Sam left at 2:30 this morning, waking me up with a kiss and a hug. He’s off to the field for 5-6 weeks, and one weekend he’ll be able to come home.
It’s not so much the timespan anymore of him being gone. 6 weeks is long but it’s not 18 months. He’s not in harm’s way. We’ll actually get to talk this time, unlike the last two trips when he’s had no internet/cell service at all.
What I miss the most is his presence. Right now, I kind of cling to anything that makes me happy. Which is probably why I can’t lose weight but that’s another story… I love having our evenings together, to set the table before he comes home and have dinner ready. I look forward to our weekends with each other. He’s such a good daddy, it makes our life so lovely to know he wants to be with us as much as we do him.
Bella feels is just as keenly when he’s gone. The first few days are always hardest on me as I figure out a new routine and try to keep us busy. But for her, it sinks in a few days after he leaves. She whines and melts down more. Her energy levels go through the roof without him there as the extra person to bounce off of. I can’t fill his shoes – the time he spends with her outside caring for the yard. The adventures they go on to find ants and other bugs for our toad and lizard. I can do those with her but it’s not the same.
So as we pass this first day together and start to find our routine again of just us, I try to think of things we can do that hold lasting memories. Not always, I mean, some days I just want to play on my phone while she’s curled up on the couch watching Frozen. I’ve let go of that CRAZY PINTEREST MOM standard that is so exhausting to try to be.
But we are able to do things without a timeline when he’s gone. Stay out a little later at the zoo or a playdate. Spend the weekends at the park. We connect a bit more.
And my house stays clean. That is a plus.
It’s hard to have him gone – mostly because we miss him being here as the other third (fourth if you count Charlie) of our home. I’ve known him for nearly 19 years (how is that possible?) and even 6 weeks without him is so different. He’s still my best friend.
You are loved husband. We can’t wait to have you back in our routine soon.