If you’ve read me long, you know how very much I was looking forward to moving to Ft. Bragg, North Carolina this fall. When Sam finally got orders to go there by October, we were both over the moon thrilled. Perfect timing; we’d head across the country with a new baby and Bella to a place we couldn’t fathom not loving.
But then Kaden got sick. And after he passed, things got complicated. Sam’s orders were pending deletion to help us move to Dallas instead, but that was no longer needed. With a cross country move looming less than 4 weeks away, a memorial service to plan, a house to pack, and a daughter who had her life tipped over again, we had to make a choice. Quick.
We chose to ask for his orders to continue to be deleted and us to stay in El Paso. Then we waited to see what the Army would do, and yesterday we got word that they would allow us stay here.
My heart hurts over this. I think the only word that explains how I feel – on just about every level of life right now – is bewildered. No rainbow baby. No much anticipated move. I don’t know why it all worked out so wonderfully only to all fall apart. I don’t know. Life just keeps getting more and more uncertain and complicated. Sometimes I feel like perhaps God has misunderstood the longings of my heart, or mine are so off base with His plan for me that this keeps happening?
I do know that this is a better choice for now. We will be here permanently for another year and then Sam can look at trying to be stationed at Bragg again. We’re moving into a new house anyway, this one holds too many broken dreams for us now. We have dear friends and an amazing support system. His work has been incredibly kind and generous to us. We are so, so blessed to have them in our lives. It’s cooling off and hey – winter here really is lovely. It’s a relief not to have to pack up and move 1800 miles away in a few weeks time.
Now we get to house hunt – and that means lots of pics and a house tour soon! Plus we’re going to update Bella’s room a bit (she’s about ready to fall out of the toddler bed ::sobs::), and plan out a homeschool room as well. I can’t wait to show you all and get your tips. I am a not a great interior (or exterior) decorator so any help I can get I’ll gladly take.
In the meantime, as bewildered as we all might be, we’ll try to make the very best of the next year here as we recover from some big life hits. A little stability for a while won’t hurt a thing.
“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:7