Family Spacing

March 2, 2012

We waited till Bella turned two before trying for another. When we finally wrapped our head around another.

We wanted the kids to be enough apart that I wouldn’t have two in diapers. Two tiny ones screaming. One of the two would be able to be communicated with. I’d still have naps to blog – because after all, they’d both be in naps. Simultaneously. Since I only had two and all. 2 under or over 3 sounded lovely.

That was the plan.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

::gasps for breath::

The best laid plans of mice and men…

However it worked out, I am starting to find myself SO very thankful we did wait. Regardless of a singleton or twins on the way. I knew before Bella was born, having been a daycare worker, preschool then kindergarten teacher, and nanny – my temperament would not be the best for two under two or even close to that. I needed time and space between the kids. Some moms can have pulled 3 under two off – and ladies – I tip my high strung hat to you and your awesomeness. That is not me.

Bella babywearing. 🙂

Watching Bella these past few weeks has made me realize what a big help she will be in so many ways when BO & GO get here. But because I don’t want her to be a built in nanny or grow up too fast, I’m also thankful she has the ability to play on her own, have playdates, and be with Daddy as his little girl when my hands are full. I love knowing that in these next few months, she’ll understand more and more of the massive changes coming our way. I’ll be able to read her books to help, rationalize with her a bit when the babies need me, and while it will still be a shock and take a long time to adjust (for everyone), the fact that she’ll be nearly 3 gives me great comfort when I start to feel guilt over how much her little life will tip upside down.

I’m sure either way this would have worked out eventually. Things tend to do that – planned or not. As I keep reminding myself.

But inside? I’m sure glad they worked out in a tiny way to what I wanted in regards to my sanity. She’s going to be a fantastic big sister. I’m so glad I had nearly 3 years of just us time, that we are so bonded and have such special memories together of just us.

Now if Bella drops her nap before they’re born – someone is going to be cut.

16 Comments

  • Crazytwinmomma

    March 5, 2012 at 9:27 am

    You will have so much fun watching her as a big sister. I had my twins first, and they were 28 months when baby was born. So, we have 3 under 3 but it is a blast. Every time I see them interact with the baby I am so thankful I chose to have another because being a big brother/big sister added a whole other dimension to their personality. Never feel guilty, just think of it as enriching her experiences 🙂

  • angela

    March 3, 2012 at 6:46 am

    I will keep everything crossed for you that she naps until she’s at least 4! I think whatever happens with spacing, it turns into YOUR normal, but it’s always good when you feel at peace with the way things work out. I have a friend who currently has an almost-four year old, almost-two year old, and almost-one year old twins. That’s a lot of babies 3 and under, but they have fun 🙂

  • Charlie

    March 2, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    Naps = Sanity. Which is perhaps why most days I feel insane. I’m sending positive napping prayers your way!

  • MomEinstein

    March 2, 2012 at 10:48 am

    That picture of Bella is too cute!

    I just wrote about my thoughts on having #2 (and 2 under 2) and I’m a little nervous, but I know it will all work out. There will definitely be some hairy moments of adjustment for everyone, but I am so glad that my daughter can play independently (even if it’s for a short time) and can communicate fairly well. She is also *really* good about helping, so I will be able to ask her to get me all the things I forgot to grab when I sit down and nurse.

    I hope Bella keeps her nap for a long, long time. I dread the day that naps are gone.

  • Daneilia

    March 2, 2012 at 10:15 am

    You and your family will do great. Bella, will do fabulous and she might have her moments but who doesn’t?! It’s your destiny to be a Mommy to all these little babies and you are a person fit for that. I know its so much to take on but I’d rather see you take on all this rather than the parents who aren’t ever there for any of their children.

  • Maggie S.

    March 2, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Bigger kids can have room time with quiet activities. It is great for everyone!!! A schedule will save your life. I scheduled my twins from the minute we brought them home at 7 months and they are ‘supers’ now. I know it had to have a lot to do with brain development and the ability to put themselves to sleep.

  • Alaina Frederick

    March 2, 2012 at 9:18 am

    My three boys that I have currently are all about 21-24 months apart from each other. I have to say that it was for sure a challenge with a “terrible two” and a newborn but at the same time the cuteness factor of them wanting to help made up for many of the times I wanted to lock myself away.

    Now that I’m expecting again I’m actually a little afraid of how it will all work out as when the baby is born the boys will be 8.5, 6.7, and 4.5 years old. I just keep thinking that sure it will be nice that all of them are out of diapers, can feed and dress themselves, as well as they play together nicely (for the most part). However, I think about this little one and the fact that by the time he’s able to play with his brothers they will be into teeny tiny Legos, skateboards, and *gasp* girls and will not want to make time for baby play.

    and um…. Good luck on the nap home front! *shielding myself from possible sharp objects*

  • Kelli

    March 2, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Oh yes, I had 3 under 2 when the twins were first born. It was CHAOS. But we planned the 2 year spacing because I wanted 3 years, hubs wanted 1 year, and we compromise well. It’s still chaos, but not in all caps anymore. And we’re getting through it. And like you, I’m learning to let go 🙂

  • Caitlin MidAtlantic

    March 2, 2012 at 8:50 am

    I love that picture of Bella baby wearing!! She’s going to be a great big sister.

  • Nikki

    March 2, 2012 at 8:49 am

    I have 2u2 (they’re 16 months apart) and my oldest dropped her nap shortly after Emmie was born. I seriously thought I was gonna die! Like up until recently I was in complete denial and would bed, plead, cry, to her to please take a nap so Momma wouldn’t lose.her.shit! & then recently, she gave me a hug and said “no Carley night-night, Momma” while patting my back. So I threw in the towel and we are all much happier for it. I don’t expect her to nap anymore, so I don’t get my hopes up or get frustrated when I hear 2 little feet hit the floor (she’s in a big girl bed already). Instead, we started “quiet play time” and so far, that seems to be working for us. Oh yea, and an earlier bed time.

    PS: Congrats again!

  • molly

    March 2, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Ever since I became surprise pregnant with my second much earlier than I had planned . . . I love the saying, “If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans!”

    hehehe. I wound up being a mom of 2 under 2. It was not what I wished for but now I see that God made plans for me and He was correct 😉 Isn’t He always?

  • Misty Pratt

    March 2, 2012 at 8:26 am

    I hope to god that my little girl will decide that she can play by herself and be “daddy’s girl” by the time #2 arrives. She will be 3 by then – she’s still in diapers (and refuses now to pee on the potty), still wakes up in the night, and needs almost constant attention when I’m at home. I’m scared, but hoping that something “magical” will happen that will help her to become more independent 🙂 It’s also going to take some work on our part, to really focus on potty training, help her learn to sleep through the night, and encourage a bit more independent play….here’s hoping!!!

  • Anne-Marie

    March 2, 2012 at 8:15 am

    Seriously, something magic happens when they turn 3. We got married two days before my niece’s third birthday in a New York City Hall ceremony that involved a *lot* of waiting. She came with my sister to be flower girl/ring bearer.
    We had all kinds of things ready to keep her happy, but eventually, she was just ready to be done (really, it was a long wait). Her response to this? Eat her favorite mango snack and sulk. There are lots of group pictures in which she is holding mango and frowning. She didn’t scream or throw a tantrum or need to leave.
    And then, when the ceremony came, she was back on her game! I will never forget how sweet she was when she leaned over from her place in Mommy’s arms, near the podium, presented me with her little ring pillow and said “Here you go, Tia!”
    My sister prepped her hard to become a big sister at age four, and she is almost always a truly awesome big sister. She taught her little brother all about Halloween this year and, when he was a baby, was overheard explaining, “Mommy is just in the bathroom. She will come right back. I know it’s hard to wait, but she will be right back.”
    It helped so much that she had so much language, but there was just that magical switch around 3 that gave her this understanding that adults do silly things that inconvenience her and *it will end* eventually. Or however a three-year-old would understand something like that.

  • Kate

    March 2, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Love the pic! My 2.75 year old son was “nursing” Sophie the Giraffe the other day and I’m so sad I didn’t get the camera in time.

  • Shell

    March 2, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Oh, try to keep that nap as long as possible.

    Mine are all very close in age, but you make it work when you have no other choice!

  • Alexia @ Babies & Bacon

    March 2, 2012 at 7:52 am

    Best laid plans is right! We thought two years was a perfect space, and it is for so many reasons for us. But here we are struggling with potty learning (which I’ve decided to back off on) and somebody is trying to drop her nap too. But thankfully we have an awesome little girl, who like Bella, will be such a good helper and really enjoys entertaining herself. Twins or not, you guys were really thoughtful about planning your family, and it will show in the end!

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