There’s been something I’ve thought about sharing on here for a while. But I never felt like it was the right time.
I may make this short and write more details later, not sure.
Our whole life is about to change. Really, over the past year and a half it has been. And this time it’s with Sam and not me.
Something hard, really not wonderful things happened in the summer of 2014. Right around the first anniversary of Kaden’s death. These events started the ball rolling on Sam being diagnosed with severe PTSD that he hadn’t ever dealt with. Some from the boys, most from his time in Iraq in 2005 when he saw and did unimaginable things.
The past nearly 18 months we’ve been dealing with the aftermath of all these things. What it’s resulted in is massive amounts of (more) therapy – his, mine, ours. You might be able to imagine that even 10 years later, talking about traumatic events that you’ve suppressed can tip you over for a good amount of time.
With this all going on, plus a host of medical issues he was pushing through to be a good soldier, it resulted in him being very broken and needing a lot of help.
So the professionals in the mind, military, and medical fields suggested he start to work on a medical retirement.
There are still several big things up in the air, but we are looking at him being retired in the next several months. Which means, because he is considered disabled at this point by both the military and our government, he will be home with me. He could eventually go back to work part-time, go to school to get his Master’s degree – but probably for a while he will be a stay at home dad.
While I have always told anyone who said their husband worked/stayed at home that I would lose my mind (famous last words) I find us falling into a good routine. He’s home a lot now in between medical appointments as we wait for his end date. I won’t lie – this hasn’t been easy. It’s been a HUGE adjustment to go from him working 12 hour days for most of our marriage (plus deployments) to at home. 24-7.
And as you can imagine, two strong personalities with all the stress we have can end in anger and tears. There has been that. There has also been a lot of healing and finding our footing as a couple that, even after 13 years of marriage and 20 years as friends, we never had the chance to do.
Our biggest worry is financial. We don’t know what he will get to retire on – and it could be less than he makes now. Which means we’ll have to figure out what to do at that point.
Which is why I wanted to launch the Tangerines & Thyme site and business. I make money from Young Living every month now, and yet have put very little effort into that part of it. I know that as much as both Sam and I love and use oils, we could supplement our income a bit more with effort on my part. And maybe it won’t take off – but I had to follow my heart on this one. I’m also writing my book in hopes it’ll get picked up. Writing here which gives us some in ad revenue.
In this new season, I ask for your prayers and love. It hasn’t been an easy time. We had a lot of stress while I was pregnant and everything was a loose end for this all. Things are starting to wrap up now, Charlotte and Sam’s journey to begin healing were the very best things to come out of this.
Pray we find our purpose as a couple, as a family. That I am able to be the Godly wife my husband needs, the Godly mother my children need. That my fear about finances won’t become a rift instead of a gentle nudge to use my passions and gifts. That I see this as a gift of God for us – and not a burden. Pray for Sam and his healing – physically and mentally. Also pray as he leaves a very structured life behind that he truly enjoyed and thought he would retire many years down the road from.
It feels good to write about this. Now you’ll know when you see him at home during the day on my Instagram photos or Facebook why he’s there and maybe it’ll remind you to say a quick prayer for us that day.
Life isn’t ever dull around here is it? 😉