Perhaps your family and friends knew about your blog from the very beginning because you started it for updates. Perhaps they knew about it later when you let it slip in a conversation. Perhaps you became desperate a month in because you were stuck at 12 followers on Google Friend Connect and you knew one of them had to have a gmail account – right? So you sent out an invitation to the world, “Here it is, please come read and leave a comment. Please. PLEASE.”
Perhaps there was a point later on when you could have easily gnawed off your own arm for that decision.
Whatever the reason or accident, they read it. And, more than likely, most of them are wonderfully supportive and write you on occasion about how much they love it. That’s wonderful.
The other ones? They fall into categories. And if you find yourself wondering if the following is about you, please remember this post – cuz it’s not:
– The stalker: They always remain a mystery. Never actually *saying* they read your blog, but you have a suspicion they must. How often can you post, “OMG my pants won’t fit over my ankles anymore!” and share it on FB without them having the slightest curiosity of why you’ve gotten so fat? You know they do. You know it. But. You can’t prove it.
– The slipper: You don’t know this person well, in fact, maybe you haven’t seen them in years. A friend request accepted, and few pleasantries and some photo album stalking, and a few months later you bump into them. Where they happen to ask about how you’re doing in therapy for your marriage. An awkward silence ensues as they realize you’ve never talked about it anywhere else but your blog.
– The literal translator: Blogs are meant to be over the top dramatic. But this person? Has no idea. And so when you post something like, “I lose my marbles and yell, ‘Knock it off! All of you! Silence! Sit! Down! Now! No! Talking! Are! You! In! Sane?!’ Susan gets worried. In fact, each post makes her doubt your sanity and ability to parent. Phrases you say like, “I was going to kill all of them!” make her jump in fright. Your children ask you why Susan keeps whispering to them, “Do you like living with Mommy?”
– The hater: Hey jealousy. Nancy has a way of making you feel about two inches tall when she brings up your blog, in her “Isn’t it nice you have time for this?” voice. Always making sure you realize how RIDICULOUS she thinks it is, reiterating how she simply is much too busy “being a good mother” to blog. Which is odd since she spends most of her day on the phone or FB telling you this…
– The professional: Your friends husband is head of a large company, and learns you have a blog. Suddenly, he has a product for you to sell on it. Stripper-wear for moms. Like Tupperwear because you have parties. Only – not at all like Tupperware because it has lace and spikes. And a free whip with every purchase over $30. Awkward? I think yes.
– The questioner: Uncle John has no idea what a blog is. Heck, he’s just figured out how to turn on the computer. Using it is next week. So your conversations with him consist of the same explanation over and over, “And I write, then people (hopefully) come read and leave a comment.” He insists there must be more. He also insists a blog is a type of pyramid scam and that you are going to lose all your money, and possibly his, one day by doing this.
And of course,
– The announcer: These people become vocal about your blog, assuming what you write is fair game for the world, and the family Easter dinner. Usually an aunt or older cousin, they cackle at you from the other side of the ham in their “my hearing aid isn’t all the way up” voice; “Julia here wrote on her blog thing her thighs look like mounds of cottage cheese when she stands in front of the mirror and she’s jealous of one of her naturally thin cousins! She must mean you Tina – she’s been eyeing you up the whole day. Is that who you mean Julia? Why don’t you try to run that 5k again you posted about? You shed 10lbs doing that and then gained it all back stuffing your face with – what did you write it was? – Chinese take out? Lordy, I couldn’t eat that stuff if I tried. How’s it going with you being a better mom? Did you and Greg ever work out that you’d rather lick a toad than sleep with him when he stays up all night playing video games? Probably isn’t helping that your marriage counselor is as hot as – who did you say? – oh, Puck from Glee. Who is that again?”
As much as we love our family and friends, I think we all envy anonymous bloggers at times. Thank you to the bloggers that helped put this together. 🙂