. But remember my “What’s the point?” post? I worry that might be every […]

  • Allison

    November 22, 2010 at 6:18 am

    Pretend you’re the nanny! Ha! I love that. Yeah, staying home can drag on you. I freelance write from home, but that’s slowed way down lately (not by choice) and I’m starting to get those unfullfilled-days-run-into-each-other feelings. My daughter naps twice a day too, which I need in order to do my job. But we HAVE to get out of the house to keep from going crazy, so I pack up her diaper bag, including lunch, while she’s taking a morning nap and she gets to eat while we’re out. That gives us a solid three hours out of the house between naps and forces me to get dressed. It helps.

  • Kim

    November 20, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    I would love to be a SAHM but I am afraid that after the newness of it wears off that I would long for the days of getting dressed, having adult interaction and just getting out of the house. Right now I have no time to do anything (cook, clean, etc) when I get home from work. I think the grass is always greener on the other side in my mind!

  • Cindy @ This Adventure, Our Life

    November 20, 2010 at 11:55 am

    I do a little of both, a little working outside the home and working inside the home. For me, I wish I could be home every day with Bailey. I miss her at work, and I find myself longing to be with her. I think it is such a personal choice and a hard one. For me, I know where I should be. I do miss grown up time, but that is when we go out to Mom’s groups, meet friends, museums, school, aquariums, the store, and go on walks to the park. It helps to add variety to the day. I also give myself a project once a week; making something, photos, etc… You are not alone, somedays are just blahhh!!

    1. Diana

      November 20, 2010 at 12:23 pm

      I understand completely – if I was gone I would wish all day to be with her. I feel like a lot of the time all we do is get out, and then she’s all screwed up on naps and a mess. So then we stay in. And she naps beautifully and we’re bored when she’s awake.
      *sigh*

  • Jen

    November 20, 2010 at 2:15 am

    Every day is like groundhog day, I’m not even kidding. And there’s only so many times I can come up with something “fun” to do because my 3 year old now tells me, “We already painted yesterday.” Um, well, mommy’s out of ideas, so who’s up for some Disney?? And I hate planning meals for 2 picky toddlers who really couldn’t care less if they eat or not. (Seriously, how do they survive?? My kids are running on milk and chewable vitamins most days.) I consider the day a rousing success if I brush my hair and put on a pair of jeans instead of my yoga pants.
    I am a SAHM right now, and I’m bored out of my ever-loving mind. I love my kids beyond all reason, and love being able to be there for them, but I need something for ME. Something to accomplish other than laundry and mopping and cleaning and cooking. Yep, I’m coming out of the closet and saying: I am a SAHM, not by choice, and all I want to do is go back to work. Not every day, but 3-4 days a week.

    1. Diana

      November 20, 2010 at 12:20 pm

      I love Groundhog Day – it popped up on Netflix the other day and I remember thinking, “I know how that guy feels.”

      See, and I feel accomplished when my home is neat, dinner is on, laundry is done. I don’t know how working moms do it all. I really don’t. Just finishing laundry can take 2 solid days.

  • Jen

    November 20, 2010 at 12:19 am

    Thank you so much for that post! It makes me feel better to know that there is someone else in the world that feels the same way about things that I do. Staying at home with my babies…..I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I really wouldn’t!! I’m not gonna lie though. At times I feel like I begin to lose myself in the dumping diapers in the toilet, washing bottles, cleaning puke off my shirt, etc. It gives me some solace in knowing I’m not alone. =) Thank you!

    1. Diana

      November 20, 2010 at 12:19 pm

      Welcome! It’s nice to hear that because it makes all of us realize we’re not alone. And the diaper dumping – hands down the worst part about CD’ing. Even with a diaper sprayer.

  • Tweets that mention Life as a SAHM | Hormonal Imbalances — Topsy.com

    November 19, 2010 at 11:25 pm

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Theresa Grant and Diana, Diana. Diana said: Life as a SAHM: It’s not just my Twitter name. It’s now a complete reality. With Sam going in the Army, I will m… http://bit.ly/aTGVYe […]

  • SarahinSC

    November 19, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    I’ve been “staying home” with my boys for nine years now. It WILL get easier and more fulfilling when the two-naps-a-day period is over. You will be able to go out and actual socialize with other moms while your daughter is playing. It DOES get better, even though it’s a tough job! Have you checked in to a MOMS Club in your area? I HIGHLY recommend it for your sanity!

    1. Diana

      November 20, 2010 at 12:17 pm

      Yes, they all meet during her morning nap. :p lol But once she gets over that, we can start to go to a lot more stuff.

      I will miss them though, it is my time to get things done and then be on here (like right now). But maybe she’ll do a much longer afternoon one.

  • Erika

    November 19, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    Oh Diana. . .you’re so not kidding! Great post. I can remember days (and especially in the winter) in the early months where I wouldn’t get out of my pjs because of exactly that. . .who cares? The baby sure won’t. Hubby, either.
    And now that I’m working, I so miss it. It has to be that grass is always greener thing. I find that where I once so longed for adult conversation. . .those in-depth, serious conversations about Elmo or Thomas the Tank Engine are so much more my style.

    1. Diana

      November 20, 2010 at 12:16 pm

      I wouldn’t give up being home with her for anything – you know? And you do. 🙂 But like you said, there are days when I’m just like, “It would be great to get out and do what I want and not have it take 3 hours.”

  • Stephanie @ Confessions of a Trophy Wife

    November 19, 2010 at 2:00 pm

    Ahh… “what’s the point days”. Yes, I have those often and it’s the reason why 5 days out of 7 I live in sweats. The other two days are the days we leave the house 😉

    All of my days run together. When my husband comes home from work and asks about our day, things like, “what time did little man get up today?”, “when did he get up from his last nap?” (because really… that’s what our day consists of and revolves around most days!) sometimes I honestly can’t remember because I can’t differentiate yesterday, from the day before, to today! So sad.

    1. Diana

      November 20, 2010 at 12:15 pm

      Yes! I tell Sam something about her and he’s like, “Um, you told me that yesterday.” Or I can’t remember what day it is. Today I’ve thought all day was Monday. No idea why.

  • themanager

    November 19, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    staying home is very hard! yes, i get to wear pj’s all day if i feel like it. yes, i can run to the store if i want to. but, we are NEVER alone. no lunch break, bathroom break or quick trip to the store. it can wear you down!

    but, it is also the most rewarding job with the best boss in the world!

    1. Diana

      November 20, 2010 at 12:14 pm

      It is! And yet, I treasure my time when she naps because it’s just mine. I don’t know for how long, but it is. And I love that.

  • Mrs. MidAtlantic

    November 19, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    I have those days too… like, what’s the point of blow-drying my hair for work? No one will care, and I’ll likely wind up moving boxes and getting all mussed anyway. So what’s the point?

    I’m finding that the “point” for me, is the ten minutes after I put in all that effort – be it cleaning, getting dressed, whatever. Because in those ten minutes (before everything is messy again), I feel accomplished. And that’s a great feeling.

    Which doesn’t mean a day in pajamas here and there isn’t a bad thing!

    1. Diana

      November 20, 2010 at 12:13 pm

      See, I wish a day in pajamas didn’t make me feel horrible about myself. I don’t know why it does.
      But yesterday I got dressed and we went out and I felt much better.

  • Jen

    November 19, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    Plus you can always work when she is in school, I think little kids need there mommies when they are little. I also think we need them just as much! Great post. 🙂

    1. Diana

      November 20, 2010 at 12:12 pm

      I do think about working when she is in school, or when they all are in school. 🙂

  • Kim

    November 19, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    oohh, Starbucks. Staying at home IS hard. It’s a full time job. Never let anyone tell you different. And it will change, evolve as Bella grows, and you will have days where you’ll long for the days you actually stayed home 🙂

    1. Diana

      November 20, 2010 at 12:11 pm

      I know it. And I ended up not getting Starbucks. The one near us is ghetto and I’m afraid of it.

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