I’m 4 weeks and 4 days
Yeah, I’m excited.
I’m due August 25th.
Two days after the boys “due date” – which was actually Sept but 36 weeks was the longest I probably would have gone.
Already this little one is covered in prayers and love.
And yes, every day I wonder if this baby will come home with us. If I will have to come on here and say it’s gone. I can’t help it. I wish so hard I didn’t think those thoughts, but my therapist says it’s a way of grieving and healing as well. Which I still am. This baby isn’t a replacement of Preston and Julian in any way – if anything the closeness of their pregnancies at the same time makes the loss a little sharper. Makes me miss them and what I missed out on even more.
Then I pray so hard God allows me to have this one to fill some of that hole in my heart.
As I read the Advent story with the She Reads Truth community, I’m again and again blown away by the women that had enough faith to be a part of the Christmas story for all eternity, and I take strength from their stories and joy. If anyone had cause to worry, it was Mary. A girl from a nice family who showed up in public unmarried and knocked up while telling everyone it was God’s baby.
Think about that one for a second. She could have lost everything – including her life. Even knowing this she still obeyed and stayed faithful.
I don’t have as much riding on this pregnancy as she did, and so I take my cue from a girl who was probably 12, rode a donkey at 8/9 months pregnant for days, had her first baby in a barn with no help, the world had no idea who she was, no money or home, a husband who wasn’t the father, men showing up at all hours to peek at her kid, and a king that was determined to kill her little boy.
What an inspiration, what a testament of faith, what a picture of a mother’s love.