They’re here with us. Not the way we thought they would be. But they’re home now. We’ll have a memorial service in Colorado in June. A way to remember and honor their short lives and to say thank you to so many of you who reached out to us.
I know they’re with Jesus, so this is just the earthly remains, but it still hurts. They were once in me, and now are here. This was all we were able to do for them and that hurts. We bought an urn. I wanted to give them so much more in their lifetime.
I have pictures of them, tiny handprints and footprints as well, that are still in our closet. I haven’t been able to look at them yet. I feel intensely guilty over this but also know that I have forever to do so. Just right now it’s too overwhelming.
They will never be recorded in history because I gave birth to them 3 days shy of 20 weeks. Which in itself is so painful to think about. How they were almost considered “real” to everyone. 3 days. And they were so very, very real and alive anyway. But in some small way, on here and in our lives, they will be known and remembered forever.
My heart aches so much for all the dashed dreams and plans this little box holds, yet holds on to the hope that their little lives continue to impact our futures in such an amazing way. It doesn’t take away the pain, but the thought comforts me all the time.
They are home, and they are mine again. My little boys.