First Midwife Appointment – I was listened to.

February 3, 2012

It’s taken me all evening and night to process how to write the impact of a caring medical person on a nervous to-be mother. But when I walked into my midwife’s clinic yesterday, I knew from the moment I met the first nurse that this was it. I had found the place I needed to be as long as we are here.

I went a bundle of nerves, and when the nurse asked me to pee in the cup so she could dip the stick, I had the thought, “Oh my, what if she tells me I’m not pregnant? How embarrassing would that be?”

I still am. Since the paralyzing morning sickness wasn’t enough to convince me.

Once in the room, I met a midwife in training who was so sweet and told me all about what she did, what my midwife did, how much she loved being there, how much she loved the hospital we are going to be in. She explained how they have tubs, birthing balls, a birthing bar (not to be confused with tequila shots while in labor – an actual bar for gripping), and are there to let the mom have whatever birth she wants while encouraging as little medical intervention as possible.

In short? I died of happiness. I can have a judgmental free epi if it gets down to it again, but I can also try for a pressure free natural birth.

And no one will care either way. 

Then she took my history with Bella, who was in the room with Sam. I told her about charting and having 25 days till I ovulated both this and last time, hyperemesis, 90% effacement at 31 weeks, 6 weeks of bedrest, preterm labor 3 times, and an old placenta when Bella was born at 37.

And you know what she did? She looked at me with concerned eyes, wrote it all down, and said, “So tell me more about this, let’s get this all figured out so we can set up a great plan to monitor it all the next 7 months.” And I heard her tell it all to my midwife, who came in and wanted to know more. Wanted to talk. Wanted to share her knowledge and tell me that while they would push for 40 weeks, the chances of it were slim – which no one had ever said. I was glad to know this. That they would prescribe Zofran and then watch to see how long the hyperemesis lasted this time. That she wanted to see me in 2 weeks instead of 4, and they would do a dating ultrasound on me so everyone was on the same page. That they wanted a detailed-as-it-gets birth plan around 6 months so they could make sure I got everything I could and wanted, and they’d help to make this pregnancy the best it could be.

No one rolled their eyes. No one cut me off. There was no time limit or acting like I was being dramatic.

I held back tears as I watched their faces reflect empathy and true concern for what I had dealt with. They made the fears that so many others had brushed off or said, “Luck of the draw,” real to me. To everyone. I had a right to be worried this time, and they were going to make sure I was taken care of.

Then we got to hear the heartbeat. Knowing I’m only about 6 weeks 5 days, I thought we might not and wasn’t going to worry about it. But both of the midwives heard it, ever so faint and fleeting but we all got a good listen for just a few seconds each time. The little whoosh, the reason that being so sick is all worth it again. Sam and I grinned at each other from across the room.

We tried to get Bella to listen but she was too busy freaking out at why Mama was in a pink crunchy gown with people poking me on a table.

I left with all of them excited to work with us. I have an ultrasound in 2 1/2 weeks, an appointment in 2.

I’m so glad I switched. So very glad I didn’t stay with the first Dr we saw here who never asked me one thing about myself – and shrugged when I told her what had happened last time. I feel so comfortable and accepted at this place. I know this is going to be a wonderful pregnancy.

It’s pretty amazing what taking a few minutes to listen to someone can do for them.


  • Carisa

    March 25, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    Hi there! I live in El Paso as well. My husband is stationed at Fort Bliss. We just found we’re expecting as well! It’s good to hear that there are good midwives here! Are you being seen at WBAMC? Can you share who you are seeing?

  • Sally

    February 5, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    That’s wonderful! I had a great midwives too! Makes all the difference!

  • Suz @ Suz’s Treats

    February 4, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Oh Diana! This is awesome news! Yay!

  • Krysta

    February 4, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    That’s great that you are so comfortable. That’s how everyone should have it. You are making me want to consider having a MW for our next baby!

  • Ruth Hill

    February 4, 2012 at 12:07 am

    I am so happy for you! Having a great midwife does make all the difference, doesn’t it? It sounds like you have found a great place!

    When I went to my first midwife appointment, I went with a husband who doubted I was pregnant. It was rather interesting. This is the same guy who now does not acknowledge that he has a child. He has decided that I had an affair with my best friend (whom I didn’t meet until I was pregnant!).

  • Misty @ The Family Math

    February 3, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    This is wonderful and what pregnant-lady care SHOULD be like. Being able to trust your doctor (or midwife, as the case may be) is the key to having a L&D experience you are happy with, IMO.

  • Misty Pratt

    February 3, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    I am so very happy for you….you deserve this!! And you comment about tequila shots had me in tears (the funny kind of tears) 🙂

  • Manda

    February 3, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Yes! Wonderful news! I’m so happy you have found someone that is taking time to understand you and make you comfortable.

  • Anne

    February 3, 2012 at 11:13 am

    This made me cry! I’m so happy you had such a positive experience. If I get pregnant again, I hope to find a midwife like yours!

  • Caitlin MidAtlantic

    February 3, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Thus midwife sounds like the answer to all your prayers. I am so happy for you!

  • Amber

    February 3, 2012 at 9:16 am

    I literally am a little teary right now. I am so happy for you!

    There is something to be said for caregivers that actually listen to you. I left my original doc’s practice when I was 34 weeks. I couldn’t take feeling like I didn’t matter in the process anymore. While I LOVE the midwife I ended up with (and the homebirth that came along with her) it would have been so much nicer to have had someone listening from the start.

    Again, so happy for you!

  • Jen

    February 3, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Yea! I am so happy for you and that things are going so well. 🙂

  • Stacy

    February 3, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Yay!! I hope this takes a good chunk of the stress out of this pregnancy!

  • melissa

    February 3, 2012 at 8:24 am

    My midwife made ALL the difference for me with my second pregnancy. Thanks to her I had the fortitude to have a home birth and I came out of all of it with a precious baby girl, an awesome birth story, and a new friend in my midwife. I am so glad you found your perfect combo in prenatal and delivery experience. You will love it so much you’ll wanna do it again!

  • Good Girl Gone Green

    February 3, 2012 at 8:23 am

    I felt the same way when I met my amid-wife! I am so happy for you and that you feel so comfortable! Cant wait to hear about how it goes in 2 weeks! 🙂

  • Shell

    February 3, 2012 at 8:18 am

    She sounds like a great fit for you!

  • Madonna

    February 3, 2012 at 8:12 am

    I’m so happy for you! That is what I loved about my doctor. They listened. They didn’t take anything lightly and accomodated my needs or wants. It’s so important to have that faith, especially during labor. And now that we just found out we are expecting again, there was no hesitation to return. The other thing I love about them; one of the three doctors in the practice were going to deliver. Not a doctor I had never met or did not know me and my pregnancy. That is rare where I live. Glad you found what you were looking for and I hope it makes this pregnancy that much more enjoyable.

  • Desi

    February 3, 2012 at 7:50 am

    Great news. They sound wonderful and perfect for you. Listening to what someone says goes a long way.

  • Sharon

    February 3, 2012 at 7:22 am

    Yes, yes, and YES. I worked for an ob/gyn for several years and that was one of the deciding factors in my decision to go with a midwife when I was pregnant. I ended up having two absolutely amazing homebirths (Obviously, not for everyone 😉 ) and, if, by the grace of God (trust me, there’d have to be a star in the East) I were to get pregnant again, I know right where I’d go. I’m so glad you were heard and that you feel comfortable there. Best of luck!

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