Sometimes I hesitate writing anything that seems to be unthankful, unhappy, ungrateful because I will get that one (or more) comment scolding me.
And it just eats away at me.
I wish it didn’t. I certainly don’t dwell on those as much as I used to, but I wish I didn’t at all.
In my mind, I think of all the responses to change their mind. Usually it comes from someone who has read a post without any background info on us or our situation, and they rush to inform me of how off track I am. I spend time thinking of the perfect answer so they understand why I wrote what I did, and yet I know that in 99.9% of those cases it won’t matter what I tell them.
Some people just can’t handle an opinion or way of dealing with something that might be different from theirs.
Heck. Apparently I can’t either.
I am working in therapy about not having to constantly justify my feelings in this process. That feeling angry, left out, abandoned, confused, happy, sad, elated are normal feelings. It’s just that so many of us are programmed to believe happy is the only way anyone should feel. Ever. Even during loss – let’s all look for the happy/blessing/grateful part and just cling to that. Don’t tell anyone you wanted more kids, your mom to live longer, or that sometimes you long to have a few moments to yourself – you should be thankful you get anything at all.
After all. Someone has it worse. So.
Where is that in the Bible? I don’t ever remember Jesus being called happy or constantly telling people to look on the bright side. Or to be grateful for what they had. Where did we all get this idea that we have to be perpetually in a state of seeking out bliss? Yes, we’re told to focus on things that are lovely, but we’ve taken it to a level of living in a world of unrealistic views and expectations on what life should be.
So irritating. And exhausting.
We all so obsessed with constantly being in a state that only happens for brief amounts of time in our lives. Why can’t we just start to really sit and be in the other majority of feelings?
What are we all so afraid of? These comments still make me feel as if I’ve done something wrong – when I know in my heart that’s not the case.