Weekends are usually pretty quiet for us. I try to guard our time on these days since our weekdays can get busy with appointments, my school work and deadlines, and next week starts soccer for Bella. These two (although this week it’s three) days are time to be together. We grill, cook, clean, do laundry, hang out in the backyard, and watch movies at night.
Right now Charlotte is napping, Bella is drawing next to me, and Sam is at AA.
I’d love to tell you guys we went to church this morning and that we go regularly, but we don’t for now. There is a part of me that still struggles with all that since Kaden. We’ve gone here and there but most of my time with God is alone, and then through my Bible courses at Liberty. I am careful just how much alone time I spend with God without any of my information coming from a Godly source, because I realize how easy it can be to create a god who agrees with everything you think and do, and all the verses in the Bible suddenly do the same.
It’s very easy to fall into that.
I’m really going to try to make this into a life blog again. I meant what I said in my last post – there has been a part of me that has been completely unable to write much of anything for almost a year now. All these thoughts and worries run through my head when I don’t, and writing frees them a little more.
Also? I miss this. I used to have so many blogger friends, people who just wrote about anything and everything. I can think of one – one! – who still does occasionally write about their life. I miss reading those blogs. It’s not a bad thing, but most of them seem to be lifestyle or style or food or all sponsored. I know writing life won’t pay the bills, but I do miss that connection of reading other’s journeys through life without so much other stuff.
I know how tempting it is to start to filter or change direction when people tear apart what you’ve decided to be honest about.
There’s part of me that felt for a while that I owed you guys something more. Like – we’ve come through all of this and everyone read it and now it’s still – life. Still dealing with stuff, ups and downs, I didn’t start a nonprofit or do anything world-changing. I felt a little guilty that it’s the same pics from my phone, that I didn’t lose any of the baby weight so I can explain how to do that in 5 easy steps, that our life just continued on. Sometimes I felt that I should be creating a different one – full of beautifully edited pictures and exciting memories and my children wore headbands with feathers and the sun bursts were on their handcrafted clothes in every picture.
Yet here we are. And that’s not it. And it seems in many ways that’s where so many others have gone and truly succeeded. Maybe that is their life – please understand I’m not knocking it. I just can’t seem to achieve it and something in me snapped when I read that nasty comment. Suddenly I became incredibly protective of what I do have, what we’ve worked so hard for in all it’s imperfections. It’s mine.
So I’ll stay and continue to write. I may change around the blog a little in the next few months (we are getting pics done in October so *sunflares* *headbands* *long skirts* *fields* 😉 ) and I’m excited to have some of those on here.
Here’s what I’m going to do! I just thought of this. If *you* have a life blog and you’d like to share it, please leave it in the comments! I would love to read and follow it.
Thank you for being here to read mine.