Caught with my pants, well, off.

January 11, 2012

In the mornings when we have nowhere to go, I’ll sometimes let myself stay in pajamas till noon. When Bella goes down for a nap. This tends to work out well most days.

My pajamas are not – they’re not usually thick. They consist of yoga pants and a flimsy t shirt. Sometimes no pants.

Hey – I’m alone. There’s underwear and long shirts.

So the other day when the doorbell rang, I glanced down and made a decision. I wasn’t going to answer with my arms folded or smashed behind the door with my face poking out.

‘Cause that’s real subtle. 

I figured if it was UPS they’d do a courtesy ring while placing the box down and leaving. That’s what they do. But Bella happened to think it was Daddy on the other end, so she came running from the other room to see who was at the door.

Then the bell rang again.

Not sure what to do (because I do not want to go out to get a package at the UPS store 20 minutes away simply because I’m not wearing pants when they come to my house) I dropped to the floor and started to low crawl to the bedroom under the cabinets and windows to get my pants and a sweater. Not knowing if I’ll have enough time before he leaves.

At this point, Bella fell apart within plain view of the UPS man because, apparently, I am crawling away from Daddy and leaving him on the doorstep while he frantically tries to get in. Screaming, she hurled herself against the door sobbing, “Daddy! Daddy!” and I am stuck.

I can see the UPS man peer in at her, and I know he’s wondering what she’s doing in a house with no one there to answer the door. I have to make a decision:

my child and package or my dignity.

Pausing for a second to pull my shirt down and hunch over, I lifted Bella up as she bawls into my arm and reached for the door handle to assure him that I am, indeed, at home with my toddler and most certainly will accept the delivery. Pants or no pants.

I flung it open to the sound of howls and me standing there, pantless, no makeup, hair a mess, with a crying child – in my FULL GLORY – to dare him to say something – only to realize he’d left the package at the step and is walking away.

But with all the commotion, turns back around to see what’s going on. 

So with my head held high I put Bella down, waved at him without lifting my arms, and took the package inside. Without turning around.

And then I reminded myself that as soon as I wake up, pants should be a priority. Forever.

19 Comments

  • G S Lortscher

    January 26, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    I can really relate to this. I spend almost every morning by myself at home in my pj’s. But I always wear cozy flannel pj’s in the winter and have my robe handy just in case. Summer, now that’s a different issue!

  • Amber @ Backwards Life

    January 16, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    I’m pretty much always in PJ’s when I’m home. That or something “loungy”. I don’t wear real clothes if I’m not out in the real world…and makeup or showering are pretty much out too 😛

    I once had to open the door to a VERY LOUD KNOCKING door to door, mutha effin’, window sales person. SHADY? Yeah….and I was nursing my daughter. She was asleep on the Boppy. I carried the Boppy over with my newborn on it, boob pretty much dangling…over to the door and told him that I would NOT like new windows or a free estimate. Thank.You.Very.Much!

    I need a sign that tells these people to go away for the coming months!

  • Lori

    January 14, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    Can I just say thanks for this? I, too, have skulked under the edge of the windowsill so I wouldn’t be seen by the UPS man (one time he was a former high school student–very embarrassing!). I’ve been a SAHM for around 6 years now, and REVEL in the choice to remain in my …ahem…”loungewear” as long as decently possible. It’s just so much easier to roll around on the floor with the kiddos, and it doesn’t give you jean crotch and stuff. Maybe that was too much information. Sorry about that. Anyway–very entertaining.

  • Reg

    January 14, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Ha! I do this, too. Well, not the no pants, but I do stay in my pajamas most days until about 1 p.m. I get up at 5 a.m. to send my husband off to work with a good lunch, then wake our 6-year-old daughter up at 7 for school. A friend picks her up, so unless I have to run errands or go grocery shopping, why should I get dressed? 😀 I usually take a shower and get dressed before my husband comes home at 2:30 . . . only because I have to go pick our daughter and friend up at school at 3! And most days I don’t even put on makeup! My poor husband. 😀

  • Jen

    January 12, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    But not bra’s right? RIGHT???

  • Krysta

    January 12, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    This was hysterical. You sometimes stay in sweats until noon? I sometimes stay in sweats all day. Funny, because just yesterday I changed into real clothes and did my hair and makeup at 5:30..about 5 minutes before hubby walked in the door. Who does that? Hah!

  • Tammi

    January 12, 2012 at 8:02 am

    Hilarious!!! Pants are overrated. I’m sure the UPS man has seen his fair share of undressed homeowners. It may have been the highlight of his day. 😛

  • Jessica @ The Happy Monster

    January 11, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    Haha! I do the whole *cross my arms or poke my face out the door* things all the damn time.

  • Katrina @ Hix in the Stix ~ Army Edition

    January 11, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    This is too funny…especially as I’ve had something similar happen. In the summer time I sleep in a tank top and SHORT boxer shorts. I usually don’t change until noonish (like, right before my husband comes home for lunch and sometimes not until after!). Anyways, the day before my husband got locked out without a key and he had to ring the doorbell so this day when it rang my not quite two year old goes running for the door yelling “Daddy!” Too late I realize that the door is not quite all the way shut (thank you, dearest) as my daughter swings the door wide open for the nice UPS guy to see me in all my morning glory. Too his credit, he did not even batt an eye. Just asked for my signature and told me to have a nice day. My lack of make up, dark circles under the eyes, wild hair, and two children under the age of two just *might* have had something to do with that. Definite turn off at the very least! lol

  • angela

    January 11, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    I don’t shower for a while, either. It is COLD here in Michigan, so there are always pants. There is not, however, always a bra. I understand the crawling 🙂

  • MomEinstein

    January 11, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    Hahahaha. That is an amazing story. I’m jealous that it’s warm enough for you to not wear pants until noon. I have to sleep in pants most nights. 🙁

  • Jayme

    January 11, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    I always wear pants, but they tend to have holes in…unfortunate places. So really, I may as well not even wear them.

    When my daughter was a newborn and on the boob 24 hours a day, I was known to walk around topless. One morning, after a particularly sleepless night, I had just finished feeding her and was walking into the kitchen, guns blazing, to get some coffee when the doorbell rang. I turned back, had my hand on the knob and was thisclose to opening the door with my big milky, veiny boobs hanging out, when luckily my husband walked into the room and jumped over the coffee to usher me away from the door. It was not one of my finer moments.

  • Stacy

    January 11, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    I’m in a pants-optional house too so I’ve been in similar situations but without a screaming 2 year old. My suggestion? Keep a spare pair of pants hidden somewhere near the door for those “just in case” situations! Toooooo funny!

  • Ashley

    January 11, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    You need to sign up for My Choice with UPS. It will save you from this happening again. If by chance you forget your pants. 🙂

    Really, this is how we spend our day. It seems no matter what time I wake up, the second my feet hit the floor my kids are awake. So I wait to shower when they nap. Keeps me from loosing my mind.

  • Noelle

    January 11, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    Ugh, pants before noon? Thats crazy talk!! 😉

  • Jen

    January 11, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Hahaha, thanks for that! I alwaus wrar pants, but dint always open the door. Like yesterday, two men came to the door, with a sick baby who I jusy got to fall asleep (on my chest) I had not showered, and Brighton went straight to the door. Peered out at the strangers (we have a textured glass door with two glass windows on the side) the wave and wait for me to come. Brighton can unlock and open the door so I amtelling him not to open it, he keeps asking me who the are I say I dont know don’t open it. This goes on back and forth until they finally leave. They left me a flyer about their church. Nice! So yeah, been there done that, with the pants. 😉

    1. Diana

      January 12, 2012 at 10:23 pm

      It’s so funny to me how people can see you have your hands full and still expect you to open the door for a complete stranger. Baffles my mind.

  • melissa

    January 11, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read all week!!!!

  • Jen

    January 11, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    Bwahahahahahaha!! I always wear pants, but I have low-crawled into my bedroom in order to not be seen by UPS or Terminex. You have made my day.

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