Sunday Confessions: I hated breastfeeding

May 22, 2011

To some of you, this will come as no surprise. I wrote about the horrible pain and discomfort I went through the first 3 months as a guest post for Blair.

But in all honesty, breastfeeding was never fun for me. It rarely was something I found peaceful and serene. There were times like that, but most of it was filled with nipple shields, lanolin, plugged ducts, mastitis, chapped nipples, and constant pain. It was right after Bella turned a year old that I actually enjoyed our moments together like that, but then it ended.

Bella stopped nursing not to long after I wrote my post on Baby-Led Weaning (which I later learned usually refers to changing to solids at 6ish months, but oh well). She was only nursing once at night, and then one night she simply pulled away before nursing, and pointed to a book. She went to bed without a fuss.

The next night I simply skipped nursing and read her the book. She could have cared less. She tried once more after that when she was upset one night, but by that time it was over.

There was a twinge of sadness as I realized that was it for us. But mostly, relief.

I’m a breastfeeding advocate and still strongly support it – but I know it’s not for everyone. Heck, it almost wasn’t for me.

In some ways I wanted to be a mom that did extended breastfeeding, if only to appreciate it more the second year, but that wasn’t Bella’s deal.

And she found a new kind of boob. One that requires me to search all over the house, curse at it under my breath, clean it and carry it with us everywhere.

Link up your confession! There is a button in the left sidebar if you want to grab it.

16 Comments

  • Amber

    March 9, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    Breastfeeding definitely isn’t easy. I really struggled with it for the first month or so, then again every time my little one hit a growth spurt. It was such a nice weight off my shoulders when she was weaned just after a year. I let her wean herself and it was the simplest thing in the world. She started going longer and longer between feedings and I gradually stopped offering it. Painless for both of us.

  • Kelly

    May 24, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    At least you tried and lasted as long as you did, that’s the important thing. Not everyone has a great experience with it and it’s not really for everyone – it’s a lot of work and a sacrifice of your time and body. Great job, mama!

  • Teresa

    May 23, 2011 at 9:03 am

    I love breastfeeding BUT I was fortunate to never have pain or problems. Kudos for hanging in there through all those tough times, because I would’ve probably quit (I’m weak).

  • Jacquelyn

    May 22, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    i dont always love or even like the things i do for my children.

    Like….. field trips (for example).

    i hate it. but they want me there and i want to be there for them.

    but its a pain.

    and i feel guilty for feeling like that.

    and I like you even more (which is surprisingly possible) since you started to blog without censor because of fear of offending.

    i relate to so many of your posts. and i feel a little less f*ed up knowing I’m not the only one!

    1. Diana

      May 23, 2011 at 10:50 am

      This was, quite honestly, one of the nicest comments I’ve ever gotten. <3 You know I just adore you.

  • Kim

    May 22, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    You know I have so much respect for you because you stuck to breastfeeding because you felt that it was the best for Bella even if you didn’t feel all joyful over it. Amazes me. You’re awesome.

  • Ruth Hill

    May 22, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    My experiences with breastfeeding were very disappointing. I didn’t have enough milk so my daughter nursed almost around the clock the first few weeks and still lost weight. I continued to nurse for 6 months in addition to formula supplements. I even pumped but to no avail. My daughter stopped when she wanted to. I mostly felt inadequate because I did not have enough milk. And my then husband tended to blame me too, but that is a long story. Thanks for sharing your post!

  • Not There Yet

    May 22, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    we are just starting down our road of bfing. It is WAY tougher than I thought it would be. And exhausting…. thank goodness for pumps so that the 3, 5 and 7 am feedings are not as bleak as they were 4 days ago….

  • Suz

    May 22, 2011 at 10:42 am

    I love the “just keeping it real” aspect of these Sunday confessions. Im so impressed you kept it up even though you hated it. That’s determination & such an awesome show of love to Bella.

    PS what social media icon plugin do you use? The one I have doesn’t have pintrest option.

    1. Diana

      May 23, 2011 at 12:02 pm

      You know, I never did either. The “P” was for some other site. I took theirs and edited it down in my dashboard (upload to media and then change the dimensions to fir the rest of the stuff). If you need help let me know – you can also try to right click on mine and save it to your computer, then upload it to your dashboard!

  • Alexia

    May 22, 2011 at 10:16 am

    Totally hear you on this one. I loved breastfeeding and it was easy for us. But now? It’s becoming the bane of my existence. At 16 months Cedella shows NO signs of stopping and I’m starting to resent it. Ugh. So frustrating. Gonna go write a confession about it now ; )

  • Cathy

    May 22, 2011 at 7:58 am

    Uh oh what will you do to ever rid her of the paci? I hope it’s as easy as a book! Lol 😛

  • Cindy @ This Adventure, Our Life

    May 22, 2011 at 7:49 am

    I think it is good to be honest about breastfeeding so people know that it is not always easy. I think there are so many benefits to breastfeeding and that is great that you made it as far as you did! I had few problems with breastfeeding and have been very lucky! The hardest time I had was in the beginning when they gave her formula (3 bottles) in the NICU and she got hooked to that and wanted nothing to do with breastfeeding…but since then till today we are going good. Each person needs to do what works for them. Good for you to preserver through the first year.

  • LA

    May 22, 2011 at 7:33 am

    So impressed with your honesty. I wanted to love bfing and I hated it so much that I just quit after 6 weeks. I really want to go longer this time around because I really do believe in it’s benefits. This inspires me!

  • Miranda

    May 22, 2011 at 7:12 am

    I loved breastfeeding, but I hated the stress of never knowing if I was making enough for the toddler-child who issued forth from my incision. (Thanks, PCOS. Mother effer.)

    When he refused to nurse at 4.5 months, I was really, really sad about it.

    Huh. Not sure why I just shared that here, but there you have it.

  • Jen J. – Life With Levi

    May 22, 2011 at 7:08 am

    Thanks for sharing such an honest post about breastfeeding. I think some people are afraid to share the negative stuff, but if you really want to normalize breastfeeding, I think it all needs to come out, good or bad.

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