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Rollercoaster of Normal

This morning I sit at a desk and stare at this screen, wondering what to write with the millions of things going on. There is so much I feel like I need to write on here. This place is one where I reread my words over and over until it makes sense to me. Often I don’t even know what I’ve completely put down until after I hit publish and go back to sort it out.

If my blog seems like an emotional rollercoaster lately, that’s a perfect image of what our life is like right now. High highs and low lows. I have always heard about NICU parents and what they go through, but until you’re in that world you can’t fully comprehend it. I certainly never would have. It’s the oddest thing to never know if you’ll end the day wanting to crawl under the covers and sob your heart out or grab your spouses hand and shout from the rooftops about how your child went off one of their meds.

Oddly, life is still life. We eat, we sleep, we laugh, we cry, we hold it together and we let it all fall apart. I miss Bella terribly but love my time alone reconnecting with Sam too. I am excited when friends I’ve never “met” but have known for years come out to see me. I look forward to small things like the better hospital cafeteria being open or a Starbucks at the end of a long day. Normal in the midst of the abnormal.

There is this fear that when hard things happen, life seems to stop. I learned how that wasn’t true when I lost the twins, but honestly it’s very easy to forget and fear again. Many people have told us how brave we are, but really? It’s not a choice. We do this because this is our life right now and we try to handle it the very best way we know how to. We don’t have a lot of options besides what we are doing.

However. If we didn’t have the support of our family, friends, and you all – I don’t know that this would be like it is. It significantly changes our day when someone writes a supporting email/comment/tweet or I’m praying/thinking about you. I wish I could show you all what it does for us when you put that out there. Once again, you have rallied around us so tightly. Each in your own way. I don’t know how to express what it means that thousands of you have our child’s heart on your hearts. When I look at Kaden each morning, I think of the prayers surrounding him as he lays in his room and his heart tries to keep up with his body. I think of you all as we place our hands on him in the evenings to pray before we leave. It feels like a million hands are in that room with us, all reaching out to hold and comfort us.

There are moments of anger. Moments of sadness. Moments of happiness and moments of extreme joy in all of this. Each hour can bring changes so radical it will take your breath away with trying to sort it out.

But we hold onto the steadiness of your hands reaching out to us. Whatever faith or religion (or not) that you have, whatever you decide to do to lift Kaden up – it matters to us. In those big and small moments of our emotions, we know that you are rejoicing and crying with us. We can’t ever thank you enough. Ever. As we go through this again with another child, we are blown away by the people who came back and those who found us for the first time. As you read our lives during this time, know that the rollercoaster we are on is made a lot more normal because of all of you.

 

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Comments

  1. Such tiny little feet! Cute. I am always thinking of you, Sam, Bella and Kaden! XOXOX

  2. Love & hugs <3

  3. Even if being ‘brave’ is what you *have* to do right now, it is still admirable. Being a person who tends to crumble in the face of serious adversity (especially since my adversity hasn’t scratched the surface of yours), your attitudes and strength are a testament to who you are. You are doing everything you possibly can for your sweet family, and that is wonderful. I continue to pray and wonder and hope and pray more for your family and sweet Kaden. I wish there was a way I could physically take your emotional burdens and carry them for you, but alas, we are not built in this way. Just remember. You are great. You are love. You are advocates. You are fighting for your son. And at the end of the day, you are humans. Humans who will hurt and be angry and be happy and be sad and THAT IS OK. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

  4. We haven’t met (yet), but I am rooting for you. I’m glad our paths crossed a couple of months ago and I look forward to meeting your family in the future. I’m jewish and praying as hard as I can for your sweet boy to get through this blessfully soon. You have so many people behind you and wanting to support you. You aren’t alone.

  5. Our granddaughter Eden is a “heart baby” too. She was operated on at 3 days old, 9 months old, and 3 years old in Boston. She had an infection (parasite) that almost killed her. We do know what you are going through. Her last surgery in Boston corrected 5 defects, and they literally reconstructed her heart with cadaver grafts, and re did everything just about. There are miracles happening everyday. My wish for you is that your baby boy is one, like our Eden Breanne is. She is a happy and healthy 8 year old girl now who loves horses. She has had a couple set backs lately with abnormal heart arrhythmia’s but so far, so good.

    We are praying for you. We also lost our sons twin sons in the 6th month of their pregnancy, and were there for their birth – so we know a small part of the pain of that as well. Just know that there are those out here who really do know, and really do care, and are imploring with God to intervene for your beautiful boy. God bless you all.

    Edens Grama in Connecticut

  6. Aaron & Hur held Moses's arms up when he couldn't do it anymore…my prayer (along with specifically for healing for sweet Kaden and strength for you & your husband) is that you feel the support of the prayers and you know in a real way that people are lifting you up when you can't do it yourself. Prayers!

  7. I love you all so much! Every second any of you pass through my mind I pause and pray. You are all covered in prayers!

  8. Joy Medders Tietje says:

    Beautifully said, Mandy.

  9. Still keeping you all in my thoughts every day.

  10. Such beautiful words you share, always–that is a normal–you have the gift of writing. We haven’t met, but I think of you so often. I’ve shared your story with my husband, and he thinks of you, too. YOU and Kaden (and Sam and Bella) have brought thousands of people together and we’re all thinking of you and hoping for you–for each beat of Kaden’s heart and each breath, that he gets stronger. Much love.

  11. Joan Eilts Bost says:

    And those prayers for healing are not going to stop! We all will continue to pray that your beautiful little boy Kaden will heal and will one day be going home to start his new little life.

  12. Thank you for the updates. It’s okay to not be okay and to cry and question. But also remember that yes you have so many people who love and care about your family and sweet baby Kaden. I hope that he has a good day today!

  13. I love picturing “a million hands” on your precious child.
    I have seen a few amazing miracles in my time so I refuse to give up…my hand of one of those.

  14. Jessica Pardee says:

    Diana-I first found your blog when my little girl was in NICU. During that time I would have good days and bad days. I am in awe of the faith you have despite everything. Every morning and evening I say a prayer for you all. I have been amazed by all the small miracles you have witnessed the past couple weeks. May God bless you, Sam, Bella & Kaden for many many years to come.

  15. Thinking of you and your family daily, praying for Kaden!!

  16. Your family is now a regular topic of discussion in my household. Having had a NICU baby, we are very familiar with the rollercoaster term. Our issues were nowhere near as severe but we can totally relate to not knowing what the day will bring. Please know you are thought of often and we are so looking forward to the day you post your going home picutres :)

  17. Nicole Tallmadge Bambalere says:

    "Normal in the midst of abnormal" – that is so life in the NICU. When you stand in that room, surrounded by machines hooked up to your precious baby and you keep thinking "this cannot be happening to me. I am going to wake up and everything will be as it should." Eventually it will be momma; Kaden is going to get better, he'll go home, get big, tease his sister and do all the other things little boys do. It WILL happen. We're all praying for you, for your family and for Kaden, all day, every day! xoxo

  18. we are here for ya’ll. and will continue our prayers for Kaden’s and ya’lls strength – moment by moment.
    ~love, hugs and hope~

  19. So many tears reading this. I sobbed last night telling my husband your story. First I started with the twins and then I told him about Kaden’s heart. He let me rant and rave and I said, “I’m so mad at God right now! How can He do this!” I want you to know that I pray every day, multiple times a day. I wish there were something else I could do.

  20. You can do it.

  21. Im not the praying type but I think of little Kaden often. As mom of 2 NICU and a non NICU baby who was sicker then those 2 babies I know your struggles. I will continue to keep Kaden and all of you in my thoughts!

  22. Michelle MacNeil says:

    Continually praying, continually thinking of you ALL, continually thankful for the moments of joy, continually amazed by each update you are gracious to share with us!! Your family is loved by many! God Bless each and every step of every day! <3

  23. I pray daily that you are given answers. Strength. Patience. Support. Healing.

  24. God woke me up in the middle of the night to pray for your son and for you.

  25. I’m praying for you all every day and look forward to your updates. We will be here praying until we read the message that your beautiful family is all home together and Kaden is thriving! Hugs and prayers to you all!!

  26. I’ve been reading your blog since right before you lost your twins and have been rooting for you since then. I couldn’t believe it when I read what you are currently going through. I pray for you everyday, multiple times a day. Hang in there.

  27. You’re doing great, Diana, everything just right. Do the best you can. We’re all sending love to Kaden.

  28. So beautiful. I love picturing your sweet boy with all our hands on him praying. I know he can feel it too. I passed a church sign yesterday that really spoke to me for you “Be patient, for I am not done – God”. He is still working, He is hearing your prayers, He is listening.

  29. I can't even remember how I found your blog but I have been reading since shortly after you became pregnant with Kaden. Please know that are people in Atlanta, GA praying for your family and that sweet baby boy. I am pleading with God on your behalf daily.

  30. Praying for your beautiful baby from here in the UK.
    Psalm 91 says 'Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High.
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
    I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”…………… He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge'.

  31. Diana, you write so beautifully. I can see all those hands on Kaden, and the rest of your family as well. Continued prayers and well wishes from St. Louis.

  32. Gracie Elizabeth Brox says:

    Holding your little one in my heart, wishing you all well.

  33. Continue to carry you all in my heart, Diana. Thinking of you and your loved ones. Baby Kaden is a fighter! We love him already!!

  34. Leanndra Johnson Foster says:

    You all are continuously in my thoughts and prayers. When I was going through my miscarriage and its aftermath and I couldn't even pray for myself, I asked God to listen to all the prayers of the people that were praying for me and honor their prayers. Just to think of the thousands of prayers reaching God's ears about Kaden. Keep strong Diana!

  35. i’m so sorry that this is the new normal for you. my heart breaks for you when i read your posts. all i can do for you is listen & pray but just know that we are all doing that for you & sam, bella & kaden. may you have more and more good days allowing the doctors to figure out what to do for baby kaden!

  36. I just wanted to say that I am praying for all of you. My mommy heart aches for you and I am praying God sends Kaden’s miracle to you now. God is hearing all of the people praying for this beautiful baby and knows how loved he already is. Big hugs from Michigan.

  37. Jill Benson-Nordquist says:

    Loving you and praying with you! You have my heart.

  38. Sending you thoughts for a swift recovery and believing in the day that you and your family will be together away from the NICU.

  39. Diana, I found you through A Royal Daughter many moons ago and have been keeping up with you via Facebook. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

    I know that hearing things like “God is in control” or “Just trust in God’s plan” are like a slap in the face right now…. I have been there. But I know that you know those things are true. <3

    I hope that God draws you even closer to His side during this time and know that we are all praying for you. That we are crying for you. And that we are filled with hope for your little child.

  40. Praying for you and your husband. For strength and peace and that you may feel God’s love and presence through it all. Praying for complete healing for baby Kaden as well. He is precious and he is His.

  41. Vernita Duvall Sharp says:

    When your faith is low my Sister…we will have enough to carry you through. We are praying for you all and will continue to do so. Keep on concentrating on LIFE and we will continue to PRAY for complete healing! We Love you here at our blessed little Prayer group…GOD IS LISTENING!♥♥♥.

  42. Diana – we were NICU parents – my daughter is now 18 and a senior in HS. I pray everyday for your family and Kaden. I will think of you tonight as you lay hands upon your son and pray for healing I too will raise my hand in prayer.

  43. Julie Ketter says:

    I'm so glad the comments are helping. I pray for you and for Kaden every day throughout the day and with my children before we start school each morning. I think Mandy said it best. We're here to help you and support you when you can't do it on your own. I've been in that place after losing my son and there were so many people praying for me. I know it's the only reason I survived. You guys are going through/ have been through so much I start to cry when I sit and think about it. I beg God to help you all. We will keep praying for you. We won't stop.

  44. Praying for a miracle and sending love!

  45. I haven’t commented yet because I just have no words. Tears stream down my face each time I read an update about your precious boy. But I am praying. Right now, right this second, lifting sweet Kaden to the Throne. And you, as well, my new friend!

  46. We won’t stop praying. We are standing with you in the gap, covering you with our love and trying to lend you our strength, because we know this is too big for just your own tired shoulders.

  47. Vicky Smith says:

    My prayers are with you guys – all of you.

  48. Love and prayers and light, every day.

  49. My cousin has been following your story and texting prayer request and posting it to facebook. I just started following you myself. I have been praying for you!

  50. thinking of you, praying for you and dear sweet Kaden. I told the boys all about him and for the past two days, getting in the car, Gio or Jacob will say “how is Kaden today?” that kind of LOVE is the kind I cling to and send along to you.

    we are sending you all the love and support we can from here. My heart is breaking for you but full of the hope of the miracle I am wishing for for you and that beautiful son of yours.

    XO

  51. Hi Diana,

    I am SO glad to hear that the comments are helping. I was hesitant to leave one b/c you don’t know me; I was just afraid to make things worse. But please know I have been praying hard for Kaden and your family. I know miracles happen and that we can all ask for him to be one of God’s miracles. I will not stop praying for that!

    Love, Casey

  52. Every single day & night you are on our hearts. Each day that brings new light brings new hope for your sweet baby boy and I pray continuously that he be healed. I wish I could do more. In some way I could offer help or do something from my little space in the world. I know we have never “met” but I talk about you & your family as if we have. We are holding you close, lifting you up in prayer, and riding this roller coaster with you. Please know if there is any-thing that I could offer-its as simple as that… prayer, love, and light. HUGS

  53. Cara Dean Jouglard says:

    My thoughts, prayers and love are with you!

  54. Former NICU mom…. Praying hard for you and your little boy.

  55. My hands (and heart) are with yours as you lay them on Kaden to pray….xo

  56. Lindsey Loren Bukhari says:

    Bless you. Bless Kaden.

  57. Dianne Gravel says:

    Because of your blog, you have made my daughter's life more normal. You reached out to others when your world was not whole. For this we love you. As you endure, know that we are praying for you, keeping you in our hearts and thoughts.

  58. Every day I pray for Kaden and your family. Sometimes I find myself at work in the middle of corporate America bowing my head to pray. Begging God to heal Kaden’s heart. I think of your family every day and each time I see an updated I saw a quick prayer that it’s the miracle we’re all praying for. Until then, I’ll continue to pray. Much love to your family!!

  59. <3

  60. How you are able to express yourself so beautifully during the modest of this roller coaster amazes me. Your heart and words are so beautiful, and I’m so thankful/proud/blessed that you are sharing them. Love you. Can’t wait to {virtually} see you soon. xoxo

  61. Diana~ When you picture our hands on Kaden’s heart, picture us holding you up when you need it as well. I don’t have the words to make this any easier, but do know you are surrounded in this great big space by people who are thinking of you and your family day and night – we fall asleep saying a prayer for your little guy and wake up doing the same. Sending so much love your way. xoxo

  62. I am thinking of you persistently and hoping and praying for you and your family.

  63. amen!

  64. Thinking of you and your family, I can’t begin to imagine how you are coping but I know that you have no choice, this is what life has dealt you at this time. I want you to have a healthy baby who gets to go home and meet his big sister in person and I want it now for you. Here is hoping my wish comes true!

  65. I have been following your story from She Reads Truth. I’m praying for you and Baby Kaden daily!

  66. Malachi 3:11
    11 And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground, neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field,” saith the Lord of hosts.

    Praying praying praying!!

  67. Diana, thank you for sharing your journey, your heart with us. It gives us the opportunity to pray for you, your family, and for your strength and that you would feel God’s arms wrapped around you during this time. {hugs} from san diego

  68. So many prayers going out to your family.

    The Lord replied, “My precious, precious child. I love you, and I would never, never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you. – Footprints

  69. Jacqueline says:

    Praying for you all, all the way from the bottom of Australia. You can do this, and you’re doing it well xx

  70. Lesley Miller says:

    Hi Diana. I have been following your Blog since your experience with the twins. I pray that Kaden will make a full recovery and that God will give you and your husband the strength to persevere through this very difficult time.. Lots of hugs from Kingston, Jamaica

  71. Just wanted to tell you that I think of and pray for your family and little Kaden every day!

  72. Teresa Nolan says:

    Love you Diana. You and Sam and Bella and Kaden. I don’t know much to say except I believe in the power of prayer and a mighty God. I have read your site for over a year, even though you don’t know me you hold a special place in my heart. Be blessed dear lady and I pray peace upon your family.

  73. I just came across your blog Diana. I am so very sorry for the struggles you are facing. We are praying for your family and sweet baby boy here in Missouri.

  74. Bonny Kiser says:

    Such cute toes praying for y'all. Hoping lol man takes great strides moving toward

  75. Just saw your most recent status update on Facebook. I’m praying that God wraps his arms around you and comforts you.

  76. Saw the latest updates this morning and I send you love and peace.

  77. Oh Diana, I just read your status on Facebook and I sit here, staring at my computer screen, in complete shock with tears streaming down my face. I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through. To say it is unfair would be an understatement. I’m not much of a religious person but these past few days, I found myself praying for a miracle you and your family SO deserved. Know that I’m joining others around the world in thinking about you today and sending you tons of love.

  78. Found out about your prayer request instagram. We are praying for you and your little guy!

  79. Sending love & prayers your way. xxx

  80. You are in my prayers in every way. God please help this family and heal Kaden.

  81. Jennifer Carson Klubnik says:

    I just found your blog through a fellow angel mom, and I am holding onto hope and prayers for Kaden… holding your family in my thoughts and prayers…

  82. You don’t know me, but I found your blog from another and I felt compelled to tell you that my heart breaks for you, your husband, and your daughter and sons. Know that tucked into the Rocky Mountains there are strangers thinking about you, and praying for you, and hoping that you will somehow find comfort from your pain. The words are inadequate but I don’t know what else to say.

  83. Stay strong mama and when you can’t, we’re here fighting with you. Sending you love and strength.

  84. There are simply no words for what you’re going through…Praying RIGHT NOW for you guys.

  85. So sorry you have to go through this. My heart absolutely breaks for you and your family. Praying for a miracle for you guys.

  86. Praying and fasting over here in Minneapolis Minnesota. We just went through a miscarriage a month ago, while it is so different. It all feels so wrong praying that God shows up how we are asking him to. For your boy to grow and love the lord and that his children and his children’s children would be all believers of the most high. That this is just a start of the most incredible legacy that God will weave. My heart cries with you. Praying big prayers to a big God.

  87. Claudia Beck says:

    Dear Diana! I'm praying so hard for you and your wonderful family, all 4 of you. May God grant you strength and the ability to see his purpose in all of this. ❤ Love Bomber Claudia

  88. I can’t imagine the turmoil in your heart and life right now. You don’t know me and I know nothing I could possibly say will make any of this better. But know my husband and I are praying for your and your family. Praying for a miracle. For your pain to ease. For God’s will and that you can endure, survive, and prosper after all this. For your marriage that it grows stronger. For your hearts, that they are mended. Love, prayers, support, hugs. From Green Bay, WI.

  89. Thoughts and prayers for your family and for baby Kaden.

  90. What a painful thing to go through! I pray that you find the support and comfort you need as you go through this incredibly difficult time.

  91. I am in TEARS, and to be completely honest, couldn’t finish your blog because of it. My heart aches for you…but it’s clear that you have more super-human strength than most, and you’ll get through this. Prayers are with you and your family, knowing that you’re in good hands. <3

  92. One hand on Kaden, and the other on you and your husband. Love can be so horribly unfair. Hoping for a miracle for you, you’re certainly due for one, and deserving of one. I will light a candle for Kaden tonight. Much love from Calgary, Canada.

  93. I found your story through the Kincaid Parade blog and I can’t get you out of my mind today. Hoping you get your miracle. Thinking of you and that sweet baby boy.

  94. Praying that you and your family feel surrounded with peace, hope and love during this time.

  95. Erin Schaeffer Humm says:

    Praying for you and your family. I can only imagine the heartbreak, fear and anger you are going through. May God be your ever present peace and strength. Love to you and prayers continually headed your way.

  96. Genevieve Thul says:

    Your grace in the face of your worst nightmare is surely supernatural. I have walked the road of loss and grief and it is good to read your words.

  97. I wanted to comment on something you said in today’s blog:

    “Many people have told us how brave we are, but really? It’s not a choice. We do this because this is our life right now and we try to handle it the very best way we know how to. We don’t have a lot of options besides what we are doing.”

    That may be true, Diana, but you are handling your reality with such grace. Bella and Kaden are lucky to have you as their mother. Your example will take them far in life when they have a crisis to deal with. You are an example to us all. Bless you.

  98. I am sending healing thoughts your way. For you and your family.

  99. Words cannot express how sorry I am for you. We are sending you love, light and a ton of prayers. You inspire us all.

  100. Amy Lesher says:

    No one should have to endure what you have. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  101. I just learned of your blog through Kristine McCormick’s page…my heart breaks for your loss (es)…I sometimes wonder how anyone survives what you have gone through. But you will. And someday life will be good again. So very sorry.

  102. Julie Schnurr-Letkeman says:

    I am so so sorry for all of your losses, and wish you comfort during this unbelievably difficult time. One of my favourite quotes is: "At the end of the day, all the children of heaven come together to paint the colours of the sunset" Carly Marie Dudley. I pray that every night, when you look at the sunset, you know that your sweet babies are looking down on you with love <3 Sending all my love and the world's biggest hugs XOXO.

  103. Diana, I am grieved beyond words for you and your family. I just wanted to let you know that you will remain in my thoughts and prayers for a very long time to come.

  104. Praying for Kaden and your family.

  105. My heart aches for you and your family. May the memories of your darling boy sustain you and nourish your soul in this very trying time.

  106. My heart is breaking for you. I have some friends who lost a child a couple years ago and I remember seeing their grief, and I can only imagine yours. Know that you are prayed for. I’m praying for comfort, strength, courage, and love for you and your family, and I’m praying for a miracle for little Kaden. Lots of love to all of you!

  107. Just went to Facebook to check in on you only to find you gone. I don’t know what happened to make you take the page down but I want to send you hugs here and let you know I have been thinking of your family often today and wishing you peace at this terribly difficult time.

  108. I am so very sorry for your loss. I just don’t understand why one wonderful family is having to endure so much pain. I can’t imagine the heartbreak you all must feel. I’m not a religious person, but know that I’m carrying you all in my heart and in my thoughts. I think of you every day and how much you’ve been through in the last couple of years. I hope somehow you find peace through all of this sadness and despair.

  109. I couldn’t find you on Facebook tonight either. I just wanted to let you all know how sorry I am for all you have gone through with your sweet baby Kaden. I can’t even imagine. I will keep praying for you and your family.

  110. The Lord kept me up most of the night and much of that time was spent in prayer for your family. Praying and praying and praying.

  111. So sad to hear of your families trials as of late. Stay strong through all this because really, is there any other choice?

    Much love, from a Love Bomber

  112. My heart has been in Dallas all day. I too, went to facebook to see what was going on – no pressure to come back until you’re ready, though. I lost my little baby boy in December. I can’t imagine your loss on top of loss. After the intense daily and hourly struggle of getting through another pregnancy after the twins. I can’t even imagine myself being pregnant again as badly as I want it. I’m not sure how this will help you at all….I just know that one day down the road you may come back and look at these comments and as the numbness wears off (again), you may be able to feel some of the love here for you and your family – even from a stranger as I. I know your bottle is larger than most. But your tears are still being held in it. May God grant you peace for the very moment you read this.

  113. Sara Carter says:

    Peace be with you all.

  114. Elizabeth C says:

    I am devastated for you and your family. Know that people all over the world are praying for you to have strength in this difficult time. I hope that you can take some comfort in that but I also know no words can make this any better. I am so so sorry. Many tears for you.

  115. Erica Bryand Ramirez says:

    Diana, I want you to know that you and Bella and Sam are in my heart and I am thinking of you and praying for you. We're beyond sorry that you have had to part with Kaden, and nothing makes sense of your loss. I am only writing to you since you wrote that just knowing that we care helps you through this… please know you are very close in our minds and prayers.

  116. Diana, I am so, so sorry for your loss. It seems so unfair. All the best.

  117. I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you.

  118. Kristin Anderson Jones says:

    I just wanted to reach out to you and let you know that I understand what you are going through. I lost my baby at 20 weeks pregnant a few weeks ago. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I know your situation is a little different because you got to spend time with him so I'm sure it makes it much harder. I'm so sorry. I know it is frustrating. I also have a little girl that was so excited to be a big sister. So it was crushing to break the news to her and to hear her talk about how she wishes she could have a little sister.If you ever want to talk please message me.

  119. Many prayers are being prayed for you, Sam and Bella. I know no amount of words can make the pain you are feeling away. Jesus, hold this precious family close to your heart. Much love!

  120. Ruth D Capocci says:

    Still holding you all in my thoughts, ive noticed your facebook page is gone and I am hoping you are just taking a break and nothing untoward has happened xx

  121. Tabatha Skelly Beam says:

    I have not seen a post in a couple of days. The last one said he would be going home to Jesus. I can no longer pull this up on fb. Has it been taken down?

  122. Tabatha Skelly Beam says:

    I m sorry to hear of the loss of Kaden yesterday. I am praying that you draw close to God and that His peace surround your family!

  123. Praying for you all. You are on my heart and mind constantly. Bearing this with you

  124. Read about you on She Reads Truth this morning, then found your blog through another blog that I follow. I just wanted you to know that you are on my mind and I am praying for you in NC.

  125. I heard about your family on twitter where the love and support for you has traveled far and wide. I am so sorry for your unfathomable loss.

  126. Tonya Leigh Boose says:

    I am so heavy hearted for your family today over the loss of your son. I absolutely cannot fathom what you are going through. Best wishes and huge hugs and love to your entire family. I am so so sorry for you.. <3

  127. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sweet Kaden. It’s unfathomable, to suffer the loss of three children, and my heart is aching for you. I don’t know how you’ll get through it–I don’t know how any of us does, I certainly don’t know how I survived the death of my baby girl. I only know that somehow you will, and I hope that even in the darkest hours of your grief you can find some small comfort in knowing that you’re not alone and so many of us are thinking of you and remembering your boys.

  128. I’m sorry seems so very inadequate. I am new to your blog and to your story and have spent the last couple hours reading over your posts about all of your sweet babies. My heart is broken for you. Praying fervently for you, your husband and your beautiful daughter.

  129. I am so very sorry for your lose. I had just found you through a friend on FB. We were just discussing this evening how very sad we were for you and how we hoped you found support among fellow bloggers and family. I come here and find you do.

    You are getting a huge hug from The Land of Oz.

  130. Jacqueline says:

    Still praying from the other side of the world. God is God, we are His people and His love never fails. Xx

  131. Jacqueline Goelst says:

    Praying God's strength carries you. I am so sorry for the loss of Kaden – you deserve better. Be encouraged that God doesn't give us any more than we can handle – you're one strong woman Diana.

  132. I was heartbroken to hear about the loss of Kaden – like so many others who follow your blog, I had hoped and prayed for good news. My thoughts go out to you, Sam and Bella, and your extended families. It’s just not fair and it never will be.

  133. Diana,
    As I sit here, I am crying out to God for you. I pray that he lifts you out of the darkness. I pray that he holds you in the palm of his hand, as you are his child. I pray that he shows you his face and leads you through such a time of anguish and anger. I pray for your husband, that he will feel God strengthening him, that he will guide your husband in how to support you and carry you through this. I pray for your daughter to understand what is happening. I pray that she sees you during this time so that when she encounters her own times of darkness she remembers her mothers faith and love and strength when things were bleakest.

    Though we have never met, I am praying for you today and in the coming days.

  134. I am so saddened to learn of the loss of your precious son. I’ve enjoyed following your blog and Instagram posts over this past year and hope that eventually you will feel more at peace. Thinking of you and your family even more now at this sad time.

  135. To Diana, Sam and Bella: My heart breaks for you on the loss of precious Kaden. I have no wise words to tell you that will lessen your pain. I can only offer my heartfelt condolences to all of you. Thinking of you.

  136. Many, many prayers have been lifted up from Boston on your behalf as well. I can’t help but notice that your bio on IG quotes Job, even before the loss of your precious Kaden: “Though he slay me yet I will hope in him.” This is such a witness to the promises of God in Christ. I read this quote recently and thought of you: “The most severe trial comes upon a person when he believes he has been forsaken and rejected by God. Such a trial comes only to the ‘greatest of saints’” (Luther). I pray that you feel God’s presence in an undeniable way even as you work through these same questions we all have, why, oh why. You have touched so many. Come, Lord Jesus, quickly come.

  137. You have been tested to the max, and I can’t even imagine what you are going through. I am so sorry for you and your family. I am praying for you, and I know you will see your children in their perfect bodies and spirits again.

  138. Diana, there are no words that can express how sorry I am for your loss. But somehow I felt I needed to tell you how many of us have been praying for you, that what you have shared matters, that we wish we could do something, anything. May you find strength.

  139. Jessica Beecher says:

    Thinking and praying for you and your family.

  140. Oh my heart breaks for you and your family..I know no words will bring comfort but know I’m praying for you and your family now. I have a cousin who blogs at maxmaddenandme.blogspot.com who may be able to relate to all your going through who is stronger than anyone I know.

  141. My heart breaks for you and your family. Our sweet boy never left the NICU and died when he was three weeks old last summer. You don’t need to be strong; as you said, you are walking this road because you have to. God can handle any anger you throw his way. To lose TWO babies and then have this experience is really just…there are no words. Just know that you are not alone. I have experienced subsequent loss, although not at the same level, and my best friend said she was crying “Enough!” for me. That is my prayer for you.

  142. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you and your family. My love and hugs to all of you in this time.

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