AP’ing at 9 months – not by choice

September 2, 2010

Bella has suddenly decided to get all AP (Attachment Parenting) on me. Some of it has to do with the drama of the past few weeks, moving, a new place to get used to. But this was starting even at the old house.

She’ll wake up happy from a nap, and come out with me into the kitchen, pat me on the shoulder (we sing the “Pat pat pat the Mommy” song) and be in a great mood.

Then I go to put her down. Anywhere. Floor, playpen, jumpy – and she’ll instantly stiffen herself out, flip on her stomach the moment she’s down, start to sob hysterically, climb up or across the room at me, and scream on full blast.

Forever. As if everything I put her in also contains some kind of boiling liquid that eats her flesh off.

Tears stream down her cheeks as she throws herself all over the place trying to get me to take her out or pick her up. The sobs get louder, snot runs down her face and the more I wipe it, the more inconsolable she becomes.

Then comes the inevitable falling over because she has worked herself into a frenzy, which means she bumps her head or leg against a toy or soft part of the playpen. This is beyond anything she can handle, and so she takes it up another notch to, “I’M GOING TO DIE IN HERE AND NO ONE CARES AND I AM PROBABLY BLEEDING ALL OVER AND MY LEG IS BEING SEVERED OFF BY THE STUFFED BUNNY AND MY SNOT IS SUFFOCATING ME – NOOOOOOOO!! MOOOOOMMMMMYYYYY!!!!!!”

This leads to me taking her out because I don’t want to hear it, or listen to her sad crying anymore. And friends, I have tried. I have left her in there and hardened my heart against the screaming to get her to play by herself once in a while.

Not only does it not work, she figures out that next time she needs to start this a lot sooner. Like if she is within 10ft of the playpen or jumpy. Or feels me moving in a downward direction.

I would like for her to be able to play on her own. Now, to be fair, if she’s in her crib, she will play by herself for a while – either before going to sleep or after she wakes up from a happy nap. (Angry naps are a whole different matter.)

But if she can see me, it’s over.

Therefore I end up carrying her around all day. Much to her delight.



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  • Cindy @ This Adventure, Our Life

    September 5, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    Bailey is the same way! I can not go to the bathroom, sit and hold laundry or even leave the car to fill up with gas!! She has to be touching me or else it is like someone is hurting her majorly!! I know how you feel, I have seriously had to stop blogging because of it, and to top it off, she does not nap, so seriously no breaks for mom!!

  • Alyssa

    September 3, 2010 at 4:12 am

    OMG. Hailey is doing the exact same thing right now. I could have written this!!! It’s so awful and annoying and I am at a loss over what to do about it.

  • Janelle

    September 2, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    I bet you have rockin’ hot arm muscles from lugging her around 🙂

  • Erika @Namammaste

    September 2, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    Wow… Dylan too! I’ve found if I don’t restrict him to an area and let him crawl all over and explore everything he’s fine… but that means he goes straight for the dog’s water bowl and dumps it all over himself EVERY TIME… then the door stop where he pulls off the plastic cover… then over to the kitchen where he grabs a frying pan off the shelf to bang on the floor or over the recycling bin to play with a cardboard box or plastic bottle 🙂 AND THEN, after he’s done all that he tries to climb me and flips out if I don’t pick him up. So, needless to say, not much gets done while he’s “exploring” and even less once I pick him up.

    Anyway, hang in there… I know it’s just a phase they all go through sometime between 7 and 12 months.

  • Brooke

    September 2, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    I feel for you… Ruby went through that at 9 months too. It was trying to say the least. I kept reminding myself that soon enough she’ll be toddling, then running (then *gasp* driving!) away from me, so I just surrendered to it and took the cuddles to the cuddlebank… Happily she’s over it now. (I also had to keep reminding myself that “what you resist, persists” so the more I resisted her neediness, the more she persisted with it…)
    Good luck!

  • Sarah

    September 2, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    Ugh, I can relate. We just got back from vacation and the entire time we were at the beach my daughter was on my hip. It was starting to drive me insane, but now we are home and she’s doing fine.. lol

  • Alexia

    September 2, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Cedella is doing the same thing right now. To the point where she won’t even go to her father anymore. She won’t sleep in her crib for more than four hours before bellowing hysterically and indeed sounding like someone is torturing her. My pediatrician says its a phase too. Something they have to go through in order to discern who they can trust. But damn if this phase isn’t one of the worst ones yet. Hang in there sister, it won’t last forever, and perhaps you both need some extra cuddling and love right now ; )

  • Stephanie @ Confessions of a Trophy Wife

    September 2, 2010 at 10:19 am

    Oy… hopefully this will be a short phase!

  • Nicci @ Changing the Universe

    September 2, 2010 at 10:16 am

    LOL!! We have names for Aric’s cries. There’s the “I’m Awake and Hungry” whine/cry. The “I’m Not Sleepy” cry that either ends abruptly with him napping or turns into the “I’m Currently Being Murdered” scream.

    My sister was babysitting one day and she called me while he was in the midst of that last cry. She was on a completely different floor than Aric was and I could actually hear him through the phone screaming words very similar to Bella’s screams 🙂

    Boy I hope this phase ends soon!!

  • Metro DC Mom

    September 2, 2010 at 9:06 am

    It’s a phase. She will grow out of it. My four year old is wonderful at playing by himself and very independent and I carried him in a sling for most of his first year (out of necessity while I chased his then 4 year old older brother).

    Hang in there!

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