It’s Probably The Devil

Some time ago, I wrote about feeling like Satan had a grip on my life in a way I couldn’t shake. I also remember the comment of someone snarkily poking fun that I believed in that (pretty sure I deleted them).

You know how I can be a people pleaser, and I’m just so sad to disappoint whoever it was by telling them I still believe in some of that.

I need a sarcasm font on WordPress.

It seems like each time I push forward in life to what I feel I’m called to do, something major happens—sickness, something with Sam, accidents, life imploding, etc. And yes, some of this is just part of life. But even Sam is like, “How is it possible that every time you start up something, we have a major incident happen?”

I don’t know; maybe Satan just likes me best. 🤷🏻‍♀️

On top of teaching 1st and 2nd at a new school, I started two graduate courses this semester; Group Counseling and Psychopathology. Also – I’m now the proud owner of a DSM-5. It’s a lot, but I’ve taken time off of my schooling since last spring to focus on teaching, and it was either go back this term or be dropped from the program and have to reapply.

As soon as school started, Char got deathly sick with Bronchitis, RSV, and an ear infection. She slept in our bed for four nights, and when I say slept, I mean she tossed back and forth like a coughing, barfing, out-of-water fish with 103* temp. It was awful, and between my worry for her, the sleeplessness, school, and starting my courses, I was about a 12 out of 10 on the anxiety scale.

She’s thankfully on the mend now, but it’s just been one thing after another this week.

I’ve learned over the years that two things will happen during these times: I will completely freak out inside that I won’t get things done, and then I will either get them done or find a way to get them done later.

And yet, every time, the anxiety of it all just piles up until I’m wide awake at 3 am wondering how to get it all done.

You’d think after so.much.therapy (you guys, I am still in therapy, so don’t let anyone tell you there’s a time limit on healing) and also the education in therapy – some of this would be gone.

But it’s not, so I have to deal with it differently than in the past.

For a while, I tried the whole, “You’ve been through so many tough situations, Diana. You watched your babies di; this is nothing compared to that.” But that means I’m downplaying my current stress with former life events.

Stress is stress. Tough is tough. I don’t have to compete with anyone, including my past self.

So this morning, like most weekends lately, if I can slip away while everyone is still asleep, I come downstairs, clean up a bit around the rooms, make a super hot cup of coffee, let Charlie out, and then on the couch to snuggle, and I try to get a few things done for work and school.

And about 2/5 times, this scenario actually happens, lol.

But today, it did. So I take a deep breath, procrastinate a bit by writing on here 😉 and then dive into reading and writing.

P.S. One day, when I’m feeling super brave and have time to argue online (so maybe never), I’ll have to write a post on what I believe about heaven and hell after all of these years.

And then I’ll really have some comments to moderate. 😈