Maybe it’s just me, but…

January 30, 2011

We met the sitter. I like her, her kids are adorable, the house is spotless. Everything seemed fine.


And this might be my paranoia of our first sitter – but she mentioned she’d like to take 1-2 other kids besides Bella. Then she said her brother lives with them and sleeps all day because he works a night shift at a convenience store. He’s in his mid 20’s. 

I have a slight problem with both of those things. It certainly is her right to take other kids, but this means people in and out if her home I’ll never really meet. And less supervision for Bella. I thought we were interviewing for a nanny, especially with the pay rate we agreed on.

The brother thing? I’ll be honest, it wouldn’t nag at me *as much* if she had said “my sister is here all day sleeping”. That probably makes me a sexist pig, but that’s how I feel. Either way though, it still means there is another unknown person in her home.

It’s only a few hours a week that Bella will be there. So perhaps I’m over-reacting. But since neither of these things were mentioned before, and brought up only because I asked questions that led there, it makes me wonder what else I might not know.

At the hourly rate we’re paying her, I’m tempted to get a nanny in our home that could help with light housekeeping during nap. Because I wouldn’t mind paying that for a private nanny – in or out of my home. I do mind paying it for what seems to be turning into a home daycare. :/

The question is – am I being too picky? Are these things minor seeing as Bella won’t be there full time?



  • Jen

    February 1, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    We have B in an inhome daycare and she has policies in place about parents coming into the home. Basically you aren’t allowed unless it is pre-arranged with her. And really there is no need to be there other than for pickup and dropoff. Over the last 7 months I have gotten to know the other parents as we pass by each other 2 times every day! In your situation my concern would have been the brother and my gut would have told me to move on and look for other arrangements.

  • Cindy @ This Adventure, Our Life

    January 31, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    Trust yourself! I believe in this strongly.

  • Holly

    January 31, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    I’m all for trusting your gut instinct. If something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t. The brother sleeping during the day thing is weird. I don’t think you would have posted this question if you felt comfortable with the situation. Why take any chances.

  • Alyssa

    January 30, 2011 at 10:54 pm

    Trust your gut.

    My mom told me about when she was looking for a sitter for my sister and I when we were younger. It seemed great (close to home, nice woman, good play area, etc), but my mom felt “off” about it, so we didn’t go there.

    Turns out something was not right with that home daycare. I don’t remember what was wrong, but it wasn’t good. Something like another kid got seriously hurt or died or something. I don’t remember but it was good my mom trusted her gut.

  • Morgan

    January 30, 2011 at 10:47 pm

    I agree with everyone else. Those things would definitely bother me and go with your gut. If an in home nanny is an option for you that sounds perfect. How nice would it be to have help with the housework? Ahhh…. 😉

  • Julie S.

    January 30, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    I say definitely go with your gut. If you don’t have a good feeling about it, then it’s probably not a good fit.

  • Erika

    January 30, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    I personally wouldn’t want Dylan in someone else’s home unless it was someone I knew well or it was more of a structured daycare. I think there’s always the risk of them taking on other kids and people coming in and out that you don’t know in someone else’s home. I don’t know what the rate is, but if it’s anywhere close to what I’m thinking, I think you’re perfectly justified in feeling it would be better to find someone who can watch Bella in your home and do some light housework.

    I’m sort of in the same boat right now of trying to figure out exactly what I want for Dylan with going back to work. My mom’s going to watch him one day a week and I’d like him to get some social time in a daycare setting, but I’m not sure I want that four days a week… I was thinking it might be nice to do that only two and then get a nanny/sitter the other two days… but then I feel like that’s probably totally over complicating things! Ugh… nothing is easy when it comes to making parenting decisions!

  • Desi

    January 30, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    I say, if you’re going to be paying for a one-on-one nanny…you might as well get one! Also, the chores during naps would be a huge bonus :).

  • Jen

    January 30, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    I’d like to say something helpful, and maybe possibly witty, but everyone else pretty much summed up everything I wanted to say. And my in-home daycare person is my sister, so I don’t even have anything to say from experience. But I wanted to leave a comment, just because. So here it is!!

  • Jen

    January 30, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    In short, NO you are not over reacting at all. I think that she should have let you know from the beginning these things, not after questions. That right there sounds like a red flag to me. Do whatever is best for Bella and you, not what is convenient for her, or what she wants. Its you that is paying her or whomever you choose and you need to be COMPLETELY comfortable with that person. End of story. I say go for the in home nanny.

  • Meredith

    January 30, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    I agree with most of the other commenters. It is a tough call, and I would have the same concerns. Perhaps particularly because it seems she wasn’t entirely upfront. Good luck with the decision!

  • themanager

    January 30, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    I wouldn’t say you are being picky at all. I would not feel paying nanny prices for an in home daycare is fair. also, I would NOTNOTNOT be comfortable with the sleepy brother.

    I say go with your gut on this one!

  • Mars

    January 30, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    I am with you 100% the same thoughts about the brother would drive me nuts! I have to agree with the other mommas go with your gut instinct they are all valid concerns especially when it comes to your little girl. Lay everything out on the table with her. Good luck!

  • Lisa

    January 30, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    The situation you are describing is a home daycare, no two ways about it. I’d go with your gut, if something seems fishy and she didn’t disclose it upfront, there are most definately other things she hadn’t mentioned. Hopefully, she did not advertise herself as a nanny, because that, my friend, is not a nanny! Good luck you and Bella!

  • kim

    January 30, 2011 at 11:30 am

    I’m totally w/ your gut. You’re not looking for a daycare. You’re looking for a nanny. Two different things. And yeah, the brother has friends that are going to be coming over and all that. And he’s going to be all pleasant trying to sleep while multiple one year olds run around the house? Riiight. Go with mama bear instincts on this one!

  • Noelle Spooner

    January 30, 2011 at 10:58 am

    I would go with your mama instincts on this one. Here’s my two cents. I would be concerned about the brother, even if you background check him, he still has friends you don’t know. Have you posted on looking for a nanny or nanny share? You have time so you don’t have to settle.

  • Alexia

    January 30, 2011 at 10:23 am

    I’m with everyone else. You are not overreacting At. All. An unknown 20 something guy that sleeps on the couch all day? Warning flag!!!! He may be a perfectly nice person, but unless you meet him I would agree that it’s not an ideal situation. If you can find someone else to be in your home for the same amount you would be paying this nanny that would be the option I would go for. You have more control and more safety that way. Or like Angela said, try negioting a lower rate for ‘in-home daycare’ and insist on meeting the brother and the other families that she takes on. Good luck!

  • Angela

    January 30, 2011 at 10:04 am

    I would ask to meet the brother and research him just as if he were another caregiver, even if he won’t have any interaction with the children. As long as there are no red flags in the background, that wouldn’t bother me too much. I am sure, as (I’m assuming) a single guy in his 20s, he has little to zero interest in the children and would just steer clear of them.

    The taking other kids issue is something that would bother me a ton and would possibly be a deal breaker. I would discuss with her that you agreed upon a set fee based on the set-up originally discussed (her children and Bella), and that if she plans on running a mini-daycare, you need to renegotiate a lower rate. If you wanted an in-home daycare, that’s what you would have sought out in the first place, right?

  • melissa

    January 30, 2011 at 9:25 am

    I totally agree. You thought you were getting a nanny and instead it sounds like she’s wanting to become an amateur daycare. Not cool. Id say something about it or just remove Bella until you find someone else. And I don’t like the brother thing AT ALL. Does she supply a background check on him? She should if he’s around your child, my daycare provider had one for everyone in her household available.

  • branson

    January 30, 2011 at 9:09 am

    I absolutely do not think you are being too picky! The thing that concerns me most is that she was not upfront with you. If it were me I would prefer someone coming to my home anyhow… I would have more control that way, haha.

    If I missed the answer to this I apologize, but did you discuss the blogs with her?

  • Suzanne

    January 30, 2011 at 9:08 am

    I think more than anything I would keep looking because of the cost. You could be overreacting to some of the other stuff but you know what? It’s your kid and your money and if a private nanny (with housekeeping!!!) is going to cost just as much that would ALWAYS be my choice. Don’t feel rushed to make a decision or guilty if you have to tell this nanny “no thanks it’s just more than we can spend.”

  • Krysta

    January 30, 2011 at 8:59 am

    You are most definetely not being too picky. I would be concerened too. You could tell her that you agreed to pay her what you did, because it was understood that it would only be Bella and her children. If that’s going to to change, I think the pay rate should too. Or just find someone to do it in your home! Good luck!

  • Cole

    January 30, 2011 at 8:57 am

    If you feel uneasy, keep looking. I’d be uncomfortable more with the fact she wasn’t up front about everything than with the brother… As you said, what else might you not know?

  • Elle

    January 30, 2011 at 8:50 am

    I think you have every right to be a bit upset. I would definitely not want to leave my child (especially a daughter) in a house with a 20 something year old male that I’ve never met. If the cost really is the same as a private, in-home nanny I would definitely go that route. It doesn’t matter if it’s full time or part time, you need to be absolutely 100% comfortable with where you’re sending Bella.

  • TheNextMartha

    January 30, 2011 at 8:49 am

    Oh, and who is this Kim with all the comments? Not jealous or anything.

  • TheNextMartha

    January 30, 2011 at 8:49 am

    Tough call. You have to do what feels right. Have you met this brother? Surely I would want to. Are there other options in that pay range that fit your needs better? Good luck.

  • Sol

    January 30, 2011 at 8:48 am

    I don’t know what others will say/think but for myself? I say trust your gut. Personally, I would not be okay with paying someone for one-on-one nannying and they take on more kids. You shouldn’t have to compromise what you want for your daughter. Your concerns come from what you feel is safest for her. That is not paranoia. That is mothering.

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