I’ve gone back and forth on making any New Year’s resolutions because let’s be honest – by March (if not end of January) I’ve forgotten them all and by this coming December I won’t even know what I resolved to do 12 months ago. However, there is something fun about everyone starting new and fresh. It’s the same feeling as getting that brand new planner in the mail, picking out the right pens, promising that each month will be organized and written it.
And again, by March the pages are stuck together with coffee spills and my pens are being used by Bella. 😉
So here’s what I hope to do this year:
- Write my book. My sweet literary agent Jessie is abundantly patient with me on this, and has told me several times that God will prompt my heart when it’s time. I am feeling that tug more and more.
- Have my heart live in the moment. Which I have to say, I’ve really done that since having Charlotte. I find myself just sitting with her, Bella, and Sam on the couch and talking to them while holding her, soaking in our little family, hanging around the house in no hurry to go and do anything at all.
- Start to point my writing and experience to raising awareness and opening discussion on maternal health. Not only did Zimbabwe and World Vision change my perspective on this, but so did both my traumatic and wonderful birth experiences. There was something about having Charlotte and her birth being so healing that really caused me to think about women here and overseas that are dealing with traumatic births – whether they bring home a child or not. My heart has been very much touched to take what I have felt so deeply and do something with it. I’ve even started thinking about focusing my goal on being a grief/trauma therapist as centered around birth trauma.
- Find my writing voice again. For the past 3 1/2 years, my writing has been centered around loss, pregnancy ups and downs, grief, healing, and trauma. It’s not that this is all gone because of Charlotte, I am simply unsure how to tie it in. I know how many of you read and love seeing us happy – it warms my heart. I can honestly say that having Charlotte has healed a part of me in motherhood I thought might never heal. BUT. It doesn’t change what happened. It doesn’t change that my three little boys are still gone. That I still held them as they died, that I was still there for all that horror, and that I still need to talk about them. Like I said many times on here, having Charlotte come home was wonderful because we didn’t have to grieve her too – because we are able to see her grow and do the things we hoped to do with her brothers. But her living doesn’t null their lives and the impact on ours.
I’m not making any weight goals (I’m sitting at Starbucks eating a brownie as I write this) but Sam and I have made a decision to get out more – exercise and traveling together as a family.
I am looking forward to 2016 and know we can face anything that it gives us. We have so much happening in the next few weeks already – my sister and niece (12 weeks older than Charlotte!) are coming to visit, I’m taking the girls to Arizona on a road trip to see my friend Nicole (MommyMoxie online), my brother and sister in law are driving down to see us, we are –
ready for this?
setting up a nursery for Charlotte
Hope all of you have had a good start to the new year!