Putting on my big girl panties

March 12, 2011

Literally and figuratively.

I took the first night Sam was gone and wallowed in misery. I woke up the next morning with a crick in my neck from sleeping on the couch, puffy eyes, my face hurting, and a stomach ache. So after spending the morning feeling sad, I decided to change my attitude quickly. 18 weeks of sad sack Diana weren’t going to be good for anyone. Especially Bella.

I’ve had goals since knowing Sam was leaving. 4 months is just enough to make some changes, but not so long that it becomes overwhelming to think about.

First, I’m getting healthier. Mostly by eating less and better. With Sam not eating, I decided to try to buy all organic. Much cheaper with just 1. And a half.

I’m also cooking our meals still, but finding new recipes that include a ton of veggies. I’m trying things like flax, kale, these little yogurt drinks – and it’s fun. I never cooked anything but spaghetti and eggplant parmesan until we moved here last year. Seriously. No wonder Sam cooked all the time. Poor man.

I’m becoming a lot more active. I enrolled in Zumba, I take Bella to the zoo, park, on walks, just getting out of the house. It’s been like 70 here every day (I know, right?) so we are outside as much as possible.

Bella and I are finding our own routine. It’s not easy – in fact by 7pm I’m so tired I can barely move. But there is a certain sense of pride I feel in knowing that I am doing this all on my own. The exhaustion is a reminder that I must be doing ok.

I’m still knitting. And loving it. I’ve got like a 2 foot scarf going on, and a callus on my pointer finger from the yarn rubbing against it.

Battle wounds.

I’m reading up on natural birth control. Because after being on something for 10 years, I’m beginning to wonder what it might be doing to me. One of the easiest ways I’ve found to chart is using the Fertility Flower on my iPhone. Wake up, take your temperature, and enter it in your phone. Done. Maybe being off birth control will help me lose some poundage.

I miss Sam. I really, really do. I miss his presence in our home. I miss him at night when we used to curl up and watch Glee or Survivor. He was such a help here the month he was home – mess and all. 🙂

But I’m learning that a lot of the time, I leaned on him to do things I was capable of doing – and forgot I was. I was afraid when he left I wouldn’t be able to do things he used to do. I can.

I’m putting on my big girl panties, manning up, and taking it one day at a time.

33 Comments

  • t.bird

    March 17, 2011 at 7:40 am

    kudos girl 🙂

  • Branson

    March 16, 2011 at 11:46 am

    I am behind on blog reading, but I have been praying for you guys and are proud of you for making these great choices 🙂

  • Jess@Straight Talk

    March 14, 2011 at 10:37 am

    Sounds like you are doing great! You are awesome and I can’t wait to hear all the new things you learn/do on your journey!

  • Alexia

    March 13, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    Yay for all the steps you are going to take while Sam is away to make your lives better! You’re amazing. Keep your head up and we’ll all be here for you no matter what!

    1. Diana

      March 13, 2011 at 11:16 pm

      I hope I can stick to most of them 🙂 and thanks for the encouragement.

  • Miranda

    March 13, 2011 at 9:13 am

    You can do this, Diana! We’re all here for you to lean on when you need us!

    1. Diana

      March 13, 2011 at 11:15 pm

      Thank you!!

  • Jen

    March 12, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    Good for you for getting out and being the best mom to Bella. These next few months will really fly by, and you’ll look back and realize what an awesome person you are!!

    1. Diana

      March 13, 2011 at 11:17 pm

      It helps to know you go through this every day, with 2, for the past 3 years. I think, “Psssh – 4 months with one? Jen could do that blind, deaf, and missing a leg.” :)p

  • Jen

    March 12, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    Just no granny panties mmmkay?

    1. Diana

      March 13, 2011 at 11:17 pm

      Promise. No granny panties.

  • Krista

    March 12, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    You’re a rock, my friend. I admire your positive outlook so quickly. Good work, momma!

    1. Diana

      March 13, 2011 at 11:17 pm

      Thank you!

  • Amber

    March 12, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    Im new to your blog so hi Im amber. You are doing fantastic. My hubs was going away for 2 weeks and I thought I was going to die. But after a couple of days I told him he better get back because I was starting to enjoy having the bed to myself. Oh and your pic is gorgeous

    1. Diana

      March 13, 2011 at 11:18 pm

      Oh Amber, thanks so much! I think any amount of time your spouse is gone is long. Although secretly (shhh) I totally love having the bed all to myself.
      Fart free. 🙂

  • Brooke

    March 12, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    You rock, lady!! Good on you – you totally deserved a day or so of sadness, but I’m so impressed with your awesome go-for-it attitude!
    Please share any yummy recipes you find! I’m so bored with everything we make these days.

    One thing I’ve been doing for me and Ruby is taking zucchini and shredding it with a veggie peeler, so it turns into ribbons. Then saute the ribbons in a little bit of butter until it’s sweet and a little brown. When it’s done, toss it with some parmesan cheese. Yummy.

    1. Diana

      March 13, 2011 at 11:19 pm

      That sounds amazing. I don’t know if you’re on my FB page, but I’m sharing recipes over there if you’re interested. I put them in the notes section. I get bored with things too, so I’m trying to learn to cook with different ingredients.

  • Susan

    March 12, 2011 at 11:37 am

    BTW, you’r picture is beautiful! Really! It’s beautiful!

    1. Diana

      March 13, 2011 at 11:20 pm

      Thanks Susan. 🙂

  • Aimee

    March 12, 2011 at 11:36 am

    FAM-er over here too! If you haven’t already read it, I would highly, highly, highly suggest getting a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Wechsler. This book changed my life, seriously!

    http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0060881909/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1299951379&sr=8-1

    1. Diana

      March 13, 2011 at 11:20 pm

      ZOMG I love that book. Holy mother it is long but it’s got some good info. It keeps me wondering why we ever started birth control in the first place.

  • Susan

    March 12, 2011 at 11:32 am

    I’m proud of you Diana. I think that I have told you before that I consider the time before they actually leave to be the worse. At least after they are gone you can start counting down the days. This will be a confidence building experience for you and you will do great. Actually, I think it would be a good thing for all wives to do at least once. It lets you step back from the day to day living and get a good perspective on what’s important and what isn’t. It lets you remember the things that made you fall in love with your husband because you don’t have the daily frustrations of living with them.

    1. Diana

      March 13, 2011 at 11:21 pm

      So many wise statements in that – it’s very true. Being away from Sam changes my whole outlook on him, our marriage, his role as a father. In a good way.

  • Stephanie @ Confessions of a Trophy Wife

    March 12, 2011 at 11:22 am

    Just take things a day at a time. You can totally do this!

    P.S. I’ve also started the process of natural birth control using FAM!

    1. Diana

      March 13, 2011 at 11:22 pm

      It’s awesome. I seriously wonder how this isn’t ever taught in school or even brought up in dr.’s appointments.

  • themanager

    March 12, 2011 at 11:10 am

    you’re doing great! and, Bella is probably having so much fun with mama! I stopped taking bc like 3 years ago because after being on it for most of the past 16 years I felt like it was not the best for me anymore. I had horrible migraines, etc.

    also, cooking for 1 and a 1/2 all organic? I’m jealous! can I come over?

    1. Diana

      March 13, 2011 at 11:23 pm

      Yes! But then it would be cooking for 2 1/2 again. Not so cheap. 🙂

  • Erin

    March 12, 2011 at 10:54 am

    you can totally do it lady! you ARE doing it 🙂 I’m so proud of you! and I think of you often! I can’t imagine how hard it is, but look at you go! 🙂

  • kim

    March 12, 2011 at 10:36 am

    With you all the way!!

  • TheNextMartha

    March 12, 2011 at 9:58 am

    You can do it! We’ll be here for you too. Hugs.

    1. Diana

      March 13, 2011 at 11:23 pm

      Thanks Jen. The fact that you are always so supportive really helps. 🙂

  • Jen

    March 12, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Diana, you are such a brave strong person. I think it’s awesome that you are doing so much to keep yourself busy and happy! You and Bella will both be better off that way. Don’t feel bad if you have bad days or slips it happen. (((hugs)))

    1. Diana

      March 13, 2011 at 11:24 pm

      Thank you for that reminder Jen. I know there will be days ahead where I just want to curl up in bed and never come out. Sometimes I need to hear that that’s ok and normal too.

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