Well, I had one of my prayers answered as a yes. Lol. 37.5 weeks today and no sign of baby anytime soon. Lots of contractions but as of a check on Wednesday she’s pretty locked in there.
Everyone is welcome for that bit of TMI.
Wednesday I ended up in triage again for high blood pressure. It’s just the stress of those Dr. appointments that sends it through the roof, as soon as I am gone I’m fine. What should be an hour and a half check in triage takes 6+ because they are just so crazy busy and packed. It makes this even more stressful, one woman who had been there 8 hours was in active labor next to me and they had no labor rooms to put her in. This hospital is huge soooo O_o
On my end, I feel a bit torn between the slight thrill of, “I’ve made it nearly 38 weeks! Longer than any other pregnancy and this is my FOURTH.”
I feel totally over it. Let me be clear – I understand that 40 weeks is optimal and I am incredibly thankful we made it this far and won’t have a preterm baby again. I know from Bella and the twins how dangerous and terrifying that is. Every week is a miracle.
That being said – having mentally prepared myself for a preterm baby and all that comes with that for months on end, it’s hard to keep going and not let the anxiety eat me up. Because I could do the physical pain (hips, back, STILL BARFING) for a few more weeks and whatever. I’ve done it 8+ months, what’s a little longer? But that combined with the stress and worry just kills me. I can’t physically “do” a whole lot so that means I spend a lot of time resting and thinking…
You see where I’m going here.
We found out a few days ago that the ciHHV-6 virus also was the probable cause of me losing Preston and Julian. My body responded to it as an active virus, and, since there is no test to run or real signs for it, decided to end my pregnancy. They, however, were perfect.
That makes my heart hurt so much. I just sat in my room and cried for a while, thinking of them and the few hours I had holding them. It’s a horrible thing to realize your body is capable of taking your children’s lives, and that also fuels the, “Let’s just have her now” thoughts. Get her out before it’s too late.
I’ve been offered a c-section (because my doctors know how badly my hips hurt) and being induced again like with Kaden, but I’ve asked if possible to just be left alone and go into labor myself to avoid any drug interactions with this. Of course, an emergency trumps the unknowns on my end, but if there isn’t one I’d like to just have her when she’s ready.
Which would be awesome if it was today.
On a slightly different note, when I think of wanting her to be here, I think of the announcer on the Price is Right screaming into my stomach, “Charlotte Stone, C’MON DOWN!”
I have a feeling Bella secretly thinks I’m just going to be pregnant forever at this point. 😉
I’ve had a few people ask where I’ll update on things as they move along. I think the easiest way for me to do this without making everyone check five social media sites is first when we know things are happening (after notifying friends and family) I’ll post on my own personal FB page, then Instagram and have it set to update my FB blog page and Twitter at the same time. I would really, really love to do a blog post once she’s here, but I’ve had trouble with the app for WordPress before, and am not taking my computer to the hospital, so it may just be social media until we get home.
If anything crazy happens, I’m going to have one of my friends update my pages.
Anyway, not trying to sound like you’re all just dying to stalk me 😉 but I follow people on social media and get excited for babies, and I often find myself wondering where to look as the day gets closer. And I know a lot of you were really invested in Kaden’s journey so I hope this brings the joy we’re all waiting for.
Literally any day now. Right? I promised Bella no one can be pregnant forever.
We might want to tell Charlie that too.