Building Castles of Our Own

March 26, 2015

This morning is a good one. I’m taking advantage of feeling human by studying, writing, and playing with Bella. It’s these kinds of mornings that give me a little reminder of how much my thoughts and frame of mind are affected by feeling sick all the time. It’s also a reminder that if I can hang on, I won’t feel the same forever.

Building Castles

I don’t know if anyone else does this, but when I feel sick for more than a day I start to irrationally think, “This is it. I’m going to be like this forever, nothing will ever get done, I’m always going to order fast food for us, let the house go and THIS IS THE END.”

Then I feel better and realize that’s not at all the case.

A couple of you offered up suggestions about letting school work go/taking a break for a while. I can totally understand how that looks like the best option when you’re reading how miserable I am!  Two things about that though:

The first is that I simply can’t. I’m smack in the middle of a term, I have weekly deadlines that are strictly enforced, and letting school go means that I fail out of all of them right now. I’m using some student loans so that would really affect my ability to re-enroll.

Second – I love school! Yes, right now it’s a lot and really stressful. There are days I wonder if I’m going to lose my mind. Then I wonder if God perhaps wants me to since everything happened at once and BAM pregnancy. But I know that my sickness isn’t forever, and in the midst of feeling like crap, school gives me that reminder that I am doing something. I may not be able to cook or clean much, and have to lay down a lot, but I can study and write and ace all my classes (and I am) and that gives me a little boost at the end of each week. I’m doing this for me, and with all that’s happened – working on becoming a therapist and finishing my education is really important to me. I’ve stopped twice already in the past for various reasons, and this time I’m determined to keep going.

On that note, I’ve got quite a bit to get finished before Bella’s soccer game tonight. She’s sitting here next to me making a castle out of blocks – for her dinosaurs to live in obviously. No beds because according to her, no one really lived in a castle. They were just for visiting – even as royalty. Then you went to your real house after.

Oh 5. I love so many things about this age.



  • Angie

    March 28, 2015 at 9:56 am

    I can totally relate to your experience with juggling school and all the responsibilities with family and daily life. I also went through my master’s program to become a therapist with a mostly online program so I certainly understand the demands of weekly posts and endless reading and writing. I remember wanting to throw in the towel several times but sought out God and support from my husband which helped me see it through and boy am I glad I did! I just received my license and am working in my career counseling those with eating disorders. Hang in there, Diana! It will all be worth it as you are following the calling of God. He has prepared you for this role as a grief counselor and you will help so many (and already are)! I am a new reader and have been drawn to reading your story as my husband and I experienced the loss of my first pregnancy in January of this year and it has been oh so hard. I believe God led me to your blog. Thank you for your strength, it has been so comforting to me. God Bless

    1. Angie

      March 28, 2015 at 9:58 am

      And I just voted for you for the Stitch Fix contest 🙂

  • createdfamily

    March 27, 2015 at 11:06 pm

    Good for you mama! You’re doing SO much right now. I’m a perinatal social worker in large part because of my own experiences with infertility and loss. Every day I go to work in the NICU I count my lucky stars for being where I’m at in life right now.

  • Sarah Santiago

    March 27, 2015 at 5:51 am

    I'm doing the school thing too (but for a BA in HR Management) after quitting twice in the past. I'm not pregnant at the moment though I do have a 2 year old. It's tough! Keep going, it will be worth it in the end. At least that's what I tell myself when I'm overwhelmed or do something insane like take 6 classes in 1 semester. Lol

  • Nikki Moody

    March 26, 2015 at 10:05 pm


  • Sarah

    March 26, 2015 at 12:18 pm

    Yes! I’m 10 weeks and feeling AWFUL. Right now it definitely feels like I will be this sick forever. In reality, I know it’s probably only a few more weeks (months at the most) until I’ll be back to normal. But ugh. When you feel sick, you’re so stuck. Huge kudos to you for doing school and work and things! It’s all I can do to get laundry done and feed the little humans. Haha!

  • Karri

    March 26, 2015 at 11:44 am

    I must have missed the pregnancy post. Congratulations! I’m sure you are hesitant in all things pregnancy and I pray with fervent hope that this is your take home baby. Players for health and wellness during your pregnancy, too.

  • Leah

    March 26, 2015 at 11:23 am

    Keep going, girl! Pregnancy can be long and hard under the best of circumstances. Distractions are good. We’re cheering you on!

  • lauren

    March 26, 2015 at 11:20 am

    I know exactly what you mean about worrying you are going to feel that way forever. It is so hard when being sick lasts more than a day – by 14 weeks with my last pregnancy I was convinced I would be unable to eat anything ever again. And then of course I felt better.

    Good luck with school!

  • Molly

    March 26, 2015 at 11:07 am

    I say keep going. I think school gives you something else to focus on and keep your mind busy. Yes, it’s stressful but you know what? School is stressful no matter when you choose to finish! Good luck on finishing out the term.

Comments are closed.

Prev Post Next Post