Meet Our Baby. The Non-Blob Version.

Last Thursday I went to see a high risk OB. I loved my midwives but honestly, after two high risk pregnancies, I just could not get comfortable with not having more precautions taken this time around. And even though seeing them means I’m not left alone, it also means my stress level goes down about 50 points.

So while the appointment took FOREVER and a day, it was well worth it when I checked in and the receptionist informed me the Dr. had scheduled an ultrasound that day as well. I was nervous, I mean really nervous.

I headed back to the room and the tech (who was so nice) did the gel, waved the wand around, and it was if suddenly my stress I thought wasn’t really there just exploded to the surface. I tried to hold back the tears as I asked, “Do you see a heartbeat?”

“Oh yes,” she said, “see it just kicking away in there?”

I burst into tears.


The poor tech was like… and I managed to choke out about losing the twins at 20 weeks in May, and her face just crumpled in sorrow as she said, “So you were just praying and waiting to see this little one be ok then? And everything is fine. We’re going to take good care of you both.”

Through my tears I managed to get a video for Sam with the baby moving and also the heartbeat. She pointed out the legs and arms, little nose. It’s so awe inspiring, so “There has to be a God” when you see a 12 week baby as a little person. Fully formed. Alive.

She printed me out a few pictures and later on I saw the Dr. It was a long day but a good, reassuring day. Today I see a perinatologist (MFM) who also will be working with my grief therapist and the OB on a plan of care for me during this time. I’m feeling a bit more steady with this and of course a little more nervous knowing that once again, I’ll have to go through some things I would have preferred to avoid. But the goal isn’t my comfort, it’s to get this baby here safe and sound.

So here we go, meet Baby #4 (no nickname yet but we’re working on one):




  1. Jen says

    You don’t me and I don’t know you, yet we’re sisters in Christ. Through your shared words I can rejoice with you and through our shared Spirit I can pray for you. Thank you for sharing and encouraging others through the hard times and the good! :)

  2. says

    I’m so very happy for you! I am thankful that you are being so well taken care of this time around and I’m praying for a full and healthy pregnancy for you and this precious baby.

  3. says

    What a beautiful & honest post! As someone who has also lost one of their children, I pray you’ll continue to be put at ease throughout this pregnancy.

  4. says

    Happy tears are flowing for you. There is nothing more amazing than the tiny fingers and beating heart of this new life. I am astonded daily of this idea that 1st trimester babies are blobs. I look forward to following your story. We are only a few weeks apart with our rainbow babies.

  5. says

    What a beautiful blessing! I’m so
    glad all is well with you and baby!
    I would also hazard a guess-
    looks like a little girl 😉

  6. says

    Seems as though you have found a very sensitive high risk OB – someone who will share your concerns, and will do everything possible to keep this baby safe. You are always in my heart.

  7. Laura says

    SO wonderful to see your little nugget! Im so glad you’ve found some way to take some of the pressure off this pregnancy. Im praying for you all.

  8. says

    I am so thrilled for you! Since pregnancy was a high psychological risk for me, having a whole team that communicated with each other was the key to staying calm. It’s such a great idea!

  9. Mary Lindsey says

    Praise the Lord!!! What a miracle! Praying for you, for your heart, for this sweet babe!! The MFM group I went to have me great comfort during my high risk pregnancy. Midwives are wonderful, but there is nothing like comfort in seeing your little love! Look forward to journeying with you through this!!

  10. says

    Hello, Baby! I’m sure you already know you have a great mother. We’re all so excited to meet you!

    And now I should actually talk to you, Diana, not just your babe. 😉 I’m glad you’ll be less stressed and I’m sending you tons of hugs, if you don’t mind them from a sister in Christ you haven’t met yet. (I tell you, it’s going to be a huge party in Heaven reuniting with earthly family and the spiritual one as well!)

  11. Stefanie says

    I love seeing your precious 4th baby!! And as much as I know you want to be left alone, I think it is very wise to see a MFM during this pregnancy. I am seeing one as well, and although I loved my Ob, I feel much more at ease with him and feel like every precaution is being taken to protect my baby. Praying you don’t meet this sweet baby until this summer!

  12. Kristina says

    He is so handsome! I’m guessing by the angle of the nub there it’s a “he”. I would not be surprised if that’s what you hear at the next U/S. Either way, congrats!!!!!!! This is so special!