September 7, 2012

::collapses on blog::

Y’all. I have had a BUSY week. Fun, but busy. Let me tell you – the thought of getting a puppy so Bella had a playmate?


::gasps for air::

Lord have mercy, that thought was ridiculous. More like we just got a second kid – not quite but close. Don’t get me wrong, I love that little thing. So much. But Charlie is a lot of work. A LOT. We started puppy training classes with him last week. They are working – he is nearly potty trained. We’re trying to get him to stop biting but Bella has perfectly sized hands and toes for him, plus her height allows him to pull food out of her hands quite easily.

On Tuesday I took Bella to her first play therapy session. It went really well. I’m going to choose to keep that a bit quieter than I do with most things on here. Because it’s about her and while I don’t mind sharing all my problems and deals, I do mind sharing hers.

Sam and I started with the same therapist for grief and loss counseling on Thursday. We really, really like her. Both with us and Bella. I am surprised to find even 4 months out how emotional talking about what happened still is. The hospital stuff just tips me completely over. It’s a total and complete relief to talk to her though. I’m to the point in my grief where I want to talk about it all often, and in a really normal but still sad way. I don’t know how to explain it. I can talk about the boys in a really matter of fact way sometimes, and sometimes I just bawl through the whole story.

My friend Jen and her family drove down to visit me this past weekend for a few days. She lives in Texas but it still took her 12 hours to get here. Oh Texas.

She is an L&D nurse – and people? That is a TOUGH job. Most of us think it’s all babies and fun, but the stuff she deals with is almost too much to comprehend. I found such solace in being able to tell her what happened and have her get it. Get it in a way most people who haven’t experienced a second trimester loss can’t. From a literal standpoint. She knew. She understood how big they were, how I was treated, why I chose to hang on, how Preston lived for 2 1/2 hours – she just understood. It was a pretty amazing experience.

I’ve been working my tail off on here to pay for adoption expenses. You can see there have been ads on top of my posts lately, plus a surge of sponsored ones. Thanks for reading, for entering, for commenting. For coming back for the other stuff too. Our goal is to pay for this adoption without going into any debt and right now it’s a pretty realistic goal. Which is amazing. So thankful for what this blog and your support have allowed us to do in our lives.

Today should (fingers crossed) be the day we finally hear about our homestudy. I’ve had to email back and forth trying to figure out what’s going on, finally putting my foot down about things. I know. I’m getting ballsy in my old age. 😉 In the meantime, we have started the process of deciding on the referral of a waiting child. I have his little picture and it’s hard not to just stare and wonder what he’s doing right now.

We are doing ok. Life is good. Things are moving along. I am happy – is that weird? I am. I am still grieving and accepting a new life, but for the most part, I am content and happy with what I have right now. It feels so odd to say that.

God is good to us. And I know whatever we face in the months to come, He will guide us through it. That’s a pretty amazing feeling to have. Especially for me. The control freak.

On Babble:


  • Kim

    September 7, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    I love how you are approaching your new life and work. Your faith makes me examine mine. You’re navigating this new life of yours with grace, my friend.

  • Genilyn

    September 7, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Like Miranda, I rarely comment but often read. I so appreciate your honesty and transparency.

    The last lines of today’s post brought back to mind a song that has been running through my head for the last 24 hours or so. When I listen to it or sing it, I am reminded of my son’s premature birth, of the pregnancy we lost last year, and of the adventure of my current pregnancy. It’s Matt Redman’s “Never Once” — never once, did we ever walk alone. Never once did You leave us on our own. You are faithful, God, You are faithful….”

    I don’t believe that it was God’s will for my son to be premature or for us to lose a baby two years later. But as I look back over those (and many other times), I know that — even though it wasn’t his will — that he never left us. That he would NEVER forsake us. That he did what we needed to prepare us for those times and that he walked beside us every painful step of the way.

    As he has so clearly done for you.

    Never once did we ever walk alone.

    Blessings to you.

  • Miranda

    September 7, 2012 at 10:59 am

    I hardly comment on your blog, but I read every post. Thanks so much for sharing your life with us. I admire your strength and passion that you show about everything in life, even when it was so dark. I’ll be praying for you and your family as you continue on this new journey. I know good things are ahead for you all.

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