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Why We Talk Openly With Bella About Loss

September 12, 2013

I wrote this piece today for Babble Kids, but I am so passionate about allowing our children to feel their emotions (especially when it comes to loss) that I wanted to share it on here so that it reaches more of you. Please feel free to share the full article with everyone. 


My almost 4 year old climbs into my lap and asks for the hundredth time, “Where is Kaden?”

I respond with the same answer each time, it comforts her. “He went to heaven. He’s with the two babies (our twins).”

I can see her brain process this yet again. “You are sad?”

“I’m happy and I’m sad. I’m happy because you are here, so is Daddy, and I know Kaden isn’t sick any more. But I’m sad because I miss your brothers, and it’s ok to be sad.”

She nods. “You wanted them to come home, but no. Two babies were too small and Kaden was too sick.”

This same conversation is played out multiple times a day in our home with Bella. I won’t lie – talking about loss with children is hard. It hurts to see her try so hard to comprehend why we didn’t get to bring a baby home, again. After losing 3 brothers she’s waited excitedly for and been promised all kinds of fun things to do with, I can’t help but deeply feel the injustice handed to her at such a young age.   Read the rest on Babble


  • JusikaRenae

    September 13, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    Thank you for sharing I often struggle on how to explain pregnancy loss to my little girl, right now she just says a “Bear got Mommy’s belly”

  • Mary Kay Byers Wilburn

    September 13, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    Diana – I have had the same conversation with my daughter on how she has a sister in heaven always watching over her. At age 18 she still brings up Jessica and how it would have been cool to have an older sister. We discuss it and there is always a little bit of sadness but it is comforting to us both to know that Jessica is always with us.

  • Shannon McAvoy

    September 13, 2013 at 7:00 am

    Oh what a sweet child….praying for the words that will continue to come to you dear Momma!

  • Courtney

    September 12, 2013 at 12:46 pm

    I could not agree more. My baby sister died due to anencephaly at birth, four days before my sixth birthday. I was able to hold her at the hospital, ask tons of questions any time I wanted, and watched my parents grieve and was able to openly do so myself. I am an RN at the hospital my baby sister was born at and I am a NICU RN. Because of our experience I am able to help families going through loss, I get it. I think it is so important to be open and honest with your living children. Often what is in their head is much scarier than real life. I remember thinking Elizabeth would look so scary, when in truth she was beautiful and perfect. What you are doing with your daughter is perfect. Please know I am praying for you.

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