Saturday night we took Bella to her first movie at a theater. Sam and I were SO excited for her to see a “giant TV” and we chose Monster’s University. (Side note: where are all the G movies lately?) We didn’t make it on time (SURPRISE!) and ended up with a 2 hour wait for the next showing. So we headed to Texas Roadhouse because it just thrills her to no end to throw peanuts on the floor.
Until just the past 2 or so weeks, it hadn’t crossed my mind often this pregnancy about how long it’s simply been us 3. I thought about that a lot with the twins, but this time around I was so paranoid about losing the baby again it was pushed to the side.
We’ve been so, so blessed to have nearly 4 years with Bella alone. Truly, as much as I wish this past year could have been different in many ways, it allowed us time to get to know her as a person even better. I didn’t want my kids spaced this far apart, a comment still nags in my mind someone once said to me about “feeling sorry for people who spaced their children out more than 2 years apart” (which I never understood – isn’t it totally just preference and circumstances?). However, if I look at the benefits that came from this, I truly can see God’s plan in this part. This past year could have been just a complete disaster with her, full of sadness and what if’s, instead it became a time when all three of us truly bonded tighter as a family. A do-over of sorts.
Something you know I’ve wanted for a long time because of her first year.
I got a short glimpse of life with a 2 1/2 year old and pregnancy. It definitely wasn’t easy but we managed, and it had some beautiful moments I’ll never forget. I have to say – 3 1/2 is so.much.easier. Bella truly gets so much more of what’s going on with me. Sure, we have days where she’s a complete disaster and takes advantage of the fact that she can run faster/scream louder/make a mess I can’t reach to clean. The times where she puts her head on my stomach to feel her brother, or announces to her little friends that, “Mama has my brother in her tummy,” or even telling our sitter that the baby is coming out of my ‘gina (that poor girl) – those are so memorable.
I never thought I’d have my next child quite this far behind my first, but the best laid plans hmmm? It’s ok, I know that we can do it sooner if we want to try again for another, but I would also be ok if we waited a while again. Or we adopted at an age in between these two. I’m just grateful that we got the chance to do this again, no matter how far the ages apart.
As we come even closer to ending the party of three I’ve gotten so used to, it absolutely thrills me to think of the new changes to come. I have future memories I can’t wait to see – Bella holding her brother for the first time, him being placed in Sam’s arms, us taking him home, her being a helper (she tells me she’ll change him but I won’t hold her to it lol), and the biggest one for me – him being placed on my chest so that I can both rejoice and cry at all the reasons our son is able to be here with us as I marvel at his perfection.
Even with my everlasting heartache for my twins, I praise my God for oh so many gifts I’ve had my eyes opened to in the midst of this all.