Literally and figuratively.
I took the first night Sam was gone and wallowed in misery. I woke up the next morning with a crick in my neck from sleeping on the couch, puffy eyes, my face hurting, and a stomach ache. So after spending the morning feeling sad, I decided to change my attitude quickly. 18 weeks of sad sack Diana weren’t going to be good for anyone. Especially Bella.
I’ve had goals since knowing Sam was leaving. 4 months is just enough to make some changes, but not so long that it becomes overwhelming to think about.
First, I’m getting healthier. Mostly by eating less and better. With Sam not eating, I decided to try to buy all organic. Much cheaper with just 1. And a half.
I’m also cooking our meals still, but finding new recipes that include a ton of veggies. I’m trying things like flax, kale, these little yogurt drinks – and it’s fun. I never cooked anything but spaghetti and eggplant parmesan until we moved here last year. Seriously. No wonder Sam cooked all the time. Poor man.
I’m becoming a lot more active. I enrolled in Zumba, I take Bella to the zoo, park, on walks, just getting out of the house. It’s been like 70 here every day (I know, right?) so we are outside as much as possible.
Bella and I are finding our own routine. It’s not easy – in fact by 7pm I’m so tired I can barely move. But there is a certain sense of pride I feel in knowing that I am doing this all on my own. The exhaustion is a reminder that I must be doing ok.
I’m still knitting. And loving it. I’ve got like a 2 foot scarf going on, and a callus on my pointer finger from the yarn rubbing against it.
I’m reading up on natural birth control. Because after being on something for 10 years, I’m beginning to wonder what it might be doing to me. One of the easiest ways I’ve found to chart is using the Fertility Flower on my iPhone. Wake up, take your temperature, and enter it in your phone. Done. Maybe being off birth control will help me lose some poundage.
I miss Sam. I really, really do. I miss his presence in our home. I miss him at night when we used to curl up and watch Glee or Survivor. He was such a help here the month he was home – mess and all. 🙂
But I’m learning that a lot of the time, I leaned on him to do things I was capable of doing – and forgot I was. I was afraid when he left I wouldn’t be able to do things he used to do. I can.
I’m putting on my big girl panties, manning up, and taking it one day at a time.