A baby? Maybe.

July 8, 2010

That is the question that seems to be on everyone’s minds these days. Now that we’ve had one, when’s the next one rollin’ out? Some seem to have forgotten how very sick I was my entire pregnancy – to the point I had to quit my job and ended up on bedrest for 5 weeks.

How I still haven’t lost all the baby weight.

How Bella barfed 120+ times a day all day for 6 full months.

How I didn’t sleep more than 2 hours at a time for 5 months after she was born.

How there were nights when I thought, “What have I done?” as she screamed for hours while we rocked/soothed/shhhed her till we both thought we would die from exhaustion.

And yet…

Now Sam and I stumble on pictures and we coo and swoon over how tiny she was, how much we miss snuggling with her as she slept (and didn’t stick her finger up my nose/pull my hair/scream to hear her own voice). We come across tiny onesies that make us remember when she hardly fit into something that said “Newborn” on it.

Hiccups that shook her body, sneezes where she smacked herself in the head, pregnancy clothes that are in a box in my closet, pictures of me huge at 6 months that bring back memories of our amazement that there was an actual person inside of me.

But I am practical in many ways. I know that I will probably have to go back to work, and I can’t risk having hyperemesis gravidarum (definition: constant vomiting your entire pregnancy) again and not being able to provide a second income. My chances of having it are 30% greater because I had it the first time around. 

Bella doesn’t need a mom who can’t move from the couch due to barfing or bedrest when she is just learning how to walk and be independent. The toddler stage is one of my favorites, and I’m looking forward to spending it with her. Interacting with her. Not tossing her toys from the bed or playing “horsie” with my leg for 3 hours because I can’t pick her up.

Not only that, the stress it would put on our marriage in the middle or just after a giant move and life change would be too much. As well as the stress on our finances. Babies aren’t cheap, and we’re just now finishing paying the hospital bills for Bella and I. Just in time for our insurance to cap and start all over again at a new deductible. ::throws fresh kitty poo at insurance companies::

I figure – next summer. We’ll see where we are then, and go from there. I could have a perfectly normal pregnancy, and not everything always goes the way we plan. But since we know this has a greater chance of happening, we have to err on the side of caution this next time.

Also, we aren’t ready for #2 because we’re enjoying #1 so very much, and adjusting to life with her before we throw another wrench in there. 🙂

How about you? What are your reasons for waiting or trying again soon? Or what were your reasons for those of you already there?

18 Comments

  • Kim

    July 10, 2010 at 8:03 am

    I would be all over having another one now…however DB doesn’t want any more…ugh.

    http://anthonytheboss.wordpress.com/2010/07/10/the-new-mothers-helper/

  • Carlyn

    July 9, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    (not sure if I have commented before or not.. if not.. HI!)

    I am currently pregnant with the first, and have hyperemesis, and placentra previa, the husband has been yapping on and on about how he wants another one right away, and I look at him like has lost his damn mind. For multiple reasons.. Money being one…a big one. and honestly, I am not so sure I can risk putting my body through this again I was vomitting every hour on the hour, had a standing appointmet every 2 days in the ER for fluids, and then put on chemo meds to help with it, because it was so violent, I couldnt keep ANYTHING down. My body is sore, and tired ontop of being pregnant, so for selfish reasons I dont know how I will do this again… So I understand… Id like to, id like this one to have play mate, I have sibilings I know how wonderful it is, but money is tight, and I cant possibly mother a baby and be dying on the couch with a bucket next to my head 24/7….

    1. Diana

      July 9, 2010 at 8:35 pm

      Carlyn,

      I am so sorry you have hypermesis. If you EVER want to vent, talk, or whatever to someone who has been down that road – I’m here. I get it, it’s awful. And I felt like I was going crazy because no one really understood what it took.

      I was on Zofran the entire time – they gave me a shot of it as I went into labor even. :/ So hugs and thoughts and prayers your way lady.

  • Janelle

    July 9, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Posts like this make me sad. I understand that you want to wait because you were so sick with Bella, but most of the rest of your reasons for waiting come down to…money. I feel like those of us who wait and weight out the options of a kid – financially – are often very good parents, as opposed to those who multiply on a whim. Perhaps this is me expressing the frustration of the many families who live near us and have many, many kids, all supported by the state, while we reproduce with caution. I think you are probably a fantastic mother and would raise amazing kids who would do amazing things – so hopefully you do have more (and have an easier pregnancy in the process!) If only there was an “excellent mother” tax credit…

    My little guys are 20 months apart. We’re oh so busy, but managing, and happy. And I just want to keep having them…

    1. Diana

      July 9, 2010 at 8:33 pm

      At first when I read this I was like, “Oh no, I totally didn’t mean to sound as if money is all we think about when it comes to kids.” But as I read on, I caught your drift.

      And for me, that part of it is a whole other, perhaps never published, post. Because it makes me really angry to think that there are people out there who just have as many kids as they want with no worries because we all pay for them to, while most of us are stuck planning and waiting.

      It reminds me of the beginning of the Idiocracy movie.

      And? I’m so glad you feel this way too because sometimes I feel like me and Sam are in the minority on thinking this way.

  • mama23bears

    July 9, 2010 at 9:36 am

    like you i spent time on bedrest with my last 2 pregnancys’. like 3 whole months! i don’t want to be parenting from the couch and i don’t want to miss this time i have enjoying my boy. if i were to be pregnant again, it would be #4 for us and i am just still not sure if that’s what we want. i’m young. i feel like we have time to figure it out. i’m in no rush.

  • Angie

    July 9, 2010 at 7:53 am

    This is an interesting debate. It is just so hard to know! There really are pros and cons each way, and they’re not going to go away. You win AND lose either way you go. I’ve heard that adding a second one to the family is much easier if your first child is younger than 2 or older than 4, but obviously there are a lot of exceptions to that rule.
    We decided we wanted our kids to be really close together, and after 5 mos of trying for our second, they’re 18.5 mos apart. Crazy? Maybe, baby. Busy, yes. But actually, it’s pretty fun. In a year or two they’ll be in developmentally similar stages, and already I’m getting questions about if they’re twins. They like playing together, and I think it’s only going to get better. We’ve been really happy with our choice to get them both out fast and be done with the breeding part of parenthood.
    Then again, I live in Canada so the medical bills weren’t an issue.
    A couple other things that came to mind:
    – My first child was a spitter. It was brutal. Second child: not a drop. So don’t assume that the second will be like that just because the first was.
    – Similarly, the PPD was brutal the first time (I was having fantasies about crashing my car into something so I wouldn’t have to take care of her anymore) – – but none at all the second time. So while it might happen again, don’t assume that it necessarily has to.
    – I also found that the labour, delivery, recovery, breastfeeding, sleeping, and mental adjustment to being a mom were about a kazillion times easier the second time round. You might be surprised too.
    – My cousin has had hyperemesis gravidarum with both of her pregnancies and with the second was able to get a portable 24-hour Zofran drip that lives in a little fanny pack on her waist and keeps her functioning. Again, it comes down to dollars and cents and insurance, but it might be something worth considering.
    – I worried that I could never love my second as much as I loved my first. But somehow, your heart makes room. Impossible to imagine, I know, but true.

  • Jess@Straight Talk

    July 9, 2010 at 7:08 am

    Ugh! Why do people feel the need to assume that babies come in pairs? We are constantly asked when Ava’s getting a sibling (especially because she’s 4.5). For us, it just wasn’t right financially because we moved to a new city and were still making sure that we were in careers we plan to stay at. It’s not so bueno when you start a new job then get prego. I think we are far closer now to that place.

    But honestly I just didn’t think that I could handle another. How could I take all the attention from my little angel? How could I share that? It sounds stupid but true. I know I’ll have enough love for more than her, but it’s a scary thought. I like our little trio. So…the day is coming. And sooner rather than later and I guess we’ll deal with that when it comes.

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  • metta1313

    July 8, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    It’s all about the money…you know affording daycare for two. Or waiting till my mom moves out to be our nanny. But I envision, at least once a week, winning the lottery and getting pregnant right away…well maybe 2 years between would be good. But still, if sucks that’s it’s all about the money for us.

  • Melodramamma

    July 8, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    First, I really hope you know how gorgeous you are!

    Second, it is sooooo good that you have really thought this through. I completely validate what a hard TWO years you have had (including the one being pregnant) and it is really good to just enjoy where you are. Coming from a mother who spaced her children very close: got pregnant (intentionally) when baby girl was 11 months–they were 20 months apart. That year–last year–having a toddler and infant–two in diapers was the hardest year of my life! Ever! I also had some extentuating circumstances–so my opinion is a little biased, BUT, having two in diapers is a lot of work–constant work–more than I ever imagined, and yes it is wonderful and amazing but it is very hard, so if everything else in life is changing around you–moving, jobs, stress, ENJOY a season of peace. Then when baby 2 comes round, you will feel ready, prepared, little bella will be ready to be a big-little sister, and you will get to enjoy your next one. That is my very biased opinion. I agree with you Diana. Yes. Yes. Yes.

    And, I’m still laughing at the van down by the river!

    1. Diana

      July 9, 2010 at 8:29 pm

      🙂 Thanks. I know if it happened unplanned, we’d be happy and roll with it. But with everything going on, I can’t see us just saying, “Well, let’s have another.” So we are enjoying a peaceful time right now. Before the storm.

  • Suzanne @ pretty*swell

    July 8, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    I agonize over this decision pretty much every day. My daughter is almost 2 and a half, and I always imagined we’d have another one by now. But, after suffering from PPD and realizing just HOW MUCH I need sleep, I’m not sure when I’m going to feel ready for another baby. Ever? I don’t know.

    I fee like we’ve just emerged from a long, dark tunnel and life is finally feeling normal again, whatever that means. We’re getting sleep. We have a social life. We’re both able to travel. And also travel as a family. Things are just SO nice with our little threesome. Not sure I’m ready to break up the party yet!

    But, like you guys, I long for a baby. I miss the baby-ness: the tiny hands and feet, the sweet noises, a little one sleeping on my chest. My body is pretty much screaming at me right now. It’s hard to resist!

    So refreshing to read this post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    1. Diana

      July 9, 2010 at 8:28 pm

      Yeah, we really hesitated ever having kids – but I’m so glad we did. But now that I know what the first few months entail, I am hesitating even more.

  • Lisa Garretson

    July 8, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    We are currently expecting a baby boy in August. We have a 2 yr old girl now and we had planned for them to be 2 years apart. LOL I am the planner and it just so happened that God saw fit to let me have my way. We will see how it goes though. I hate being pregnant. Although I didn’t have the throwing up my whole pregnancy, I had other horrendous things happen. Like pain in all the joints from the back down to my feet to where I needed help to go to the bathroom and even to walk. So I so get being cautious. Enjoy your little one as much as you can! I love spending time with my 2 year old and those days are numbered to where it’s just her. But all is well because we don’t need to keep her spoiled. HA!

  • Cindy @ This Adventure, Our Life

    July 8, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    I love children and I would probably have tons if I could (within reason)…but I like you love spending time with Bailey, and I want to soak it all up… Maybe in a year or year and a half 🙂 Financially we are still finishing paying our cord blood and medical bills (thank you to a C-section and a PPO!)…I have a friend who has children close together and she is a great Mom but always seems a bit stressed…so I would have to agree with you, we are waiting, there is soo much fun to come soon 🙂

  • Jen

    July 8, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    As soon as you start dating, people ask when you’re going to get married. As soon as you’re married, people ask when you’re going to have kids. As soon as you have 1 kid, people want to know when you’re rolling out another one. We sure as heck weren’t ready to have our children be 18 months apart, but I wouldn’t change it for the world now. However, we are definitely waiting because I do want to enjoy my time with just 2 kids now, and give them as much of myself as I can without wearing myself down in the process. Quick funny: My grandmother-in-law is catholic and had 8 children. After I had my 2nd baby, she asked me what I planned on using for birth control. As if having my 2 kids in short succession was just too much.

    1. Diana

      July 8, 2010 at 3:28 pm

      ::dies:: She probably was worried you were trying to “out kid” her. At that rate you should have 4 by now. Halfway there.

      I always tell people, “Feel free to pay my medical bills so we can have another one really soon!” That shuts ’em up.

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