Asking for myself

June 16, 2011

This is a hard post to write. Because today my husband comes home. This post is supposed to be all smiles and rainbows, giggles and butterflies.

And there is some of that. But there is also a heavy dose of realistic.

I’m not naive enough to believe anymore that after a separation, I become a different person. I used to feel that I would be the BEST wife when my husband came home. FOREVER. His time in Iraq was so filled with fear and worry that by the time he was home, all I could think of was how we would never fight or be cross again because of what had happened.

Which, of course, is impossible and unrealistic. And leads to massive disappointment and resentment.

This time, I want to acknowledge the truth with the moments of bliss. I want to be swept away in the excitement while still rooted firmly in the fact that we are both human – and both still us. It’s not that I’m not completely thrilled to have him back. But I’m afraid of what I will do and how I will act once the novelty wears off.

This post is to ask that you will keep me – my thoughts, my temper, my stress and fears with our move, and my stubbornness to accept a change – in your thoughts and prayers. I have come to have my own routine and my own life these past few months alone. I have raised Bella totally my way. I have had no one question or balk at what I said. My word was law. My day was mine. The routine I set was the one I loved.

And this will quickly be gone at 10pm tonight when Sam steps off that plane. For his sake, and for mine, and even for Bella’s, I must learn to let go. I need to have a spirit of peace and know that my husband is doing his absolute best in this for us. I need to embrace the fact that there are two of us to help and set a different routine, and that my way – as nice as it’s been – may not always be the best way.

I simply ask for whatever it is you do for others, be it prayer or meditate or thoughts of encouragement, that you would do it for me. That I would be a source of joy to my husband and a rock for our family as we go through this, and not a whiny, controlling mess. That I won’t place unrealistic expectations on him or myself. That I can learn to step back and let him fill the role as a husband and father again.

And I thank you for doing so.

19 Comments

  • Jen

    June 26, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    It is frickin hard having to readjust to co-parenting. Sending lots of prayers that it goes smoothly for all 3 of you. Patience is key.

  • Jenny

    June 17, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    You are such a strong and wonderful woman, wife and mother and as tough and stressful as life seems right now you’ll look back and say ‘we got through it and we did awesome’ all things considered. Just acknowledging that you know it’s not all going to be peaches and roses and knowing your faults and tendencies is huge. Just take a few moments everyday to regroup and reflect. Will be thinking of the three of you!

  • Susan

    June 17, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    You are 100 percent ahead of the game by even putting your thoughts on paper and realizing the changes. Blessings to you both on your new adventure.

  • Sara

    June 17, 2011 at 11:49 am

    Sending good thoughts your way! Hope the transition back goes smoothly 🙂

  • Jennifer @ Also Known As…the Wife

    June 17, 2011 at 11:31 am

    You three will all be in my thoughts. Just remember it’s an adjustment for everyone, not just the soldier. Good luck to you all!

  • t.bird

    June 17, 2011 at 7:52 am

    T&P’s. you know it. <3

  • Blair@HeirtoBlair

    June 17, 2011 at 6:49 am

    You are such a good wife for even thinking through this. Good job, momma. You got this.

  • Erika @NAMAmmaSTE

    June 17, 2011 at 6:31 am

    I hope you all are having a great morning together!

  • Suz @ Suz’s Treats

    June 16, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    Quick prayer said & will continue to keep y’all in my thoughts.

  • Steph@GoodGirlGoneGreen

    June 16, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    Thinking about you sweetie!

  • Christi

    June 16, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Prayers for you & your family. With God’s help we CAN be the wife he created us to be. I get closer & closer as the years pass…when 10 years ago the thought of a man loading the dishwasher “incorrectly” was reason to make my blood boil! 🙂

    1. The Mrs

      June 16, 2011 at 5:35 pm

      You’re exactly right, Christi. I’m glad to look back ten years with Mr and see how God’s grown me up as a wife…and look forward to looking back to now with an indulgent smile.

      You too, Diana. Every day is new. God can do it through you.

  • Teresa

    June 16, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    I will say a prayer too. How honest of a post! I sometimes forget that I need to respect my husband’s decisions in some parenting matters. It is so difficult…

  • Kim

    June 16, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    Gonna have a little talk with Jesus. 🙂

  • Katrina

    June 16, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    Sending hugs and prayers your way because I know exactly what you mean! It’s hard to re-adjust your schedule and your whole life that much. And then adding the stress of a move and a baby and strong-willed personalities…You definitely have my thoughts and prayers

  • Jessica @ The Happy Spitter

    June 16, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    I will definately be thinking and praying for you!

  • Noelle S.

    June 16, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Thinking of you. Positive thoughts headed your way. <3

  • Miranda

    June 16, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    good thoughts to you, diana!

  • Amber

    June 16, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    I am thinking, praying, and everything for you.

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