My Word in 2014

My Word in 2014

January 3, 2014

I didn’t “officially” announce a word of mine for 2013, but it started and ended up being Grace. For myself, for others, for my grief. I wasn’t real great at giving grace in any area, but it was a constant reminder to me to at least try. I began to think about the journeys and feelings of others, while allowing myself to just be – sad, happy, angry, bitter, excited – just be.

This year is a bit harder. I started thinking about a word in December. Not as a resolution of sorts, but more like a mantra. Something small and repetitive that would pop in my head in moments I needed to change my attitude or perspective on things I struggle with.

I sat at my little desk a few minutes ago still pondering a word, although one in particular has been tugging at me. Seeing my Bible, I had that 12 year old Diana moment where I tested God constantly. “Prove something to me Lord. Show me you’re real.”

And if I’m honest, this time a bit of, “You owe me this.”

I opened in the middle, and started reading. Psalm 116.

“1 I love the Lord because he hears my voice
    and my prayer for mercy.
2 Because he bends down to listen,
    I will pray as long as I have breath!
3 Death wrapped its ropes around me;
    the terrors of the grave overtook me.
    I saw only trouble and sorrow.
4 Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    “Please, Lord, save me!”
5 How kind the Lord is! How good he is!
    So merciful, this God of ours!
6 The Lord protects those of childlike faith;
    I was facing death, and he saved me.
7 Let my soul be at rest again,
    for the Lord has been good to me.
8 He has saved me from death,
    my eyes from tears,
    my feet from stumbling.
9 And so I walk in the Lord’s presence
    as I live here on earth!
10 I believed in you, so I said,
    “I am deeply troubled, Lord.”
11 In my anxiety I cried out to you,
    “These people are all liars!”
12 What can I offer the Lord
    for all he has done for me?
13 I will lift up the cup of salvation
    and praise the Lord’s name for saving me.
14 I will keep my promises to the Lord
    in the presence of all his people.
15 The Lord cares deeply
    when his loved ones die.
16 O Lord, I am your servant;
    yes, I am your servant, born into your household;
    you have freed me from my chains.
17 I will offer you a sacrifice of thanksgiving
    and call on the name of the Lord.
18 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
    in the presence of all his people—
19 in the house of the Lord
    in the heart of Jerusalem.
Praise the Lord!
 

So here I stand. On the very tip of 2014, looking out onto an unknown 12 months. My heart is broken, my faith is shaken. I am angry and I am tired of grieving and tired of searching for answers that I’ll never find.

I’m asking for mercy this year. Mercy for myself. Mercy to others.

“When justice is meted out, we receive what we deserve. When mercy is extended, we do not receive what we deserve. When grace is bestowed, we receive what we do not deserve.” – Apologetics Press 

It might seem crazy to focus on mercy when I continually struggle with the fact that I didn’t do anything that caused Kaden, Preston, or Julian to die. But guess what? Everyone has tough times in life, that’s what life is. My tough times just happen to suck a bit more than others right now.

In all honesty, as bewildered as I am that this happened again, I also deeply know that I’d rather be who I am right now, angry and all, than never have faced any of this and still be the shallow little twit I was 2 years ago. Who thought God’s love had something to do with me getting the right material things in life or being comfortable. I have a relationship with Him that is far deeper than I ever thought possible – yes, even in my anger. It causes me to search and seek Him and His will ever more.

I’d still choose this life over anyone else’s.

And so this year, I ask God for mercy on me. Mercy on my family. We are human. We sin all the time. I don’t deserve half of the good He’s given me in the midst of this mess. But I’m asking for this year to be a merciful year on us. On our hearts.

Then for me to turn around and show that mercy to others. I’ll fail. I’ll retaliate and make myself look like a fool. I’ll blow up, be selfish, and probably say bad words. But I still choose Jesus and His mercy. Every day. Forever.

My Word in 2014
Photo Credit

15 Comments

  • Bring it, 2014! – Do Not Faint

    January 26, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    […] info: I read a post over at my friend Diana Stone’s blog about how she had chosen her “word” for the year. I had heard of this idea, before, but not until it seemed a little late. The idea is really that […]

  • Jenny Hage Garity

    January 5, 2014 at 4:23 am

    Absolutely beautiful.

  • Desiree

    January 3, 2014 at 9:01 pm

    Beautiful…

  • Deirdre Egan Edwards

    January 4, 2014 at 3:52 am

    Amazing my dear, amazing. I wish you so much Mercy, piles and piles of it. Perfect choice for your word this year.

  • Lisa Maere Forgie

    January 4, 2014 at 3:27 am

    Beautifully said, especially after reading your previous post. . .

  • Kimbrough Gossett

    January 4, 2014 at 2:44 am

    "In all honesty, as bewildered as I am that this happened again, I also deeply know that I’d rather be who I am right now, angry and all, than never have faced any of this and still be the shallow little twit I was 2 years ago." –That's powerful stuff right there, my friend. Keep pressing forward with that attitude as best you can. You're inspiring to me!

  • Elise N Hoffman

    January 4, 2014 at 12:40 am

    Amen. <3

  • Molly

    January 3, 2014 at 5:35 pm

    I just really, really like you. I love your words and what they mean. Praying for mercy in all its forms for you and your family, and really, for all of us.

  • Rusti

    January 3, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    praying for mercy… for you, and for me, and for all… *hugs*

  • Jen

    January 3, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    You are a wonderful woman and so so so encouraging!

  • Ashley Fletcher Gurski

    January 3, 2014 at 9:22 pm

    Oh Diana. I cried for you as I read this. But not exactly a sad, grieving cry. No, it was one of those cries that feels heavy & deep. A cry that simply stands for everything that life just IS. That feeling you get when you just be still & think about brevity yet weight of life. One of those cries that feels cathartic & cleansing & when it's over you just feel…..I don't….lighter? Like you say to yourself "Ok, this is my life. Everything it is and everything it isn't. But it's mine. Most of it I can't change, I've cried over it real good, so now I'm just gonna live it." I don't know if any of this makes sense. I've lost 4 babes myself & sometimes in the midst of anger & grief & everything else, I just feel this profound peace. The peace feels heavy but I don't feel weighed down. It's a peace that lets my heart know that somehow, even though it's broken, it's not shattered. Even though its splintered, it won't completely break & stop working. Oh friend, I pray so much mercy over you & Sam & Bella. So so much mercy. Mercy & grace & peace. That heavy peace that grounds you & simultaneously lets you soar. Never forget, even in darkness, the sweet truth of your statement: "I'd still chose this life over anyone else's." <—— That's how you know God prevails. That his blessings in your life silence the devil's lies that God has forsaken us.

  • Melissa Droegemueller

    January 3, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    Love this! Thank you for sharing your journey with us. <3

  • Janet Neal

    January 3, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    When you are ready, read the book Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb. I smiled as I read your post. You are on the right path, as so very painful a path that it is. I have four adult children and five waiting for me in heaven. They are standing beside your three, just waiting. . .

  • Rebecca

    January 3, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    Oh Diana this is so beautiful. What an awesome revelation from Him through the Psalm. Oh how we ALL need mercy. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. The good, the bad and the ugly. I love you, friend.

  • Casey

    January 3, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    Good choice.

Comments are closed.

Prev Post Next Post