Twinges of Guilt

January 24, 2012

The past 2 weeks have been a mixture of delight, pure joy, excitement…

And guilt.

Because it happened again.

I got pregnant on the first try. Just like with Bella.

So while I know the little jokes about “Fertile Myrtle” are nothing but well meaning and said in all kindness, sometimes they make me feel so guilty.

I have friends who have waited months, years to get pregnant. Whether it’s with their first or fourth. Sometimes they do. And they have triplets. And sometimes they still wait.

They are gracious enough to come over here and wish me the best, send me congratulations, leave sweet words. I know it’s just how it works, nothing I did or they did could change what happened to either of us. But sometimes it’s hard to know that it was so simple for us again. I feel guilt that I’ve never had to wait any amount of time and others never even got the chance.

What I want to say is that each of you that have shared your journey with me or online, I keep you in my heart. You are on my mind. Your willingness to share your struggles make me more mindful of how I need to be grateful every day for what I have.

When you all left comments on my announcement, it touched me deeply. All I can do is keep you in my prayers that one day I will be able to rejoice when you get your hearts desire too.


  • Kristen @ My Semi-Crunchy Life

    January 26, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    I understand just how you feel. We got pregnant on our first try with my daughter and I was thinking we just wouldn’t have the same luck the next time around, but we did. I was surprised and so, so happy, but also felt that tinge of guilt because I had friends who had been trying for so long.

  • Sarah

    January 25, 2012 at 10:19 am

    I have had three, very much unplanned, pregnancies, all while watching my dear friend struggle with fertility issues for years, with no luck. I understand your guilty feelings all too well.

  • angela

    January 24, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    I understand. I was very lucky in terms of getting pregnant quickly, too, and I have some good friends who struggled for years. I felt immense guilt, especially about the second. I think it just shows that you care about your friends.

  • Tabetha Smelser

    January 24, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    As someone who has been trying for 2 1/2 years for my first child, I dearly appreciate this post because I feel like a lot of the time, people who get pregnant without years and years of trying seem to forget about the ones who do. I have so many friends and family who got pregnant easily and then brush off everything I say about my struggles.

    But, even with my struggles, I am so happy and full of joy for you and your family! Don’t feel guilty. Never feel guilty. Everything happens for a reason. Everything. Your ease at getting pregnant and my struggles. We’re all exactly where we need to be. 🙂

  • Jessica

    January 24, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    Thank you for this, I needed this today… from someone. We are TTC #2, #1 wasn’t easy and #2 is proving to be just as diffucult. Dr is pushing for feritlity drugs and we are trying not to… but I think it is inevitable. That being said, you shouldn’t feel bad, you are having a baby, the greatest joy in the world and you aren’t rubbing it in anyone’s face.

  • Anne-Marie

    January 24, 2012 at 11:33 am

    I wish I could edit my comment. Please take out the typos? Please? : /

  • Anne-Marie

    January 24, 2012 at 11:26 am

    I second @Kate’s notion that re: warning younger relatives to be uber careful with the bc. I received this warning and thought I would get pregnant on the first try, given that I need two hands to count all the relatives who told me I would because they did. But we’ve only been trying for one month, so I am not complaining.

    I would also like to point out that you were so anxious about how your pregnancy was going to go, with good reason, that I am just so relieved to know that it’s already easier on you this time around. It’s also really hard to feel jealous about you getting pregnant easily when you had such a miserable first pregnant. (When my mom repeats that the women in our family get pregnant by sneezing and she always felt WONDERFUL when she was pregnant, I kind of want to scream.) The point is, you didn’t deserve to be anxious about getting pregnant in the first place on top of your fears that you would be unable to move without vomiting for almost a year of your life. Again.

  • Kate

    January 24, 2012 at 10:06 am

    I’ve had two “first month trying” pregnancies and I also always feel a little guilty about it. It just seems to be the way the women in my family are though because my mom, my aunt, and my one female cousin all were the same way. I mention this because it may be something you want to warn your daughter(s) about; I’ve made sure that my little sister and my cousin’s daughter know this so they know to be super careful with birth control.

  • Lisa @ Oh Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy

    January 24, 2012 at 8:22 am

    been there, felt that. Considering #2 was conceived despite two types of bc. I just remind myself that there is a reason for it all. It’s not about anyone deserving it or not, but somehow even in other’s struggles there is something there for them. Not that I would tell them that while I sat big bellied and swollen, but you know what I mean. And just because you haven’t struggled with fertility, doesn’t mean you haven’t had serious struggles. We ALL have our hurdles, just some areas are easier to see from the outside!!

  • NJ @ A Pocket Full Of Dinosaurs

    January 24, 2012 at 8:02 am

    I think, to some degree, the feeling of guilt is normal- especially when those you love either are struggling to conceive or have lost a pregnancy. It just means that you deeply care for them. The best you can do is be supportive of their pregnancy journey and hope that they’ll do the same for you.

  • Samantha

    January 24, 2012 at 8:00 am

    I had the hardest time getting pregnant with all my kids. This post just assures me that other people realize and respect that. Thanks for writing it and putting it out there.

  • Tara

    January 24, 2012 at 7:53 am

    I felt the same with with both of my pregnancies. We had no trouble either time getting pregnant and our “trying” was “I think we should stop birth control and see what happens.” Early in my pregnancies, I tried to hide it from some of my friends that were struggling with fertility because I didn’t want to burden them with any more than what they were already dealing with. They all told me though that it hurt worse that I felt I had to conceal my joy to keep them from hurting. Real friends support one another despite their current circumstances. As long as you aren’t running around all “Neener Neener! I get pregnant SOOOOOO easily!!” I’m sure they are over-the-moon for you guys 🙂

  • Suz

    January 24, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Ditto Jen. Beautifully said as usual Diana.

    My thoughts & prayers are with you that this pregnancy continues to be an easy, breezy joy for you & your family!

  • Jen

    January 24, 2012 at 7:20 am

    Having been a person with fertility problems, I will tell you straigjt out, yes its hard, especially when its a friend who gets preggo so easily. However, I (nor do I think any other woman) would want you to feel bad about having an easy time getting pregnant. Its fantastic!!! you deservr nothing but happiness!

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