The therapist said that I should have very limited, preferably no, caffeine until we get the anxiety under control. He said that is a major factor in reducing it.
I remember thinking, “Ok, no biggie. It’s not like I’m addicted or anything. And Starbucks has decaf everything. Easy.”
So ten days later, I crave caffeine like you wouldn’t believe.
I sniff the ground coffee bags in stores. Just today in fact.
I asked Sam not to drink coffee anymore. That didn’t go over well. To his credit though, he’s cut back a ton.
I bought dark chocolate instead of milk just because it has more caffeine – but not enough to do anything.
I wake up in the morning and then around 10am wonder what the heck is wrong with me. Only to remember.
I yawn. A lot.
I don’t have a sudden bursts of energy that I used to after downing a giant glass of French pressed.
I am more active. I exercise twice a day about 5 days a week now. Daily yoga and my Tony Little Gazelle.
I have more long term energy. When the caffeine would wear off and leave me in a slump around 1, I now am busy doing things.
I can focus on writing for longer periods of time.
My hands don’t miss the keys as often.
I feel more… stable. Solid. Less jittery and, well, anxious. And I’m assuming that’s the point.
So far, so good.
And now, I’m off to go make a blend of the decaf Starbucks I picked up today while getting the side eye for smelling the bags of the real stuff in the grocery store.