Remember Anne’s (of Green Gables) House of Dreams? The one where she and Gilbert settle in and have all kinds of wonderful memories and she cries leaving it because she loved it so much?
We left our old home today for the last time. It’s not far from the new one, but we won’t probably ever drive by again since it’s on an off the beaten path street. We spent the past week moving things over and cleaning up. 2 years and 3 months is a long time for us to have lived somewhere, and it’s the only home Bella remembers.
We walked in today to meet the woman doing the move out inspection, and I leaned against the wall and looked around like I have so many times. So many memories.
Where we moved in at 108* every day only to discover the carpet padding was soaked in cat pee that took us weeks of cleaning to get out.
Where we celebrated Bella turning 2.
Where I was pregnant with Preston and Julian.
Where I became a work at home mom.
Where I came home with empty arms.
Where we welcomed the home study social worker in for our adoption.
Where we learned we weren’t going to be able to adopt yet.
Where we celebrated Bella turning 3.
Where I found out I was pregnant with Kaden.
Where we prayed over Bella’s bed each night for all of our children.
Where we came home with empty arms again.
Where we truly learned what it meant to be a family.
I can’t think of another time there was so much life – lived and unlived – in another home of ours.
I won’t really miss that home. We made it into a space that was ever so comfortable and cozy (and clean). But it wasn’t ever truly home. It was just a place we lived that held both immensely happy and sad times. It became a pain to take care of, and most of it was spent with me being sick, sad, or pregnant. I’m not angry or bitter – it was simply a place we lived for those intense years. I keep hoping this new home won’t hold the same amount of pain in it’s time with us, and even more joy than that one did. It felt like we never truly completed a part of our life living there.
Leaving today, I turned back and looked at it again only to think, “That was my little house of so many unfinished dreams.”
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