Head Above Water

May 30, 2013

This is how I’ve felt the past few weeks. Like I’m out in a giant ocean of work/life/baby/life and am just treading to keep my head above.

It’s not all the time. But when it hits, it hits hard. Social media tends to dump it all at once. I can go weeks with nothing. My own blog and a few posts here and there, but some weeks everything comes in at once.

Our sitter has been gone to visit family since mid-April. She’ll be back next week and I can’t tell you how thankful I will be. Writing with a 3 year old is not an easy task, and by her nap I’m so tired I end up falling asleep as well – which is when I could work. As third trimester progresses, I find myself slowing down more and more. Partially because I’m huge. Partially because most of my treks are to the fridge.

Mostly because I can’t remember what I got up for in the first place so I wander around trying to figure out what on earth I was going to do.

Mostly that one. 🙂

The balance thing still throws me as a work at home mom. Sam has long hours coupled with days on the weekend he’s gone for a 24 hour shift, and this leaves me to cook, clean, run errands, go to appointments, therapy, playdates, homeschool, and stay in touch with friends.

I’m behind. I worry that eventually one place will can me because of it, because this month I just couldn’t keep up. Last month? Psssh. I had that sucker wound around my finger. This one killed me.

Writer’s block has taken over. I want to write and for some reason each time I sit down to I think, “No one wants to hear that.” So I don’t.

Then y’all get this instead.

I’m not complaining, just trying to sort it out. I go back and forth between being so thankful that this is my life and I can worry about it in a normal way instead of what I had a year ago with just loss, to feeling like any moment I’ll get that pink slip and I’ll have to start all over again.

I need to take Sam’s advice. “Just do it honey. Thinking about it doesn’t get the job done.”

Amen to that. If thinking about it all helped anything I’d have a spotless house, freezer meals for a month, homeschooling planned out, and blog posts written and set – all without leaving my chair.

Ah well. Soon this baby will be here and I’ll have a whole new set of thankful vs overwhelmed issues to deal with.

Which the thought of is motivating and exciting enough in itself. 🙂

So next week, hopefully I’ll be able to pull my huge self on a raft instead of just floating aimlessly into the sea. And start paddling.

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