Life Changing Moment

November 13, 2010

For those of you who haven’t heard, Sam is joining the Army. And while it seems sudden, there is a lot of thought and desire behind this for him.

We just moved here, but it was in moving I could see him change. He transferred through his work to the same job, and while it was better, I could sense an discontent in him still. We love the city, but I found that I didn’t have the same need to stay here forever. The thought of settling here for good seemed, well, boring. But we were grateful to be here, to have friends, for Sam to have a steady job.

So he brought up joining the Army. At first, I brushed it off, but as the days passed I realized he was pretty passionate about it. I watched him become animated as he spoke about life in the military. This was something I hadn’t seen in Sam for a long time. We decided to take the plunge and have him talk to a recruiter. This week we move forward in the process even further.

I was excited yet apprehensive. I’ve watched Sam deploy multiple times, once to war in Iraq. I never, ever wanted to go through that again. But I also understood that he’s not a white collar, desk job kinda guy, and he’ll never be fulfilled until he has a purpose bigger than a paycheck again. I get that, and I love it about him.

I sat watching Bella play the other night after a long day. She had been cranky and tired, no afternoon nap yet again. We had to go grocery shopping by ourselves and then lug it all up 3 flights of stairs – it took 3 trips. I began to realize this is what it would be like when Sam was gone; to training and possibly on deployment. I would be with Bella, 24-7. Possibly in a city I had just moved to. With few friends and no family.

I started to doubt if this was the right choice for us. After all, it would mean Sam missed months of Bella’s life. How could that be a good thing? What if he was deployed to Afganistan for a year or more? What if he left and I was pregnant and had hyperemesis again? I began to think of ways to convince him that it wasn’t the best decision for us. What were we thinking, and how had we jumped into this so soon? What could have made him want to do this again?

At that moment, Bella pulled out a basket and dumped it right next to me. Out fell a USO calendar we had been sent in the mail for mailing them donations. I remember Sam had casually picked it up off the coffee table the day we got it and flipped through it. Bella was up and I was busy with her but I can still vividly see his face as I looked up and he had tears in his eyes as he looked at the pages, and then sat for a few seconds staring at it. My heartstrings were tugged for him but I quickly forgot about it, and later set the calendar aside to hang next year.

Now, several weeks later, it lay beside me on the ground. All this flashed through my head as I realized that next day after looking at the calendar, Sam had started talking in earnest about joining the military again.

I hesitated opening it, because part of me knew what I was going to see. But I did, and saw men and women in uniform being sung to by a famous singer, eating together for Thanksgiving outside on paper plates, all of which I thought, “That’s really nice, how special, they work so hard”, and then. This:

Mother's Day - is more than cards and flowers when you haven't seen your daughter in seven months.

And I started to cry. As I sat on the floor in my apartment and sobbed, suddenly I knew that whatever happened, whatever it took, I would support Sam. Because the look on that woman’s face – Sam knows. He understands the sacrifice he’ll have to make as a father, husband, and person to be fulfilled and happy as a man, and to serve his country. He’s willing to do it because he loves us and America that much.

One day, that might be Bella throwing her arms around Daddy. While the months before that will be so tough, so hard to get through, that moment right there will be enough to cover it all. I can’t think of another life that I could be prouder to be a part of. aa

13 Comments

  • Because I don’t say it often enough. : Hormonal Imbalances

    February 24, 2011 at 7:36 am

    […] I forget how truly blessed I am to have this kind of a man in my life. Someone who would fight for our country, defend his family at all costs, get up and go to work every day to provide for us, and ache for […]

  • adriana@justbyliving

    December 6, 2010 at 9:33 pm

    cried like a baby reading this. you are a true inspiration

  • Jess@Straight Talk

    November 15, 2010 at 10:13 am

    Oh honey. My heart melts at seeing that picture. But you will be strong for you, for Sam, and most of all for Bella. And she will be proud to have you both for a mom and dad.

  • Jessica

    November 15, 2010 at 9:59 am

    God bless you and your family. I really think you are both incredibly brave and selfless. I wish you guys all the best in everything that you do.

  • Jessica

    November 15, 2010 at 9:09 am

    You are one brave woman. I hope this decision is best for your family. You’ve been through a lot.

    I am not one to judge at all. But I can’t help but notice that in these last few posts about the army and stuff it is all about what Sam wants. I can’t seem to find where the silver lining is of what you want, other that you want to support Sam.

  • TheNextMartha

    November 14, 2010 at 10:40 am

    My husband was in the Army before I met him. I can’t imagine what it would be like now. You are very brave and full of love. Thank you.

  • Brie

    November 14, 2010 at 2:22 am

    Many hugs, and well wishes to you and your husband. I’ll admit that once my husband is out I’ll be so happy to have some normalcy that I’ll probably go insane if he decided to reenlist after a taste of civilian life again. :/ Props to you for being so supportive… call me selfish, I just don’t know that I could be as strong as you!

  • Tweets that mention Life Changing Moment | Hormonal Imbalances — Topsy.com

    November 13, 2010 at 11:13 pm

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Diana, Diana. Diana said: Life Changing Moment: For those of you who haven’t heard, Sam is joining the Army. And while it seems sudden, th… http://bit.ly/cKtaWZ […]

  • Becca

    November 13, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    Wow. Powerful post. It’s so clear that your husband is a very strong man…with a very strong wife who is standing right next to him.

  • Kim

    November 13, 2010 at 9:14 pm

    You are an amazing, selfLESS woman.

  • melissa

    November 13, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    If anyone can do it, YOU can. You are enough of a woman and mommy to be everything to Bella when Sam can’t be there. And he will come home to a happy, and loving home and know its because of the wonderful woman he shares his life with. You got this 😉

  • Suzanne

    November 13, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    You guys are both very, very brave. We’ve got 10+ more years of deployments & moves ahead and I don’t know how we’re going to handle it.

    That’s not true – I DO know. We will get through it the same way we get through all our challenges. Together.

    Best of luck.

  • Alena

    November 13, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    I am crying, because I know what that means, and Cody knows what that means. I’ve been on both sides, and there is a sacrifice for both. But this is the life that gives my husband passion. This is the life he signed up for, and no matter that we got married with him as a solider, I signed on to stand by him in all of his decisions. I signed our marriage license to stand by and support him. And he signed to defend our country.

    Is it more difficult with a child? That’s obvious. But it’s worth it. And there’s no one else I’d rather wait for, pick up the slack at home for, or love more than him.

    And my sappy comment is over now.

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