A small miracle

January 31, 2012

The past 3 days I’ve been really sick. Well, more like the past couple weeks but really the last 3 days have been the worst, and getting worse.

Sam was home this weekend so he was able to take care of everything, but it was still hard. Hard not to be able to play with Bella, hard to lay on the couch hour after hour and wish I could do something. Even when we did get out for fresh air to the park I spent most of the time sitting and trying not to be sick.

And it’s just massive headaches, stomach aches, and constant nausea. But the kind that puts you flat on your back. 

Because it’s slowly getting worse, I started to worry. What if the hyperermesis I had with Bella comes back? What will I do with her from 7am-6pm 5 days a week (sometimes 6)? How much TV can we watch before we both explode? How will I get anything done? We have no food, I can’t cook, the house and laundry need to be done (very badly).

So yesterday, laying on the couch and trying not to move and be very still, Bella tugging at my arm and asking me yet again to play – I lost it. I started to cry, the guilt of it all washing over me as I realized just how much this could impact my little girl. I didn’t want it to. I think part of me had forgotten just what a mess I was last time – physically. I know it’s not going to hurt her to watch a few days of TV, but if I started to throw up again and be as sick as I was – we’re talking months of this. MONTHS.

I spent the day trying to do anything I could to entertain her for a while. Trying to get myself to feel better.

Last night as Sam and I knelt over her in her little bed to pray, I squeezed her hands in mine and said ever so fervently, “Dear Jesus, oh please, don’t let me be this sick again. For Bella, for Sam, for me, please just let this time be a little easier on everyone.”

This morning I woke up and tried something that had never, ever worked while being pregnant with Bella. I ate Saltines before I got out of bed. Sipped water.

And while I was queasy, once it hit me it was almost gone. I ate breakfast without gagging. Played with Bella and read her books. I can feel it – it’s there as a reminder, but it hasn’t taken over.

With Bella, it simply got worse every day. Until by 7 weeks I was so sick they did a u/s on me for twins. It never let up. Never went away. Not for a day, an hour, nothing. I just got to the point where I was on meds and knew I would throw up several times a day my entire pregnancy.

So this? Today? This is a small miracle. It truly is. I will grocery shop this afternoon. I will clean my house. I will play with my child and I will rejoice in the fact that I had today to do it all.

 

13 Comments

  • Miranda

    February 1, 2012 at 10:22 am

    That’s awesome! What a blessed thing to be able to go to the Lord in prayer :)!

  • Jenny E.

    January 31, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    Oh, I sooo hope this is a trend that will continue and you keep having good/better days! Reading this post was giving me flashbacks from being pregnant with G. As well as taking some horrible antiobiotics these past 10 days that made me so nauseous I felt like I did when I was pregnant. It is a whole new ballgame when you already have a LO to care for, but I think Bella probably understands more than you think she does. And like everybody else said, everything will turn out fine in the end! Here’s to prayer and saltines… keep it up!! 😉

  • Lynda

    January 31, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    A spoon of peanut butter worked for me. It is so miserable to be sick when you want to be joyful. Hopefully you will have a better time of it. We’re thinking of you.

  • Misty Pratt

    January 31, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    I’m so happy that the saltines worked for you! A lot of women see improvement in their second pregnancies, so I hope that’s what happens for you 🙂

  • Janelle

    January 31, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Have you read “Expecting Adam?” If not…please do. Right now. (kind of a random thought, but she was also very sick and worried that she kept planting her daughter in front of Sesame Street…and everything turned out OK)

  • molly

    January 31, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Girl, if the praying worked, I suggest you do it every morning! It can’t hurt!

    I hope you’re not so sick for long 🙂

  • Tonya

    January 31, 2012 at 11:03 am

    I’m glad you are feeling better today! I stumbled upon your website and I’m so glad that I did. I am 5.5 weeks pregnant with #2 and I am both exceited and terrified that I’m making a mistake. I have a 3 year old little girl who I love so much…. I could cry right now thinking about having to split my attention with her and a baby. And then other days I’m so excited to do this again and for her to be a big sister because she LOVES babies and will be an amazing sister. Anyway, I love your blog. Thanks for being here. – Tonya

  • Manda

    January 31, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Wonderful! I’m so glad that today is going better for you. I hope you have many more good days.

  • Bethany

    January 31, 2012 at 10:06 am

    God is good! It’s amazing how He answers our prayers!

  • angela

    January 31, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Hooray for small gifts. I hope the Saltines continue to work for you, though I know you will get through no matter what.

  • Desi

    January 31, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Oh I’m so thankful for you!! I can’t imagine how that feels. It’s one thing to do it when you don’t have a child, but a completely other thing with a child, it adds a whole new dimension. So, I’m glad you got some relief Diana!

  • Kim

    January 31, 2012 at 9:33 am

    the power of prayer. Amen!

  • Law Momma

    January 31, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Hooray! hope you have many more good days ahead.

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