Grab your ankles

January 20, 2011

Last night Bella woke up around 2am needing to be changed. And if you read my last post, you know that after doing this she also has to nurse to be able to go back to sleep. Unless I want to listen to her scream in a non-nursed agony for an hour.

So I carry her to our Rock-a-Glider. As I’m sitting there, I have the same thought I’ve had for, oh, probably 24/25 years each time I’m in the dark. “Someone is going to reach out from under this chair and grab my ankles.” You know, the thought that makes you (at age 7) run and leap into your bed at night so they can’t catch you.

Normally, mature woman and mother that I am, I instantly pull my feet up under me and find the nearest blanket to wrap around them. Because a blanket forms some sort of a protective barrier from the evil under the couch. Same as the covers on a bed.

But this time, I stopped myself and sent my brain a firm command, “There is no one under the couch. A: No one can fit under there. B: You have been watching way too many episodes of Lost and have yourself all skitzed out. Do not tuck your feet under you.”

So I sat. And as I sat and rocked, I became more paranoid each time my feet touched the ground. I understood no one could fit under the chair – but what if it was some kind of very small person?

Nonsense, I scoffed. How did they get in here?

They followed me. Or came through a vent. Like the smoke monster.

Keep your feet on the floor or else.

I rocked a tad harder to make sure I was causing pain to the small person under the chair.

Finally done with nursing, I carried Bella to her bed, quite proud of the fact that I had forced my fear into submission. There was no one under the chair. I had not lifted my feet.

Booyah.

Then I realized the underside of her crib was certainly big enough for someone to hide under. A regular sized person. So I leaned forward while standing as far back as possible, quickly laid Bella in, jumped back before I could feel the bony hands trying to get me, and left.

I left my child with the evil person under the crib.

Go me.

21 Comments

  • Cindy @ This Adventure, Our Life

    January 31, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    You make me laugh! I think this same exact thing!!

  • Jen

    January 22, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    Yes. I think things will grab my feet ALL.THE.TIME. And I can’t look out a window at night because something might be staring back. And if I have to use the bathroom in public, it is imperative that I leave the stall before the toilet stops flushing. And thanks to “Jeepers Creepers” I have panic attacks if I see a car’s headlights come up behind me really fast. And don’t forget about the whole “bloody Mary” game from junior high school.

  • Tracy (@metta1313)

    January 22, 2011 at 10:00 am

    Would you be mad if I told you I giggled throughout this post? It was in a kind of “I so can relate to you” in a sarcastic tone kind of giggle. For me it’s thinking that when I turn on the lights in the middle of the night, someone will be standing outside my sliding glass door.

  • Heidi K.

    January 21, 2011 at 7:26 am

    I totally thought I was the only adult who had this held over irrational fear from childhood. Thanks for the laugh and the reassurance that we’re all a little… special… about certain things. 😀

  • Desi

    January 20, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    hahahahah! I have this same exact fear. I also plan escape routes and then remember I have a baby in the next room and I’d have to grab her before I ran screaming from the house.

  • Tweets that mention Grab your ankles | — Topsy.com

    January 20, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Diana, Diana. Diana said: Grab your ankles http://t.co/IRzF91R Are you afraid of the person under your bed? […]

  • Sol

    January 20, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    Add this to the list of reasons why I love your posts. Im not alone! I have the same crazy thoughts 🙂

  • Law Momma

    January 20, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    Did you ever see the movie “When a Stranger Calls?” If not, don’t. If so… OMG THAT IS SO SCARY AND I’M FOREVER SCARRED.

    That’s all. I dont’ want to ruin anyone’s day by explaining that in that movie, the guy is a freaking ventriloquist and a paint expert and he paints his body to match the girl’s apartment so he can close his eyes and BLEND INTO THE FREAKING WALL!

    I have to go check the corners again.

  • Melissa Speegle

    January 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    I seriously could have written this! I laughed so hard because I am just like this. I had to make myself stop watching horror movies and reading creepy books because my imagination would get the best of me. I am so glad I am not the only one afraid of tiny imaginary people! Thank you for the laugh!

  • Branson

    January 20, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    Oh my gosh… Hilarious! My thing is looking out windows at night… Never know what might be looking back 😮 and we lived in a heavily wooded part of MO and I was always convinced that if I looked into the woods at night while driving I would see some monster looking back at me lol! Did I mention my inlaws are totally into bigfoot? Haha

    1. Branson

      January 20, 2011 at 2:29 pm

      Decided to share this post as one of my favs for the day 🙂

      http://blmerrill.blogspot.com/2011/01/i-may-not-be-writing-but-i-am-reading.html

  • E

    January 20, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    Thank you for the laugh!

  • themanager

    January 20, 2011 at 11:20 am

    don’t even get me started on what might happen to my toes if they are left uncovered.
    :::shudders:::
    i must admit, i have abandoned my kids with many boogie mans because i can’t fight them off. they know to go to dad if they are under attack…

    http://theleakysippy.blogspot.com/2011/01/5-random-ramblings.html#comments

  • Kristin

    January 20, 2011 at 10:57 am

    I love this post because when I was around 7, my oh-so-loving sister hid under my bed as I was brushing my teeth and grabbed my ankles as I was getting in it. I have been scarred for life ever since. We had sort of a long driveway growing up and when I would get dropped off when it was dark out, I would SPRINT up as fast as I could because I always felt someone was chasing me. I refuse to go in the dark basement if I am home alone and I can’t watch any kind of horror movies/scary television or anything to this day. You are not alone 🙂

  • melissa

    January 20, 2011 at 10:43 am

    OMGoodness I have tears I’m laughing so hard. This is ME!!! When parker wakes up at 5 AM and I’m not ready to get up I bring him to our bed and, being that its dark, I run the entire way with him half asleep bouncing all over, and slam the bedroom door behind us so any invisible pursuer will be cut off. It’s super soothing for both of us to go back to sleep right away.

    Oh, and this experience has been amplified since my hubby asked me if I smelled smoke downstairs one night as I was coming back up from putting parker to sleep. Me: “What? No, why?” Jamie: “I saw a cloud of whiteish smoke coming up after you on the stairs, it was probably just my eyes playing tricks then…”
    <:o
    And thanks to my addiction to ghost hunters, I am now convinced that there is a distinct possibility that something IS behind me.

  • alison

    January 20, 2011 at 10:36 am

    Dies laughing. Brings back our childhood with you tucked in across from me, with only your head poking out. 🙂

  • Noelle Spooner

    January 20, 2011 at 10:34 am

    Love it. Many years ago I saw Copy Cat and my heart still beats faster in empty public restrooms. Sometimes I even check the stalls. Ugh….

  • TheNextMartha

    January 20, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Wait, so you’re saying the Evil Night Ankle grabber is NOT real? Do you have proof of such? Until then my feet stay in its blanket cocoon.

  • Mrs. MidAtlantic

    January 20, 2011 at 10:00 am

    I never worried about things under the bed… but I did (and still do) flip out when my pillows, blankets or stuffed animals landed on the floor, because those evil floor monsters would get them! Don’t let the floor monsters get your pillows!!

    I blame the ever popular playground game “don’t touch the sand” for this paranoia.

  • kim

    January 20, 2011 at 9:55 am

    You.Rock. 😉 Ever see Pet Cemetary? THAT’S why I leap in bed. So you’re TOTALLY normal.

    1. Diana

      January 22, 2011 at 10:40 am

      I have never seen that movie. I simply can’t. Sam thinks it’s so strange that I never saw it.

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