Parenting Between the Extremes

September 12, 2011

I hate even writing this, but I can’t imagine there aren’t a few moms out there in the same boat and I need some help. And really, if you’re sitting here reading while smirking and thinking, “I knew she would one day,” please leave.

Friday I smacked Bella across her bare bottom.

πŸ™

She was on the changing table throwing another tantrum, I was exhausted, trying to get her ready for a nap, her foot kicked me in the face, and I just whacked her one. I never even thought about it, I just reacted in a split second to the pain of her kick.

It didn’t leave a mark, but the look of shock and then sobs in surprise made my heart break. I felt SO BAD. I went to take a shower after she went to sleep and bawled. It might seem like overreacting to something many parents do, but I had made a promise to myself never to spank her.

So that night, I realized I have to figure out a different way to handle situations that tip me over. I can’t parent like this ever, I refuse to parent in anger. You may not understand or like how I define myself as an attached parent, but I use that label for a reason –

I have a terrible temper.

And I think without some sort of a direction in parenting and discipline, I might just continually lose it and let that be how her and I interact. I don’t want to. I do not want her to grow up and remember me angry or mean. So if it takes a label to help me, so be it. Attachment parenting doesn’t mean I’m better or that my parent style is perfect. ::snort:: Obviously. It doesn’t mean I’m the type of parent that lets my kid do whatever they want. It just means I need guidelines for situations I don’t have the best grasp on.

I searched online for a book that would help me to understand how to discipline, not punish, Bella. Something rational that encouraged a healthy, realistic approach.

In between, “I know you’re only two, but hard labor and a whipping with the birch branch never hurt anyone. Now scrub Mommy’s coffee cup till it sparkles.”

and

“Mommy wishes you hadn’t smeared poop on the wall but YAY! It’s beautiful anyway – oh! Is that a kitty you drew? You are my special sunshine.” (((hugs)))

No.

I ended up choosing Positive Discipline: The First Three Years: From Infant to Toddler–Laying the Foundation for Raising a Capable, Confident Child. I’ve been reading a chapter or two each night, then discussing it with Sam as we try to figure out how to handle her behavior now and in the years to come.

I like Positive Discipline. I like how realistic and non judgmental it is, that it’s geared for the age range Bella is in. I started crying the first night I read it because it was such a relief to read honest stories that all parents can relate to:

  • everyone loses their temper
  • everyone is unsure in parenting at times
  • everyone needs new tools for handling things

I’ve already seen a difference this weekend when I practice parts of the book, including times where I make Bella stop and use her words, or I get down on her level to talk to her. But there are points Sam and I have looked at each other and said, “Now what do we do?” We often don’t know.Β It’s frustrating, I’ve never had this lack of knowledge on something that I’m helping to shape. This isn’t a kitty that barfed (yet again) on the carpet out of anger that I gave him the wrong food, this is a human being.

I feel for all the parents I’ve seen with a naughty 2 year old and I judged them. Sorry for that. :/ Because it’s not easy to figure out how to get a child to stop behaving in an embarrassing way. In public. With everyone looking at you.

So, I’m asking you to keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I learn different methods and as I control my temper and frustration. Sam and I want to be the best parents we can, and we can’t do it on our own. I need the wisdom and knowledge to be able to handle days when it just all rains down.

56 Comments

  • It’s All About Reaction. And Helmets.

    September 22, 2011 at 7:20 am

    […] to my (read it every night religiously) parenting book, I didn’t react. I simply sat there for a moment (in pain, those Plan Toy blocks have wicked corners) analyzing […]

  • Bella. Vlog Style.

    September 13, 2011 at 10:16 pm

    […] please enjoy her tiny voice. The ending melts my heart. You know, even if I do beat my kid I still love her to […]

  • Jen

    September 13, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    PS – I just wanted to give you a hug. So <>>

  • scott aka this daddys blog

    September 13, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Damn woman. You and I have talked about this before on twitter. You know how I am bout this kind of stuff. (hate spanking). I know you have been concerned for a bit about how to handle this stuff. You been through alot and I know you can get by this and not let it bother you and you better not do this shit again. Or I will have me and the wife tell everyone about you getting pee’d on. GOT IT. You can do it. Button up and get ready.

  • cathy

    September 13, 2011 at 8:58 am

    I’m sorry, don’t be so hard on yourself.

  • Jen

    September 13, 2011 at 7:39 am

    Hugs, I totally understand, it happens. We are spankers but we always let them know that will be a consequence then if they dont stop they get one swat. we dont spank for all discipline but there are times that we do it. Especially if its domething dangerous, or they are beung physical. I also have a temper if im pushed enough, but mine is yelling…

  • Adam

    September 12, 2011 at 9:09 pm

    I know that I’m late to the party, but I wanted to weigh in.

    I think the important thing is that you realize that you didn’t like what you did and you’re going about finding a way to ensure it doesn’t happen again. You can’t take back the fact that you spanked your child, you can only look back and figure out how you can do better the next time.

    Parenting is not a single path that leads to a perfect child, it’s a swinging target that is frequently missed by everyone. The best we can do is educate ourselves, keep our child’s best interests at heart and do everything out of love. And that’s exactly what it sounds like you’re doing.

    I think what you’re doing now is exactly what you should be doing, so good luck with the journey.

  • Bethany

    September 12, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    As a preschool and therapist for children with special needs (though not mom yet), I think everyone who has any considerable contact with toddlers has moments where they’d really find nothing more immediately satisfying that drop-kicking one (in the nicest possible way). That split-second feeling goes away so, so fast, but it happens in an instant and then most people quickly recover their senses and realize they would never hurt a child just because they were angry. And I know from experience, there are few things that tip you over the anger edge than getting kicked in the face by a tantrum throwing toddler.
    What I think it amazing is that some people find they have to enter into someone’s personal, struggling confession and take on the role of the therapist (let’s just all acknowledge that you “hit” your daughter, “hi, I’m so-and-so and I hit kids” and then we can start on the path to healing what’s broken in you). Come on, really? Are people so self-righteous and delusional that they think they can judge others by their own unreasonable and impractical standards?
    I think posting this was brave and honest and something more people needed to hear than not. I have a lot of respect for moms who are trying so hard and are open about their struggles – it takes some of the fear and isolation away from others who are slogging through parenthood. It also gives me hope that when I have my own kids I’ll not be alone in the fray.

    1. Beth Anne

      September 13, 2011 at 12:19 pm

      This is my most favorite reply EVER on the internet.

      Especially the part about the satisfaction of drop-kicking the toddler. If you haven’t been there as a parent for even one fleeting moment, I’m pretty sure you’re not human.

    2. Jen

      September 13, 2011 at 8:17 pm

      I want to hump this reply

      1. Kim

        September 14, 2011 at 3:05 pm

        What Jen, Blair, and Bethany said? All of that. Yeah. Hugs to you. Also? how do you spell ‘hypocrite’? Because I know someone who IS. *waves Hi* (you know she’s still reading, right?) You’re doing awesome, you rock on with your awesome self.

    3. Alena

      September 15, 2011 at 6:55 pm

      Bethany is a genius. That’s all.

  • molly

    September 12, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    I might look into that book. My husband and I are definitely challenged right now during Landon’s tantrums. They are unlike anything we’ve dealt with in his past three years so we’re a bit taken aback and left wondering what is the right way to do things.

    I spoke with my therapist and got a plan for time-outs that seem to be working. But educating yourself on a continual basis is always good too.

    You’re doing the work and THAT is what makes you an excellent and caring parent πŸ™‚

    Hugs to my home girl.

  • Kaliste

    September 12, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    just thought you might need a pick me up. Last week I was losing it with my 20 month old, and I thought about what you said in an early post- What would the nanny do? So that’s what I did. I calmed down and walked away. I didn’t yell or get angry, I just left the area. (she was very safe.) I’ve had my moments too, we all do.

    Thank you for the recommendation on the book, I think I’ll have to pick it up.

  • Erika @NAMAmmaSTE

    September 12, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    Thank you for sharing the book you found. I can totally relate and I’ve been beating myself up lately for the same reason. I can’t stand the idea of Little Man growing up afraid of me.

    You’re a wonderfully strong, considerate, and patient mom. Bella’s lucky to have you for a parent and role model.

  • Brie

    September 12, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    I went through a similar issue when my second daughter, who is now 2, was born. I think I suffered from PPD, coupled with the fact that my husband and I were having issues as well. I felt like I was way too hard on my older daughter, who was almost 3 at the time. I never hit her, but I screamed and yelled at her and I did not want to be that kind of a mother. I started seeing a therapist about a year ago to work on my issues and issues with my husband. Things have gotten a lot better. I also bought and read a great book, Parenting from the Inside Out. It focuses more on you, the parent, and your history and experiences. I would strongly recommend it. I read so much in the book that resonated with me and really hit home. Best of luck to you in this parenting journey!

  • Cindy

    September 12, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    Let me start by saying you are human, and things happen, however how you choose to deal with it is another part. Every parent has different discipline methods but to me, this was not really discipline as you did not think about it before you did it. It was more or less you getting angry or having a hard day. We know each other well Diana, so please trust me, I am not judging you at all, although I commend you in finding other ways to work with Bella. I have many days where this kind of thing could happen, but what I do is before acting I take 3 deep breathes, I know it sounds funny but it reminds me of how old they are and the fact that they are still testings, learning, and how fragile they are. I know this is not what you want. You did not want this to happen this way, which shows you are a caring parent. I know you are. I think what Karen said had some truth although maybe a little harshly written and highly misunderstood, in the sense that you did not intend to “discipline” Bella at that second like that, also in the fact that you do not want to discipline Bella like that. We use the time out method often here and it works, also a little re-focusing, and sometimes just change of subject.

    I commend you for sharing this, it will make you stronger. <3 Parenting is the toughest job because we care soo much, worth it in every way, and we are learning also from our little ones. <3 (((Hugs to you)))

  • t.bird

    September 12, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    oh Lordy- alex has gotten her fair share of hand slaps thanks to a nasty habit of kicking her sister in the face.

    we’re all human my dear.

  • Rusti

    September 12, 2011 at 11:49 am

    you’re definitely not alone, I’ve swatted Goose’s bum a few times – although so far I’ve been able to refrain from doing it in anger, and it’s only been an attention-getter (for about 5 seconds anyway) but there are times that it is soooo hard to take a breath and remind myself that there are better ways to deal with the tantrum or spitting or whatever it is that she’s doing… try not to dwell on it though, and be proud of yourself for doing what you can to educate and empower yourself. I wish you much luck *hugs*

    1. Rusti

      September 12, 2011 at 11:56 am

      ps – my parents spanked my sister and I when we were young and standing in the corner wasn’t cutting it – we learned quick though (a swat or two on the bum is not fun at all – even more, embarrassing when you’re older!) and rarely got spanked. through all that, we have a fantastic relationship with our parents to this day, and I don’t ever think that being spanked was them being abusive at all.

  • Becky

    September 12, 2011 at 11:41 am

    Parenting is hard and it’s stressful. I think the consensus is that we all do things we don’t want to when we’re pushed to the limit. Like finding my mother sneak out in some of my own parenting (dear God!). Chin up. You love your kid and you try hard. She’s a lucky girl any way you look at it!

  • Katrina

    September 12, 2011 at 11:30 am

    I can so sympathize with you here…I have a temper too and, especially when I am tired, tend to lose it! I do believe in spanking (I was spanked as a kid) and can tell that it really does make a difference. But discipline and punishment while connected can be two very different things.
    I try very hard to discipline…but sometimes I lose my temper and punish. It is very hard with they are throwing a fit and kicking and hitting (not that my daughter would EVER do that ::insert sarcastic laughter::) to not respond in anger. Which makes time outs a wonderful thing.
    From what I can tell, you are a wonderful mom – there will always be people out there that judge you. Don’t take it personally especially when it is someone that has never even met you much less observed your home life. What makes you a good parent is not what other people think of you. It is being willing to admit when you have failed and doing your best to apologize, correct your wrong behavior, and do better next time. Parenting is trial and error and there is no such thing as a perfect parent. But there is such a thing as a good parent. And I really think you are one of the good ones πŸ™‚

  • Amber

    September 12, 2011 at 10:39 am

    I know exactly what you mean. I was beaten as a child and do not want to use it as a tool for discipline. I am doing an online parenting course at http://parentingtouchstones.com/ If I lose my temper at all it upsets me deeply so I am just trying anything. If you find something else awesome keep us posted
    Amber

  • Christa @ Little BGCG

    September 12, 2011 at 10:13 am

    I recently had a similar situation and reacted the same way I cried and felt so guilty and still do. Meanwhile Mason has completely forgot about it as I’m sure Bella has as well but still its hard not to feel guilty.

    I’m glad to know I’m not alone and will check out the book you suggested.

  • Nicci @ Changing the Universe

    September 12, 2011 at 9:57 am

    oh Diana. I am in the exact same boat. I have terrible anger as well. I find myself losing my cool over some of the most tiny things and yelling (and occasionally slapping his hand) at Aric for them. There are many MANY times when I have to step back, breathe, and let the hubs take over. I might have to check out this book as well, maybe it could help me come up with other solutions for me to have while we’re “in the moment!”

  • Beth Anne

    September 12, 2011 at 9:56 am

    Sorry for my above comment. I just HATE when folks get judgmental about parenting.

    okay. moving on.

    I will say that when I was pregnant, I was all “I will never say never to spanking.” But I’ve found that as a parent, I just cannot do it. So I think that on both ends, it’s important to never say never.

    I will also say that as a kiddo, I was spanked & I do not view it as abuse, I do not have a twisted relationship with my parents, & I do not have feelings of resentment towards how I was raised. Instead, I grew up one of the more respectful kids in my classes & of my peers.

    Although, ::ahem:: my ability to spell b-i-t-c-h for someone passing judgment is obviously not a highlight for my mother. But that happened in college when I was well past her discipline.

    I try to remember something Jill over at Baby Rabies quoted once – that spanking a child is nothing more than a parent having a tantrum. & the few times I have felt the urge to smack Harry’s hand from touching something, I remember that it’s ME having a tantrum over beign tired of teaching. Which does zero good to either one of us, so that’s when I make a decision – is the lesson important enough for me to take a deep breath & keep going in a calm fashion? Or is it a pick-your-battles where I simply remove him from the situation for the moment?

    Also, time-outs are my go-to for when he hits/kicks me. The moment he lashes out in physical violence, he goes STRAIGHT to the time-out chair. I get to use my fierce momma bear voice to show that I mean business, which lets out my frustration, & it gives me two minutes to calm down while he is disciplined.

  • Alexia

    September 12, 2011 at 9:40 am

    Giving you a big ole hug from across the internet. I haven’t gotten to this point yet, but I know that it’s not out of the realm of possibility as Cedella inches towards her terrible twos. It happened, you regretted it, and you can’t beat yourself up about it. The steps you have taken, like all the choices you have made in parenting Bella, have been informed and with the greatest care. You should be proud of yourself and Sam for actually THINKING about discipline instead of just feeling it through. I respect your decisions and will be picking this book up myself this week!! I know this was hard for you to write but bravo for sharing and being honest, yet again ; ) Hugs and love girl!

  • A.

    September 12, 2011 at 9:27 am

    I want to echo all the other moms out there who are saying ‘don’t beat yourself up about this.’ We ALL do things that we perceive to be parenting mistakes. And what’s important is not what others think, but how your actions tie into the parenting philosophy and strategies that you and your husband have chosen.

    In our family, we spank. My hubby and I sat down and talked about it, and made some rules and guidelines for ourselves about when and how to spank.
    (1) It has to be a clear and established rule that the child is intentionally breaking.
    (2) They have to be given one warning about breaking the rule.
    (3) We cannot be swinging out of anger. If we’re hitting because we’re angry, then we need to give ourselves a time out (ie. a few minutes alone in a room behind a locked door). We must be spanking with a clear head according to our planned strategy.
    (4) After the spanking and a time out (duration appropriate to age), we sit down with them for cuddles and loving and a conversation about why the spanking happened and what the rule is about the offense in question.

    We don’t have to spank very often, but we find that it’s somehow like hitting a ‘reset’ button with our kids; they’re sweet and agreeable for the rest of the day. Also, now that spanking has been established and they understand the implications, the one warning they get is usually enough to stop bad behavior before it escalates to an actual spanking.

    1. Katrina

      September 12, 2011 at 11:38 am

      “Like” and “ditto” – I was raised being spanked but my parents had guidelines very similar to this. We also had a set number of swats based on the offense (most was just two swats). The couple times my dad spanked in anger he always apologized later when he had calmed down. But they never went over the set amount of swats.
      I now have a wonderful and very close relationship with both my parents…my mom is one of my very best friend.

      With our children, my husband and I have set up basically the same guidelines. We use a mixture of time outs and spankings and it really does work!

  • Abigail

    September 12, 2011 at 8:35 am

    Don’t beat yourself up about it. You truly love Bella and that’s what she’ll know and remember.

  • Miranda

    September 12, 2011 at 8:19 am

    Oh, lord, Diana, have I ever been where you are. Don’t worry about putting yourself out there for this because there are plenty of other mothers who’ve been there.

    I hate corporal punishment and I can’t write about all the reasons why because my mom reads my blog and she practiced corporal punishment with me, and a lot of times it was straight out of anger. There was no stepping back to cool off period. I hesitate to call it abuse because I don’t think that was ever her intent, but it left me afraid of her. I don’t want that for Joshua.

    Joshua is going CRAZY lately when we lay him down in the floor to change his diaper. He wants to scoot all over the place and doesn’t want us to hold his legs up. I pop his bare butt cheek to get his attention and when he makes eye contact with me, I say “No scooting!” And then I feel like a monster for a pop on the butt.

    Is Positive Discipline the same thing as Positive Parenting? I’ve practiced some of the Positive Parenting techniques and I really, really love them.

  • Desi

    September 12, 2011 at 8:12 am

    If I’m totally honest, I’ve been in the same boat. No parent likes to admit they lost their temper, but I can guarantee 99.9% of us has.

    I went to costco last night with Liv and Pat, Pat was getting himself a hotdog while Liv and I were walking to the truck. We had bought a bag of jelly belly’s for potty training, also some princess pulll-ups. We explained to Liv what they were for, but of course she wanted them NOW. She threw the biggest tantrum, cried, screamed and then slapped me in the face (twice). I was talking to her and talking to her. If I had been at home I probably would have given her a slap on the bum, but we are out in public, where judging eyes are on me….so, I talked and talked to her and just kept on walking. It was very frustrating and I struggle to deal with a toddler who gets so angry/upset, you can’t calm her down.

    My major issue is not giving in. I was trying to make a point that candy is only for using the potty and obviously I don’t want to be saying “oh you are going to throw a tantrum and cry and now you get the candy you wanted, you must have wanted it soo bad!”. It’s a tough situation and I also struggle with handling situations where I want to react in anger. It takes a lot to recognize that and try to change it.

  • Amber

    September 12, 2011 at 8:04 am

    I just want to give you a hug for this post.

    I came from a family that spanked as part of discipline and always assumed that, when it was needed, I would too.

    I’m married to someone who came from a abusive childhood, and while he has never been abusive, he does have anger/control issues. As a result, I’m trying to juggle what disciplinary measures are right for us. I feel like this age (2) is so tough, too.

    I have no solutions, but I really just wanted to say I feel for you and hope you find what works right for your family.

  • Rebecca

    September 12, 2011 at 7:55 am

    Honestly, I think every single parent has been there.

    I know I have. In fact, I’ve done even worse…I smacked Grace’s hand once when she was throwing her food on the floor for the millionth time.

    Talk about feeling like a shitty mother. Meal time is supposed to be positive and hands are used for exploring. At least you smacked Bella’s bottom..that’s just used for pooping! πŸ˜‰

    Not that it’s good, but really I think your situation was so much less wrong than me smacking Grace’s hand.

    I’ve decided that I have to chill out during meal time. She’s too little to really understand that throwing her food on the floor is completely unnecessary. We’re working on “all done” but everything takes time.

    This whole parenting thing is so much different than I expected. I still find myself being judgy when I see naughty toddlers…boy do I have it coming to me!

    Thanks for sharing. Your honesty is so refreshing πŸ™‚

  • Alena

    September 12, 2011 at 7:54 am

    I think no matter what your parenting style or belief that it’s important to feel comfortable with HOW to do things. Even if you do believe in spanking it’s important to have clear guidelines on what warrants one and what doesn’t. Because not everything is the same offense. And the same goes for any other parenting technique.

    There’s no parenting guru. We’re all just trying to figure it out. And hope we don’t mess up our kids too much in the process!

  • Megan at SortaCrunchy

    September 12, 2011 at 7:44 am

    All of us – ALL – have lost our temper and done things we regret. There is no shame in that. I commend you for listening to that inner voice of regret and moving forward into a solution.

    I think you will really like that book – it’s excellent to read something on positive discipline for the early years because so many other books are geared for older kids.

    I want to prepare you that the 2-3 age is make or break it for positive discipline. This is when it is the absolute HARDEST and you will receive the most negative pushback for not spanking or taking other punitive measures. But – BUT – if you can make it through until four, it gets SO MUCH EASIER.

    Blessings on you, mama. We’ve all been there.

  • Beth

    September 12, 2011 at 7:41 am

    Been there, done that. Bought the ugly cry afterward t-shirt. It’s not a fun place to be. P and I have our hands full with a challenging (read smart) 6 yo and his almost 3 yo sister. She’s a much easier personality. He tests EVERYTHING; has since he was a baby. If you tell him something is off limits or too hard for him, he has to try anyway. ARGH.

    We’re using http://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com. In my past experience, books don’t stick for us, but that’s us. I hope this helps you. I know they have a whole series of those books that take you all the way to adulthood, practically. It would definitely be a blessing if this works out for you.

  • Jess

    September 12, 2011 at 7:39 am

    I yell at Ava sometimes and I feel horrendous. Sometimes you just feel like you. can’t. take. it. And why are they doing this when they know better?

    Sigh. Your words stuck with me. About stepping back and thinking “what would nanny me do?” (or something). Now if I could only put that into practice more…

    I like the getting down on their level thing. I’m gonna remember that.

  • Sarah

    September 12, 2011 at 7:38 am

    Oh, gosh that same thing has totally happened to me! Only it was that Aba grabbed a handful of my hair on the changing table… Ugh. I felt so horrible too. Having grown up in a very abusive home, I know I am biased when it comes to corporal punishment, and I know that what I did, what you did, what tons of mothers must have done at a point isn’t abuse. I know it doesn’t help, it didn’t make me feel any better. I just feel like there has to be a way, there has to be a way that we can raise children without spanking. I have to believe that. I have to believe that if just one parent just makes a tiny effort to become educated on child development and try something new, something other than spanking, the world really could be a better place. I know it’s hard, and no one will be perfect all the time.

    I hope that a lot of people read this today, and check out that book.

    -Totally Biased.. πŸ™‚

  • Michelle

    September 12, 2011 at 7:35 am

    Disciplining without anger can be a challenge but if you can take a step back it is worth it.

    I can count on my hands the number of times I’ve spanked my kids but I have done it. Now that they’re older I don’t ever want to spank them but I do get angry easier than I’d like and don’t watch my tongue and I know words can hurt even more than physical punishment. None of us are perfect, believe me!

  • Suzie

    September 12, 2011 at 7:06 am

    Bella’s lucky to have parents who think so much about how to give her the best crae they can. Don’t beat yourself up – she won’t remember.
    My baby’s only 6months old, so we’re not at that stage yet, but like you I have a fiery temper and pray to be able to keep it in check – and yes, partly by being an attached Mum too.
    You’re not alone in this, but we’re all novices. Good luck x

  • Karen

    September 12, 2011 at 7:06 am

    I think many parents have been there though for me what you did was hit your child, not spank them. There was no discipline involved. You were angry and took it out on your child. That in itself is what is wrong with spanking to beging with. Where does one draw the line?

    However, you are educating yourself and making it so it won’t happen again.

    1. Sarah

      September 12, 2011 at 7:42 am

      Karen, I have to respectfully disagree here. This spank was in direct reaction to the kick. This was a cause and effect relationship.

      For me personally, if she had “hit” her child it would have been more like her just randomly walking up and hitting her child for no reason. Which would of course, never happen. There is no cause here, only effect.

      So, I do believe this situation was a “spank,” but hitting just sounds harsh to me, and I don’t like it much, so that might be my issue.

    2. Rebecca

      September 12, 2011 at 7:48 am

      Wow, talk about zero compassion…

      Do you even have children?

      Oh, and “begin” is spelled B-E-G-I-N.

      1. Karen

        September 13, 2011 at 12:00 pm

        Yes I have children, hence the spelling error. NAK and missed the keys. I wasn’t trying to be compassionate because I do not see a reason for it. I didn’t know we had to hold one another’s hands on the internet. Gosh forbid someone doesn’t completely agree with what another parent has done and gone ahead and written about it online.

    3. Alena

      September 12, 2011 at 7:51 am

      Karen-
      I sincerely hope that the judgmental attitude that you are coming across with is just because it’s hard to convey tone in typed words. Because surely you wouldn’t come to her space, and comment on a post she obviously has struggled with writing…and judge her for SPANKING her child. I mean no woman would do that to another woman, right? Yeah I didn’t think so.

    4. spelling lessons.

      September 12, 2011 at 9:50 am

      begin – B-E-G-I-N

      bitch – B-I-T-C-H

      1. Karen

        September 13, 2011 at 12:01 pm

        Oh I forget. We’re supposed to sing songs and play together on the internet. No one is allowed to express an outside opinion that isn’t approved by the cliques first.

        1. Beth Anne

          September 13, 2011 at 12:16 pm

          No, not at all.

          & I apologize for my knee-jerk reaction to it & calling you a bitch. That was completely uncalled for.

          I have a very difficult time with the outright judgment of how someone parents, especially when you toss the idea of hitting, which speaks to abuse.

          It’s just a touchy line & I get defensive when it feels that someone is implying that someone I respect & trust is harming her child in any way.

    5. Rachael

      September 12, 2011 at 11:10 am

      Although poorly worded and most likely inappropriate for this type of public address, I think Karen might have been trying to say that she feels your spank was out of anger/reaction instead of intent to discipline?

      That’s always been my issue. In fact, my mom used to make me go upstairs so we could both cool off before she punished me – spanking, grounding, etc.

      Regardless, I’m sorry she didn’t support you in the way that you deserve! Kudos for putting this out there, and I’m looking forward to hearing some feedback from that book!

  • melissa

    September 12, 2011 at 7:03 am

    My mantra is no parent is ever perfect, no matter how hard we try. As long as your children can look back and KNOW you loved them, that’s all that matters. Praying for you lovely lady!!! Bella is a lucky girl to have a mama who cares so much, whether a blogging community will say it or not.

  • Mrs. MidAtlantic

    September 12, 2011 at 6:47 am

    Oh do I ever lose my temper. With Nate. In line when I’ve waited far too long. On the phone with an incompetent customer service agent. With Nate. With Laura. With the dishwasher. With… You get the idea. I will definitely look into this book!

    Maybe it’s time for me to get a library card!

  • Sara

    September 12, 2011 at 6:47 am

    Ugh, it’s tough getting to the point where you’re just not sure what to do next. Good for you for recognizing your own weakness before it got to a point you really didn’t like!

  • Noelle

    September 12, 2011 at 6:30 am

    Bless your heart. I’m proud of you for realizing that you need to find a better way.

  • stephanie

    September 12, 2011 at 6:06 am

    you are human.

    things happen that we don’t want to or even mean to. the most important thing is that you recognize this and try to be better. I love your honesty and I know you can do this!

    1. Diana

      September 13, 2011 at 10:33 pm

      Thanks Stephanie <3

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