As you are reading this, I am listening to this song. And really, you should be too. (ignore the video though) It seems odd, that this is the song that chokes me up in the car. That makes me want to flip open the computer and pour out my heart to you all. The song that makes me throw my head up in defiance of the odds against me in the writing world and keep going.
I mean, it’s Miley. Miley.
But there it is. My motivational song. Crank it up.
I listen to this to gain perspective after a rough day. To push myself to keep going. To look back over the past 22 months of blogging and see the friendships, the perspective I’ve gained, the opportunities that have come my way just from this. At times I can’t quite believe how much writing here has impacted my life.
I am a small town girl – one stop light, no WalMart, and a graduating class of 96 people. I got married at 19. I struggle to be the best mom and wife I can. I am just one of millions of women who dream big. I get frustrated, jealous, impatient, and feel defeat so often. But here I am. Writing still. Pushing myself to satisfy that little voice in my head that says, “What if you could…?”
And so in 3 weeks, I pack up my bags. I take my daughter with me and we head back East. To see dear friends. An little town in New Jersey I came from that I never saw again. And to head to New York. BlogHer Writers. with a book I’ve been working on, really since I was 8, but this particular one for about a year in my head and 2 months on paper.
I’ll stand in front of publishers and authors with my book, the part of me I’ve been dreaming of writing into life since I can remember. I don’t know what will happen. Maybe nothing. But after BlogHer I realized this is something I have to do – it’s my next step.
So tonight I sit here. In a rented home. Listening to Miley of all people. With frayed jeans and a Target shirt. With a car payment and student loans, with a hard working husband and a darling child. Running to Starbucks every weekend to get on some quiet writing time. Typing on a basic laptop, with just enough money that I’ve earned and we saved to send me out to the city. I didn’t even think I;d get to go but Sam pushed me to make it happen.
I’m nobody special. This isn’t me telling you I’ve hit the big times. Lol. I just have a dream of being a writer and author. It’s amazing to me that a blog I started to vent and talk about my life would have led me down this path. Simply because it gave me a little more courage to take that chance.
I may go there and be inspired. Or come home knowing that path isn’t for me. But I can tell you that the little girl that wrote book after book in her New Jersey bedroom and devoured novels night and day, who read and wrote all her life in order to be fulfilled, who loved to watch the faces of others as they listened to her tell a story – I can tell you that little girl would be mighty proud of me.
And yeah. When I come back, part of me hopes you all are proud too.
Whatever the outcome.