I hated that paci.
Every night, without fail, we’d suddenly realize it was lost. Somewhere in our home, the green paci attached to a stuffed kitty (or monkey) was gone and no one knew where it was.
Asking Bella resulted in her throwing herself on the floor in despair and bawling for it. Instead of helping us look. Which was helpful.
We even had a place for it in her room but somehow it always ended up gone.
Laundry baskets, Noah’s Ark, a truck, Daddy’s boots, our bed; it was a toss up where we’d find it. I’d march around the house saying awful words about it as I pulled everything apart.
One by one, they went by the wayside. Our former pedi scolded us for having one when she was 2, but I knew it wasn’t time. I had to be able to reason with her – we waited too long to get rid of it without her noticing. We were down to one kitty paci when the other day Bella brought it to me before nap announcing it was, “Blah.” Which meant it needed to be washed.
Only, it wasn’t blah. It was destroyed. The tip of it was annihilated, bite marks and tears all over. I realized she could never use it again for fear of it coming off completely. So I showed her, we cut off the paci from the cat, and I had her kiss it and throw it away. Then I explained she could have, “Just kitty” (which became it’s name) and praying for sweet mercy, took her to nap.
2 1/2 years she’s had a paci for nap and night. I expected some rough times. And the first day actually wasn’t bad.
But the two following ones? Have been awful.
She has a hard time falling asleep without it, and cries. Sad cries, when I go in her room she has tears rolling down her cheeks as she clutches the kitty and sobs, “Papi all gone. Papi boken (broken).” So I sit and talk with her about how much Just Kitty loves her, and how they can snuggle. But it’s hard on us both. I hate to see her sad about it.
I’ve had some people say, “I’m glad my kid never wanted one!” I hear you. But in all honesty, as much as I didn’t like it and as big of a pain as it was, for the most part it was ok to have. It was her soother when nothing else would do. In those first 6 months of reflux and nursing round the clock it was a lifesaver for me. I don’t regret giving her one. I wish we had taken it away sooner in some regards, but it’s ok. We did the best we could with it and it’s gone now.
As much as I really wanted it to be gone, there is a sadness knowing Bella just left that part of babyhood behind, along with so many others.