Day One.

August 6, 2013

Today was a big day for us and Kaden. I woke up around 4am this morning, pumped, and took it to the NICU where I spent about an hour with my hands through his isolette. His breathing problems are complicated to explain and still a bit unknown – no infection, no fluid swallowed, etc. However he’s rapidly gaining lung power, and that’s a blessing.

My mom and I were able to visit in the morning, and to our pleasant surprise we found that Kaden had been moved to the lower NICU level.

This afternoon Sam brought Bella by for a while, and she was disappointed she wasn’t able to see or hold Kaden. We explained that he needed to breathe better and he would come home when the doctors thought he was ready. I had a couple of little gifts for her as a big sister, we all had dinner, and then she went home with my mom for the night.

Tonight we were able to hold Kaden for the first time since right after he was born. I also got to feed him my pumped stash and then try to breastfeed. But he was so sleepy and content we ended up doing skin-to-skin instead. It was so special. I got to get a good look at him – he’s so perfect and such a chunk. The nurses were laughing about how he barely fit in the isolette because they get such tiny babies. And oh, do they ever. It makes my heart ache to see the tiniest ones and know Preston and Julian weren’t a whole lot smaller.

Every time I step in that NICU I have a little more faith in his care and the affection he’s given. It is SO hard not to worry about all the what-if’s, but I remind myself constantly that this is the way it is. It isn’t my ideal place for him, but it is ideal for his situation. So instead of feeling sorry for him and myself (which I still do at times) I try to do something. Pump. Visit him. Talk to the nurses. Remind myself that he’s in there regardless of how I feel about it, and hopefully he’ll come home very soon.

We still don’t have any pictures since they don’t allow that in there, but he’s doing wonderful and maintaining his birth weight. He looks just like Sam. I feel like I’m holding a mini Sam. It cracks me up. He makes the cutest little noises too.

I’m off to pump again, see him one more time, and get some sleep. I head home tomorrow. Thank you for all the prayers and good thoughts sent our way.


  • Trinity Stanley

    August 8, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    Rory was born at 38 weeks & spent 20 days in the NICU because of breathing troubles. It took a while to pinpoint, but they finally diagnosed him with PPHN.

    I'm a bit confused about the no pictures rule, too. We took tons of photos while he was in there & his big brother was able to visit him. In fact, as his grandparents were bringing Deacon home the night we brought Rory home, Deacon threw a fit & wanted to go back to the hospital to visit his brother.

  • Jill

    August 8, 2013 at 7:21 am

    It sounds like he’s getting stronger even if they don’t know why he’s having problems with his breathing still. I hope he comes home very soon!!

  • Emily

    August 8, 2013 at 4:16 am

    My youngest daughter was in the NICU for 2 months. Pumping for her was one of the only things that made me feel sane through that time. I hope he is out soon and home where he belongs!

  • Tanya Beckel Redfield

    August 7, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    Also wondering that here! We took pictures in NICU. The only thing I can figure is they don't want flash? Well then just say no flash… OR, they are worried about all the privacy stuff…well just make sure you don't take pics of other people's kids… it seems like a very odd thing. If you have a very critical baby, you'd be wanting to get lots and lots of pictures.. even if you don't, you want lots of pictures!

  • Nancy Johnson Horn (@themamamaven)

    August 7, 2013 at 8:57 am

    Thinking about your precious boy and you. Hoping he’ll be fine really soon.

  • Rebecca Morales

    August 7, 2013 at 2:27 pm

    I took pics in the NICU from my iPhone but you had to disinfect your phone every time you came in.

  • Michele Haytko

    August 7, 2013 at 2:17 pm

    That's so sad. We have hundreds of NICU pics from Bobby and Maya's 9 week stay.

  • Stef

    August 7, 2013 at 8:15 am

    So glad to hear he’s doing well. Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers. Love to you all!

  • Sarah Jane

    August 7, 2013 at 7:57 am

    I’ll be praying for Kaden! I’m sorry to hear that you’re not allowed to take photographs; I think that’s too restrictive. The reason MIGHT be because they don’t want pictures of other babies to be taken.

  • Suz

    August 7, 2013 at 7:49 am

    I’m shocked they won’t let you take photos in the NICU. I’m so thankful we were able to take tons with our phones to remember the 10-12 days Lucy & Zach were there.
    Pump in front of Kaden if you can; I always got the most output then!
    Treasure the skin-to-skin moments! That’s so sweet & precious & great for your milk coming in too.
    Talk to the nurses ~ ask about them & all you can about Kaden’s situation. I was as sweet as possible to the awesome ladies giving my babies the care I couldn’t. And I learned so much from them too.
    So much love is coming y’alls way. I hope you can feel it!

  • Stacey Jamerson

    August 7, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    All five of my babies have been in the NICU — from a little less than two weeks to almost four months. The hardest one? My biggest baby because he was just so close to not needing the NICU. It's such a roller coaster. But I too want to know– why no pictures?? Seems a little ridiculous that you can't take a picture of your baby.

  • Tiffany N Jeremy Patton

    August 7, 2013 at 1:08 pm

    My son was born at 36 weeks and his lungs were under developed and he had to stay in the NICU for 12 days. The longest 12 of my life, let me tell you. I know it can be a scary time. We will be praying. I do wonder like the others below why they won't let you take pictures because I have been in 2 NICU's and they both allow it. Also, the hospital I was at let me stay as long as they had an open room. One night they didn't but ICU had family rooms you could get for 1 night at a time so we did that for that one night. Glad you did get to hold him we had to wait 4 days to hold out son! Skin to skin is the best!

  • Lisa Neumann

    August 7, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    Too not "two" agh, that's going to bug me.

  • Lisa Neumann

    August 7, 2013 at 12:54 pm

    I keep wondering this two. I'm an NICU nurse and I've never heard of them not letting you take pictures. The NICU's I've worked in also allow siblings to visit, no matter their age. Other kids can't, but siblings can! This makes me feel so sad and frustrated. It's already a tough situation to be in without this added restrictions. Glad you got to do skin to skin today!

  • Molly

    August 7, 2013 at 6:31 am

    Congratulations Diana! He looks so sweet from that picture. Keep your chin up….he’ll get through his breathing troubles and be home with you before you know it! (I went through something similar with my 2nd). Praying for a speedy NICU stay for sweet baby Kaden!

  • Teresa

    August 7, 2013 at 5:51 am

    Congratulations again! I’m so excited for you and your family. They probably won’t allow pictures because they don’t want people sneaking photos of the tiny babies for shock value or whatnot. I’d understand. Can’t wait to see pics of Kaden. Love his name!

  • Jessica Pardee

    August 7, 2013 at 6:02 am

    Pump pump pump away! Pumping was what really got me through my daughters stay in NICU. It was the one thng I knew I could do for her. ♡

  • Raechel Myers

    August 6, 2013 at 11:54 pm

    Love you so much, dear, dear friend. I know this must feel so upsetting – so unexpected. I know how much you have longed for the “reward” of holding your warm and squishy baby after waiting for him for so, so long. I ache for that with you and I also hope with you that this too shall pass very quickly and he will be home before the week is over!

    Hugs and prayers from Guatemala!

  • Ami Honeycutt

    August 7, 2013 at 5:34 am

    I was wondering the same thing. When my son was in the nicu at Sierra medical center, they encouraged us to take all the pictures we could/wanted.

  • Penny Wohlstein

    August 7, 2013 at 5:15 am

    Why won't they allow you to take pictures in the nicu? I've had babies in two different ones and they both allowed it. Congrats anyways on your beautiful baby boy!!

  • Bethany Thompson

    August 7, 2013 at 5:08 am

    So happy for you Diana. Praying with you that Kaden is in your arms again soon. Praise God for His provision and care for all of you!

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