Beyond Motherhood

September 8, 2010

When I was little, I wanted to be a famous ice skater. In so many ways, this was not possible. Mainly because at the time I may have skated once in my entire life. I was convinced once I hit the ice I would be amazing.

No. The only amazing part was the fact I still have ankles.

I also wanted to be an actress – which was odd since I hated getting up in front of people. I could have had everyone just close their eyes while I was on stage.

I always wanted to be a mom. And now I am, and I love it.

However, being a mom in the sense of what we are right now is short term. Children go to school, they leave home, they get married. Sam and I agreed we are raising our children to have their own lives, not to be attached to ours indefinitely.

What do I want to accomplish during this time so my life wasn’t completely revolved around my child? I love being a mom, but I have a strong sense of that’s not what I “am” as an individual. The last thing I want is to watch my last child leave and think, “My whole sense of self just walked out that door.” In my opinion, that isn’t healthy for my marriage, my children, or me.

So now I’ve been thinking about what I want to do with my life.

I’m really not sure. I know I want to be a great wife, mom, and friend. I want to be a stronger Christian, and to have a clearer understanding of what that really means. I want to be the kind of person that people think, “I’ll never forget her.”

Other than that, I’m kinda at a loss these days. I love my life – these past few weeks have brought about changes that have turned our life completely around for the better. (To be written about later.) But I do have moments where I think, “Now what?”

When my kids aren’t around, who am I? What do I do? What purpose do I serve? That is still being figured out. I want to look back at my life and see that I did something I loved outside of my children, my husband, my friends.

Something that defines me. Beyond Motherhood.

4 Comments

  • Janelle

    September 9, 2010 at 8:17 am

    I too dreamt of being a figure skater. We had a pond in my parent’s backyard and I would go out and glide around – holding on to the back of a chair for balance. Being that I was a chunky little monkey, probably not a reality.
    Have you thought about grant writing for a non-profit you support? You are a great writer, you could do it from home while being with Bella, and even if you just started out volunteering, it is a great way to get to know like-minded folks and gain experience that would pay you (perhaps, one day, quite well!). Speaking from someone who works at a non-profit, we love volunteers, and love, even more, ones willing to write grants. I think you would be great at it. Just a thought.

  • stephanie

    September 8, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    I have always wanted to be a mom. That is it. Just a mom. I have my degree in education, I’ve been to law school. But starting our family and being a mom is one of my biggest dreams!

  • Jess@StraightTalk

    September 8, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    This is an amazingly good post because it is so incredibly true. It’s all about our kids and we forget the rest sometimes. Love it. And good luck, I know you’ll be awesome at whatever you choose. And at the end of the day? It doesn’t have to be just one thing…

  • Staci

    September 8, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    LOVE this. I feel so much the same way, but sometimes I think maybe no one else does. Where I live, being a mother seems like the epitomy of life. There is nothing else.

    I want to be a really great photographer. I should look into classes and start doing that again.

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