Changes

February 4, 2016

There’s been something I’ve thought about sharing on here for a while. But I never felt like it was the right time.

I may make this short and write more details later, not sure.

Our whole life is about to change. Really, over the past year and a half it has been. And this time it’s with Sam and not me.

Charlotte - First Days

Something hard, really not wonderful things happened in the summer of 2014. Right around the first anniversary of Kaden’s death. These events started the ball rolling on Sam being diagnosed with severe PTSD that he hadn’t ever dealt with. Some from the boys, most from his time in Iraq in 2005 when he saw and did unimaginable things.

Sam with Kaden

The past nearly 18 months we’ve been dealing with the aftermath of all these things. What it’s resulted in is massive amounts of (more) therapy – his, mine, ours. You might be able to imagine that even 10 years later, talking about traumatic events that you’ve suppressed can tip you over for a good amount of time.

With this all going on, plus a host of medical issues he was pushing through to be a good soldier, it resulted in him being very broken and needing a lot of help.

So the professionals in the mind, military, and medical fields suggested he start to work on a medical retirement.

There are still several big things up in the air, but we are looking at him being retired in the next several months. Which means, because he is considered disabled at this point by both the military and our government, he will be home with me. He could eventually go back to work part-time, go to school to get his Master’s degree – but probably for a while he will be a stay at home dad.

While I have always told anyone who said their husband worked/stayed at home that I would lose my mind (famous last words) I find us falling into a good routine. He’s home a lot now in between medical appointments as we wait for his end date. I won’t lie – this hasn’t been easy. It’s been a HUGE adjustment to go from him working 12 hour days for most of our marriage (plus deployments) to at home. 24-7.

And as you can imagine, two strong personalities with all the stress we have can end in anger and tears. There has been that. There has also been a lot of healing and finding our footing as a couple that, even after 13 years of marriage and 20 years as friends, we never had the chance to do.

Our biggest worry is financial. We don’t know what he will get to retire on – and it could be less than he makes now. Which means we’ll have to figure out what to do at that point.

Which is why I wanted to launch the Tangerines & Thyme site and business. I make money from Young Living every month now, and yet have put very little effort into that part of it. I know that as much as both Sam and I love and use oils, we could supplement our income a bit more with effort on my part. And maybe it won’t take off – but I had to follow my heart on this one. I’m also writing my book in hopes it’ll get picked up. Writing here which gives us some in ad revenue.

In this new season, I ask for your prayers and love. It hasn’t been an easy time. We had a lot of stress while I was pregnant and everything was a loose end for this all. Things are starting to wrap up now, Charlotte and Sam’s journey to begin healing were the very best things to come out of this.

Pray we find our purpose as a couple, as a family. That I am able to be the Godly wife my husband needs, the Godly mother my children need. That my fear about finances won’t become a rift instead of a gentle nudge to use my passions and gifts. That I see this as a gift of God for us – and not a burden. Pray for Sam and his healing – physically and mentally. Also pray as he leaves a very structured life behind that he truly enjoyed and thought he would retire many years down the road from.

2014-07-06 22.02.10-2

It feels good to write about this. Now you’ll know when you see him at home during the day on my Instagram photos or Facebook why he’s there and maybe it’ll remind you to say a quick prayer for us that day.

Life isn’t ever dull around here is it? 😉

11 Comments

  • I’m Here! | Diana Wrote

    July 10, 2016 at 9:24 pm

    […] house we planned on moving into two months ago fell through. We were waiting on disability ratings for Sam from the military, and they just didn’t get done in time. It was so, so incredibly disappointing to have the […]

  • Patty

    March 16, 2016 at 1:59 pm

    Hopefully he can find a low stress job and doesn’t stay home on disability/retirement at such a young age. Especially if you guys are trying to buy a house.

    1. Diana

      March 16, 2016 at 2:22 pm

      We’re actually more qualified now with him being a DA then we were before, along with a better income. It puts us in a great place to buy. So we’re both excited about the possibility of him being the stay at home parent while I work. 🙂

  • {Putting Down} Roots | Diana Wrote

    March 16, 2016 at 12:57 pm

    […] I never, ever (EVER) thought we would be here this long. In fact, and those of you who have read me a while we remember, I didn’t think I’d make it the two years we were projected to be here before we moved. And yet here we are. Five years later and probably not going anywhere soon. […]

  • Skye Piel

    February 5, 2016 at 12:28 am

    Your family is in my prayers during this time. I remember feeling the same fears and excitement when my husband was being medically retired. I didn't know how we would make ends meet, but I put all my faith in God. It all has worked out. He's been retired for a year and we have a rhythm that works for us. I can only pray for the same for your family. Make sure to give yourselves some grace, you don't have to have all the answers at once. There is a terrific support group on facebook called Hearts of Valor, they are a organization through Operation Homefront. I suggest you look into it, it may be of some comfort to you during this time.

  • Tiffany Wheeler

    February 5, 2016 at 12:16 am

    Oh Diana!! I have followed your story for so long and you guys have endured so much! But let me tell you that this will be such a blessing!! My husband just got medically separated from the Army after 8 years in and we were terrified! You have no idea where things will land until the very end and being the planner that I am-it was torture. If you have any questions or need support you can feel free to email me. Having people who had recently gone through this process was a god send for us. Just know that in the end we are more comfortable both emotionally and financially than we ever were back on the Army. I'm sure the same will be true for you and your sweet family!!

    1. Diana

      March 16, 2016 at 2:36 pm

      Thanks so much for this. It’s a real transition to go through and we’ve been in a holding pattern for so long. Hopefully the end of this is near and he can get out soon so we can finalize a lot of stuff.

  • Barbara Markey

    February 5, 2016 at 12:09 am

    Praying for you all as you find a new "normal" for your family. God has a plan for you!
    "God is my strength and power, And He makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of deer, And sets me on my high places." (II Sam 22:33, 34)

  • Nicole Tallmadge Bambalere

    February 4, 2016 at 11:13 pm

    So proud of you all friend. These past few years have been so hard but wonderful things are ahead and I'm honored to get to share the ride with you. ❤️❤️

  • Joan Eilts Bost

    February 4, 2016 at 11:07 pm

    Being considered disabled will he be eligible for VA disability along with his retirement? I know my husband receives both and financially it has worked for us well. It is something I would look into. When he outprocesses and see a VA rep make sure he claims anything that has happened in the military that works against him now and maybe in the future also. Good luck to you both and will keep you in my prayers. Most important thing is for him to heal!

  • Jill Nelson

    February 4, 2016 at 11:03 pm

    As the sister of a former soldier with sever ptsd, I will definitely be praying for you. Thank you for sharing this part of your story.

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