Direction

September 4, 2016

Weekends are usually pretty quiet for us. I try to guard our time on these days since our weekdays can get busy with appointments, my school work and deadlines, and next week starts soccer for Bella. These two (although this week it’s three) days are time to be together. We grill, cook, clean, do laundry, hang out in the backyard, and watch movies at night.

Right now Charlotte is napping, Bella is drawing next to me, and Sam is at AA.

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I’d love to tell you guys we went to church this morning and that we go regularly, but we don’t forΒ now. There is a part of me that still struggles with all that since Kaden. We’ve gone here and there but most of my time with God is alone, and then through my Bible courses at Liberty. I am careful just how much alone time I spend with God without any of my information coming from a Godly source, because I realize how easy it can be to create a god who agrees with everything you think and do, and all the verses in the Bible suddenly do the same.

It’s very easy to fall into that.

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This is Atlas, our newest kitty. He’s a mess. A fun mess though.

I’m really going to try to make this into a life blog again. I meant what I said in my last post – there has been a part of me that has been completely unable to write much of anything for almost a year now. All these thoughts and worries run through my head when I don’t, and writing frees them a little more.

Also? I miss this. I used to have so many blogger friends, people who just wrote about anything and everything. I can think of one – one! – who still does occasionally write about their life. I miss reading those blogs. It’s not a bad thing, but most of them seem to be lifestyle or style or food or all sponsored. I know writing life won’t pay the bills, but I do miss that connection of reading other’s journeys through life without so much other stuff.

I know how tempting it is to start to filter or change direction when people tear apart what you’ve decided to be honest about.

There’s part of me that felt for a while that I owed you guys something more. Like – we’ve come through all of this and everyone read it and now it’s still – life. Still dealing with stuff, ups and downs, I didn’t start a nonprofit or do anything world-changing. I felt a little guilty that it’s the same pics from my phone, that I didn’t lose any of the baby weight so I can explain how to do that in 5 easy steps, that our life just continued on. Sometimes I felt that I should be creating a different one – full of beautifully edited pictures and exciting memories and my children wore headbands with feathers and the sun bursts were on their handcrafted clothes in every picture.

Yet here we are. And that’s not it. And it seems in many ways that’s where so many others have gone and truly succeeded. Maybe that is their life – please understand I’m not knocking it. I just can’t seem to achieve it and something in me snapped when I read that nasty comment. Suddenly I became incredibly protective of what I do have, what we’ve worked so hard for in all it’s imperfections. It’s mine.

So I’ll stay and continue to write. I may change around the blog a little in the next few months (we are getting pics done in October so *sunflares* *headbands* *long skirts* *fields* πŸ˜‰ ) and I’m excited to have some of those on here.

Here’s what I’m going to do! I just thought of this. If *you* have a life blog and you’d like to share it, please leave it in the comments! I would love to read and follow it.

Thank you for being here to read mine.

35 Comments

  • Dana

    September 6, 2016 at 4:10 pm

    I don’t have a blog, but I will say that I thoroughly enjoy reading the beautiful words from Lisa Jo Baker. Her blog can be found at lisajobaker.com.

    I really do hope you stick around and write often! I love your blog!

  • mkwilburn66

    September 6, 2016 at 11:51 am

    i am glad to see you back and writing. I know I have let my blog die down mainly because I am unsure of my husband’s health and sometimes it feels wrong to celebrate, like I am tempting fate. I don’t know, but I’ve decided to push forward and start writing again. Thanks for inspiration. https://fabulous50mk.wordpress.com/

  • jordanmtaylor

    September 6, 2016 at 9:48 am

    I found you many moons ago via She Reads Truth but rarely comment. I love reading about your life with your girls + Sam!

    I write from time to time over here: jordanmtaylor.wordpress.com <3

  • Meegs

    September 6, 2016 at 12:44 am

    I’m so glad you’re going to be writing more. I love your voice, even if its just the “boring” stuff. πŸ˜‰

    I write over at http://www.meegs1982.com/

  • Lisa

    September 5, 2016 at 7:14 pm

    I am happy that you share your ups and downs and in betweens with us. It shows you are human and just the way God made you to be! If I had a blog, I’d share it with you, but I’m still on the fence about having something outside of a paper and pencil journal. The physical act of writing is what liberates and frees my mind. I know, I’m strange.

  • Jenn

    September 5, 2016 at 6:23 am

    Glad to read your words again!
    We are at http://caseyandjenn.com

    1. Diana

      September 5, 2016 at 10:23 am

      I really love this post of yours: First, Most, Forever, More – it’s beautiful

  • Caitlin Spearson

    September 4, 2016 at 8:42 pm

    I love reading lifestyle blogs too, but I also have trouble at times being completely honest. Trying though! Love reading yours though ☺
    http://www.MeetTheSpearsons.com

    1. Diana

      September 5, 2016 at 10:20 am

      I clicked over and was reading through yours last night – but just saw today is your anniversary! CONGRATS!! πŸ™‚ <3

  • Melissa Groven

    September 4, 2016 at 8:29 pm

    Diana, I love that you do you…including your blog. So, keep on girl. Oh and I don’t have a blog, but here’s one that you might like. They keep it real, and I love it because it’s them doing them and not being like everyone else. (They’re a good follow on IG too). http://www.hellotherefriend.com

    1. Diana

      September 5, 2016 at 10:19 am

      Thank you and I will check them out both places!

  • Sue Rizzo

    September 4, 2016 at 3:50 pm

    I’m not real clear what a “life blog” is, and I’m not sure if this one is that, but here’s where my daughter, Tricia, writes about their life! I think we decided she was behind you at BVHS.
    http://www.bittybitsblog.com
    I enjoy her recipes a LOT, and seeing my grand babies is a bonus!

    I thoroughly enjoy your posts every time I read one. You are a gifted writer, and your transparency is inspiring!
    Hugs to you all — Sue

    1. Diana

      September 5, 2016 at 10:16 am

      Her blog is so cute! Thank you for sharing it. The potato soup she makes looks so good but what really caught my eye was that amazing Peter Pan cake. That was incredible! It’s fun to follow someone from BV πŸ™‚ Hope you are doing well Sue and thank you for always reading <3

  • Ana

    September 4, 2016 at 1:33 pm

    Thank you for sharing your life with us–you were the first blog I ever read years ago and I’ve always appreciated your letting your readers into your life. I’ve missed seeing your posts often so I really hope you’ll continue. I feel like you’ve always been genuine through all of your struggles and just life in general. <3

    1. Diana

      September 5, 2016 at 10:12 am

      Thank you for this. There is a special place in my heart for my first blogs so it’s really special to hear mine is a first for someone too. I’m going to try a lot harder to keep this one up.

  • Kami

    September 4, 2016 at 12:25 pm

    I still keep a lifestyle blog!! I do sponsored posts, as well, but, I love to share what’s going on with our family!! http://www.themommadiaries.com/p/home.html

    1. Diana

      September 5, 2016 at 10:06 am

      Nothing wrong with some sponsored posts! I love that we are able to make money (a little or a lot) from this since the at home workforce is sadly lacking right now. I don’t read ones that are all sponsored but that’s just because I tend to fall down into needing it all and then somehow finding myself with no money of my own lol.

    2. Diana

      September 5, 2016 at 10:08 am

      Also Bob the Train is the devil ? My sister flew out with her little one and the kids all watched it and I was like – what in the world is this

  • seejenntri

    September 4, 2016 at 12:05 pm

    I LOVE that you write about your real life..I do that as well..although my poor blog has been a little neglected but it is still there and I have new motivation to rev it up more consistently πŸ™‚ So great that you are posting this and I never stopped reading you because I love to read about real life πŸ™‚ so here is mine: http://www.seejenntri.com

    Can’t wait to see and read the changes that are coming…like Dory we just need to keep writing!

    1. Diana

      September 5, 2016 at 10:03 am

      First – every time I see your name pop up I get a happy feeling. You leave the nicest comments. Second, I was reading your blog and cracked up about your mom not knowing much about computers but understanding Amazon. πŸ˜‰ I feel like that’s really all you need to know and you’re pretty set. We just had a package delivered from them about 10 minutes ago…

  • Kristin @ In Between the Piles

    September 4, 2016 at 11:48 am

    Yay! It’s so fun to have your posts coming into my inbox more regularly! You know my blog about life…which has been sadly neglected. I write to free my thoughts because, like you mentioned, it helps me to feel so much lighter and brighter. Lately I’ve been journaling more than blogging. In case someone else might be interested in my posts: inbetweenthepiles.blogspot.com. Seriously is wonderful to be reading about your life – beautiful/messy/sunshiny/dirty diapery ALL of it. ??

    1. Diana

      September 5, 2016 at 9:55 am

      GAH I just realized I owe you an email! I’m so sorry! In the meantime, I read yours and I love your IG updates of course. πŸ™‚

  • Mary Lichlyter

    September 4, 2016 at 11:37 am

    Don’t think you have to do something spectacular in order to be significant. I hope you’re writing regularly even if you don’t publish. And once your brain has totally spit out the ugly-wugglies (that critic sounded as if there was a mental problem there, and many of those abound), maybe it will be feeling “real life” again. God is taking care of you even if you’re keeping your distance. How many of us do that at one time or another? I’d answer that for you: LOTS! (No, I don’t have a “life blog” or any other kind. I’m simply not called to.) Keep on keeping on.

    1. Diana

      September 5, 2016 at 9:54 am

      You are so right – I should be writing somewhere. I wish I was, it feels like unless it’s on this space I get stuck. However, in therapy I’ve been writing some (mostly the trauma stuff so I can process there). It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who gives some space between themselves and God. I have seen how much a different approach helps too – being in school and having to study the Bible has brought a very new perspective that has tied in with the past 4 years so often.

  • Stef

    September 4, 2016 at 11:31 am

    Thank you so much for just being you – reading about your life when mine is in the same messy state, it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one πŸ™‚
    I’d love to share my blog with you but I’m afraid you might have trouble reading it, since it’s in Dutch πŸ˜‰

    1. Diana

      September 5, 2016 at 9:52 am

      Oh how fun! My mom speaks Dutch (I know like one word) but I love stumbling on blogs that are from different countries. Thank you for your kind words <3

  • Jennifer @ WrittenByJennifer.com

    September 4, 2016 at 11:23 am

    I miss the “real life” blogs too. I hope you’re able to come back to this space. I always enjoy reading what you write, no matter the topic but hearing about your ins and outs will definitely be enjoyable.

    1. Diana

      September 5, 2016 at 9:49 am

      I get your updates by email πŸ™‚ and every time you post I think, “I need to go write on mine…”

  • Julia

    September 4, 2016 at 11:15 am

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful, real, messy, incredible life with us. Thank you. ❀❀❀

    1. Caroline

      September 4, 2016 at 4:47 pm

      I agree. I’ve always loved reading your words, Diana. And, I’m really thankful that you are writing more often again. Mine is http://iseeyoulookingatme.wordprress.com But, I haven’t written in a LONG time. Maybe I’ll get back to it.

      1. Diana

        September 5, 2016 at 9:48 am

        Caroline – your girls are adorable.

  • Diana

    September 4, 2016 at 11:04 am

    That name sounds really familiar – I’m clicking through now. I understand the community thing, I’ve been parts of some online where I was like, “Nopenopenope” lol and a few that have stayed through all of this. It’s wonderful when you find that.

  • Ms. Future PharmD

    September 4, 2016 at 11:00 am

    I have complex feelings about writing life, but it’s what happens and that’s important. My blog is pretty blah these days with one thing and another. Do you know Mel at Stirrup Queens? She’s great and has all kinds of real-life blog followers and a bit of her own life too. Even if it’s a shifty community, the PAIL community is a lovely one (parenting through adoption, infertility, and loss). http://www.stirrup-queens.com

  • Hillary

    September 4, 2016 at 10:54 am

    I’m happy you’re not letting the nasty comment change how you write. I love life blogs πŸ™‚ Mine is http://www.hillarywith2Ls.com

    1. Diana

      September 4, 2016 at 11:03 am

      I am over reading now and that blueberry pie looks AMAZING. We have so many frozen blueberries from our co-op that would be perfect for that!

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