• Death Becomes Her

    April 9, 2018

    Last week I sat on my therapist’s couch, trying to explain how I felt lately. “It’s almost as if,” I paused thinking of how to word it. How did I feel? I raised my hands up to my throat without even knowing it. “As if I’m suffocating. It feels like death is everywhere I look,…

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  • On Having Another

    August 9, 2017

    I’m folding laundry as Sam flips through his phone. It’s late and quiet, and we’re both lost in thought. I reach forward to grab another round of shirts and glance at him. “Where are you at on wanting another baby?” I ask it abruptly, because there doesn’t seem to be another way to go about…

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  • 5 Years¬†

    May 3, 2017

    I can’t believe they’d be five this year.  Kindergarten. Would I have homeschooled them? Watched them ride the bus to school? Bought two of everything they would need – and would they have wanted to match?  They’d be learning how to ride a bike. Tie shoes. Use their inside voices. Driving Bella crazy.  I often…

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  • Kaden, ciHHV-6, and the Journal of Heart and Lung Transplantation

    January 17, 2017

    For the last 3 years, I’ve worked with the HHV-6 Foundation, Kaden’s cardiologist, and doctors in Germany and India to figure out why ciHHV-6 caused Kaden’s heart to develop with cardiomyopathy. They took samples from me, Bella, the twins’ umbilical cords saved by the hospital, and Kaden’s organs from his autopsy. They went through hundreds of…

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